At the core of any happy and healthy relationship, you’ll find good communication, mutual respect, and fairness. Without these things, you can’t really call yourselves true partners. Chores, however, are a contentious issue. Even in countries that have seemingly embraced equality, many women still end up doing the lion’s share of the housework. That’s where J.R. Minton, a UPS driver in Texas and a dad to four kids, is trying to change the narrative.
He made a huge splash on the internet with his wholesome TikTok video, where he shares how he doesn’t help (emphasis on ‘help’) his wife with the cleaning, laundry, or the kids. His clip had a surprise twist that won over millions of people’s hearts from all over the world. You’ll find the full story below.
Bored Panda reached out to J.R., and he was kind enough to share his thoughts about the success of his video, as well as what could help motivate men to put more effort into housework and childcare. You'll find our interview with him as you read on.
Many women are still left taking on the lion's share of the housework
Image credits: Annushka Ahuja (not the actual image)
J.R. Minton, a dad of four, is challenging men to change how they think about chores and childcare
Image credits: minton__jr
Image credits: minton__jr
Image credits: minton__jr
Image credits: minton__jr
Image credits: minton__jr
Image credits: minton__jr
The video went massively viral. You can watch it in full right over here
"Stay-at-home parents are laboring at home, the same way that employees do at a job"
We were curious to get J.R.'s take on the massive success of his video and the reasons behind it. "I'm thrilled that the message is getting across, but finding it hard to grasp exactly how many people are hearing it—including overseas," he told Bored Panda.
"I think it [the video] resonates with so many people because it’s not a cultural or political or demographic-specific issue. It’s a family issue," he explained why the topic reached so many internet users not just in the United States, but around the world, too.
We asked J.R. for his opinion on what could motivate men to try harder when it comes to doing chores and taking care of the kids at home. He explained to us that a shift in perspective is necessary here.
"Understanding that your wife/partner is not your employee, but in fact your teammate," he highlighted the fact that couples are in this together, and they have to remember this.
"In any partnership, you would accept that sharing responsibility and effort is normal. Marriage is no different," J.R. pointed out to Bored Panda.
Meanwhile, we wanted to know what advice the dad would give working parents who come back home completely exhausted. J.R. pointed out that it's essential to understand that raising kids is as tiring as a job as well.
"SAHPs [stay-at-home parents] are also tired and overwhelmed when working parents get home. We view the dynamic as inequitable because raising your child is invisible labor," he explained to Bored Panda.
"We label what a SAHP does as chores and errands (things that seem small)—but it’s all labor. SAHPs are laboring at home, the same way that employees do at a job," the dad said.
If you enjoyed J.R.'s video and agree with his point of view, be sure to follow him on Instagram and TikTok to get his latest content.
The dad's message reached millions of online users worldwide
At the time of writing, J.R.’s viral clip had over 6.7 million views on TikTok. The clip didn’t make a huge splash on just the video-sharing site, however—the story was picked up by numerous news outlets. “I can't HELP my wife do those things because they are my job, too,” he urged men to step up, change the way they think, and take responsibility.
The dad shared a very simple but powerful message about the importance of balance and shared housework responsibilities in relationships.
Meanwhile, in a follow-up post on Instagram and TikTok, the content creator humbly pointed out that his point of view is ‘normal’ and that he himself is neither ‘special,’ nor a ‘unicorn.’
“The one difference between the men who stand out and the men who do the bare minimum [is] effort,” J.R. wrote that everyone who is in a relationship is perfectly capable of doing his fair share of the chores.
The difference between helping someone do something and doing the thing yourself might be subtle, but it’s vital. If you’re only ever a helper, that insinuates that your partner is mainly responsible for certain tasks.
How every family balances work and chores is up to them. What's important is open and honest communication
Every family situation is different, so there are no clear-cut answers for how someone ‘should’ balance their work and home responsibilities. For some families, it makes perfect sense for one of the parents to stay at home with the kids while the other one focuses on their job. For others, it makes financial sense for both parents to work full or part-time in order to make ends meet.
Whatever the case might be, it’s important that both partners communicate about this upfront so that they’re on the same page. It’s also essential that couples value each person’s efforts, whether they’re related to their careers or the housework. Especially when they’re exhausted and overwhelmed and would rather take a nap than wash the dishes.
Alas! The dishes won’t wash themselves—and it would be unfair to constantly dump the chore on your partner, day after day, week after week, month after month. Picking up after yourself should be the standard. Being proactive about doing the chores should be the go-to approach, instead of moaning, groaning, and expecting others to step in.
Even in egalitarian marriages, women are still expected to do most of the housework and childcare
The reality is that women still do the lion’s share of the housework, even in the West. A recent study conducted by the Pew Research Center found that American women in equal marriages still end up shouldering most of the burden when it comes to chores.
“Husbands in egalitarian marriages spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do. Wives in these marriages spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving than husbands do and about 2.5 hours more on housework,” the study found.
Whether we like it or not, dividing up the chores is a necessity of life. If one partner is left doing most of the housework, they might start feeling frustrated or resentful toward their partner. Especially if the responsibility was dumped on them without any warning.
One way to make those dreaded chores feel more pleasant is to be more flexible and divide them up in a more natural way. For example, one person might absolutely loathe dusting and vacuuming but their partner doesn’t mind these activities. Or someone might loathe doing the dishes and the laundry but their spouse actually enjoys doing these things because they help them relax.
That way, couples can divide the chores up based on what they find to be easier and more pleasant. As for the housework that both of them hate, well, it can’t hurt to take turns! Having a small schedule up on the fridge can keep everyone literally on the same page.
Meanwhile, if things are particularly hectic, parents might want to consider hiring a housekeeper every now and then. Of course, this is only a viable tactic if the family has some money to spare. However, getting a professional to lend a hand from time to time might be a better alternative than constantly battling it out about dirty plates and dirty laundry.
While some men understand the need to divvy up the chores at home, others think that housework is 'easy'
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual image)
"Being a stay-at-home mom is not a job whatsoever. It's a privilege"
Image credits: minton__jr
"You're right. It is not a job because it is unpaid. I don't know how many jobs I would do without pay"
"It is also a privilege to stay home with your kids so that they can have the attention that they deserve. However, the power play very quickly comes when you believe that the privilege is that somebody is providing for you. No, that is called an agreement. You and your partner have made an agreement that one person will stay home and the other one will go to a job to provide the money. My wife affords me the ability to provide for her. It's a partnership. You go on to compare being a stay-at-home mom to being a single mom. That's like comparing apples and tricycles. The only thing they have in common is that they're both red. Stay-at-home parents sacrifice their own independence, their careers, and their lifestyle for years, all for the betterment of the child while trying to have faith that the working parent will not take advantage of their sacrifice."
You can watch J.R.'s follow-up video, where he tackles comments about stay-at-home parents, right here
The dad made a huge splash on TikTok with his powerful clip and surprise twist
