I Painted These Unique Love Cards!

My name is Rebecca Detwiler and I use watercolors to create cards designed to start conversations. I live in Seattle, Washington -- a city known for its grey skies and passive approach to just about everything. So I'm taking the passive route in disrupting our icy isolation by providing these droll cards as an opportunity for connection.

Gather ‘round, fellow sweets
I’ve a story to tell
about February the fourteenth
when our day turns to hell.

When our red box of chocolates
for His maiden so fine
unfolds into sticky carnage:
a massacre on St. Valentine.

Caramel or Nougat
She cannot decide —
first She must taste
what fills our inside.

She bites, and She bites,
delights our sweet screams.
Perhaps this one’s too chewy —
She snatches buttercream.

We tremble in wait
for our delicious fate
as She sifts and She shuffles
craving only our Truffles.

A year ago I was forgotten.
You see, I’ve become quite stale.
But before I lay to rest
I had to tell my tale.

Hearts are already known for their innate sense of rhythm, but did you know they also have an impeccable sense of comedic timing and audience engagement? Generally any time a Heart gets up to sing in front of a crowd it is hard for them to get past the banter and into the tunes.

Whether your heart is joking or crooning, it's a good thing to let someone know exactly what it's feeling. Listen to it, follow it, and all that.

There is no better way to tell someone you love every part of them than by showing them a folksy cut-out diagram of the human body replete with fat cells and skeletal phalanges. This love note digs deep.

The core is illuminated with hand-applied real copper leafing. It will patina with time and touch.

If Morgan Freeman taught us anything: it's that God is black and penguins are the sweetest, most monogamous birds in the kingdom.

They will choose their mate after a month-long courtship process that pretty much the antithesis of peacocking. Whereas the more flamboyant birds will orchestrate musical calls, choreograph dances, or hoard shiny objects -- the penguin goes on a short quest for the most boring rock possible. This is their gift.

It is with the cool confidence that the penguin gives his simple gift -- for it is not the rock but the intent behind it: true love!

When they come across a potential mate, a Banana slug is faced with a massive decision: Boy or girl? Should I be a boy or a girl? Being hermaphroditic can mean existential crises float around every corner.

If the Slug does decide to man up and extend his appendage -- then nature is graced with the statistically biggest penis in the world, just about the size of his body.

This card is designed for the neutral couples in mind, those who take turns with the responsibilities that modern society dubs male or female. Give this to your love slug, the one who complements you -- who lets you flex or relax along the spectrum.

In Greek mythology, the lesser-known, chubbier cousin to the fabled Cupid is called -- you guessed it -- Cupig.

Against all physical odds, Cupig manages to cuddle up in the clouds for a vantage point as he spies on potential subjects. When the Cupig strikes, the target will be awash in a sudden desire, attraction, and affection for the nearest piece of food. Be it a tossed burrito, a partially unwrapped Mars bar, or an unsuspecting babies' half-eaten ice cream -- the entranced human will grab and devour with visceral lust.

Since you never know when Cupig may strike, the Ancients developed the tradition of carrying around small portions of food to consume if necessary. They called it Proti Snacktus -- what we refer to today as the common snack.