This is how I amuse myself with an English literature degree, a book addiction, and years of graphic design, making things for people like me who love reading.
I've got some conspiracy theories, spoilers, political prisoners, history, and whatever else makes me laugh.
There are different colors. I usually do shirts and mugs, but I can put them on other stuff spreadshirt has. Find it all at www.incandescentwombat.com/swag
More info: incandescentwombat.com
Spoilers: Christmas
The damned elf is watching you. All the time. Don't you wish you'd known that from the beginning?
Christmas carols and traditions, as they really are.
Conspiracy Theory: Ophelia
Ophelia knew too much. She had to go.
Hamlet, William Shakespeare
Bertha Rochester Sharpening Service
A skill is a skill. And no one can take that away.
Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
Political Prisoners: Napoleon
Because able was he, ere he saw Elba.
Historical, he was exiled to an island for being very, very, naughty.
Chaucer Travel Agency
Save big on plane, train, and boat fare by walking everywhere with Chaucer Travel!*
*Terms and conditions apply. Vacation package subject to end before scheduled final date. Management not responsible for lost items or dignity. See agent for details.
The Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer
Chekhov's Gun
There's no waiting period. It's in chapter one.
Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there.
—Anton Chekhov
—Anton Chekhov
Spoilers: Shakespeare Comedy
There's way more twins than seems statistically likely.
All of 'em, funny for a given value of funny, William Shakespeare.
Dawn's Rosy Fingers Spa
Homer did love a good manicure.
The Odessey, Homer
Donner Party
Oh wait, they've already eaten.
Historical, google it, it's gross.
Care Away
Long Island ice tea for everybody!
The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
Gradgrind School
Our sports team was hungry. Very, very, hungry.
Hard Times, Charles Dickens
Call me, Ishmael
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy,
But here's my number
So call me Ishmael
But here's my number
So call me Ishmael
Moby Dick, Herman Melville
Junkie of the Printed Word
Can't stop. Won't stop.
Samsa Pest Control
When you need them gone. F. Kafka, proprietor.
Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka
Spoilers, Kid Lit
We're skipping to the chase. Because if I have to read about that masochistic tree one more time, I'm gonna go postal.
Harold and the Purple Crayon, The Little Engine That Could, Are you My Mother? The Cat in the Hat, Ferdinand, Alexander and the No Good, Terrible Day, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, Miss Nelson, Blueberries for Sal, The Velveteen Rabbit, Martha Speaks, Where the Wild Things Are, The Giving Tree, Make Way for Ducklings, Madeleine
Lady MacBeth Fancy Soaps
Once you've started washing compulsively, the lanolin really helps.
MacBeth, William Shakespeare
Pompeii
Party on, dude, it's volcano day!
Historical
Proust Aromatherapy
Everything smells like cookies.
Remembrance of Things Past, Marcel Proust
The Roman Army Wants You
Are you legionary enough?
Historical
Sisyphus Crossfit
Turns out it's the perfect set of goals.
Greek Mythology
Political Prisoner: Oscar Wilde
Just because it's a 120-year-old outrage, doesn't mean it's not still outrageous.
Historical
Spoilers: Jane Austen
You've had a couple hundred years to read it.
Titus Andronicus
Revenge served in chafing dishes.
I almost, but not quite, want to apologize for this one.
Titus Andronicus, William Shakespeare
Spoilers: Shakespeare Tragedy
Those that live by the asp, die by the asp. Or something like that.
Uncle Vanya for Whatever
He always meant to do something important.
Uncle Vanya, Anton Chekhov
Viking World Tour
Paris paid the Vikings not to sack the city.
Historical
World's Greatest
Dear Mom, I wish we weren't a Greek tragedy. Love, Oedipus.
Greek mythology.
Netherfield House
Or hold on to your bonnet.
Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen
Political Prisoner: Edmond Dantes
Otherwise he'll break out of prison, dig up some money and get revenge.
The Count of Monte Christo, Alexandre Dumas (père)
Up Late Reading
I regret nothing.
Miss Havisham Wedding Planner
They say go with what you know.
Great Expectations, Charles Dickens.
What to Expect When You're Expecting Godot
Relax. Have a carrot. And a turnip.
Waiting for Godot, Samuel Beckett.
Duchess Daycare
Well, her references aren't great, but she has experience.
Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll.
Ophelia, Scuba Instructor
It could have all ended so differently!
Hamlet, William Shakespeare
Spoilers: Early American
Oops, you mad, bro?
The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe; Poor Richard’s Almanac, Benjamin Franklin; Little Women, Louisa May Alcott; The Last of the Mohicans, James Fenimore Cooper; Rip van Winkle, James Fenimore Cooper; Moby Dick, Herman Melville; The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
Desdemona Pillows
Well, at least she stays busy.
Othello, William Shakespeare