I make a living as a Piano Bar Entertainer or "Dueling Piano Player." All of my work has been canceled due to the pandemic. (It's about the worst setting for a virus: crowds scream-singing along to Billy Joel in your direction.) I also have a high-risk health condition which means I need to be extra careful and isolate as best I can. I live alone a thousand miles from my family. So, I'm losing my stir-crazy mind. Here are the results.
#1 Cone Of Shame
I believe I'm the first comic artist to pit dogs against cats.
12points
#2 Goomba
Rent is very expensive in the Mushroom Kingdom. Even Peach needs a roommate on a Princess salary.
9points
#3 Yellow Alert
My biggest hit so far. It got to the front page of Reddit and went a little viral. I originally had the brain saying, "Bladder is at 14% capacity!" but some people took this to mean 14% capacity remaining, rather than 14% full.
8points
#4 Know The Difference #87
This is part of an on-going series of informative guides for easily confused things. There's a bonus panel for this one on Instagram.
8points
#5 Eagle Eye
Did you know that eagles can undress you with their eyes from 200 yards? They just choose not to.
8points
#6 Sales
Another one with a bonus panel on Instagram.
8points
#7 Fun Food Facts
After committing armed robbery, broccoli would hijack a car and floret.
7points
#8 Reboot 2020
What color do you think God's cell phone case is?
7points
#9 With A Y
In 50 years, there's gonna be a president Keeley and vice president Breighdyn.
7points
#10 Everybody Fess Up
I've really been struggling with purpose and productivity during the pandemic.
6points
#11 Revenge
My only regret here is that I couldn't include more pooping.
6points
#12 The Future Is Coming Soon
This is dumb and I'm sorry.
6points
#13 Lost
My girlfriend came up with a bonus panel which is on Instagram. It's probably better than the main joke.
6points
#14 Speling Is For Loosers
In the beginning, I drew people with no ears and with eyeballs wider than their heads. It made me giggle. However, I soon realized it was impossible to effectively draw anyone from behind like this, so I adjusted it.
6points
#15 All The Veggies Are On The Run
After committing armed robbery, broccoli would hijack a car and floret.
1point