Let’s face the facts: advice is only worth what it costs. That’s why you need to take all of it with a pinch of salt... or two. There’ll always be people happy to give you their take on your situation, so it’s worth thinking it all over before you put anything into action.
One woman turned to an online community to vent after she overheard her husband giving their teen son some questionable advice on women’s roles in romantic relationships. Now she’s wondering if she’s a jerk for confronting him about it.
While gender equality has come a long way, we think it’s fair to say it’s still far from where it should be
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One woman was appalled when she noticed her husband giving their teen son some really questionable advice about romantic relationships
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
His love lessons reeked of gender inequality, basically pushing the idea that women should be left to do all the heavy lifting when it comes to emotional labor
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman tried to counteract her husband’s dodgy teachings, but noticed her son putting less and less effort into his relationship with his girlfriend
Image credits: Massive_Start_9221
When she confronted her husband about what he was teaching their son, he said she was overreacting, so she turned to netizens to ask if pushing back was a jerk move
After 16 years of marriage, the original poster (OP) thought she and her husband were on the same page about raising an emotionally aware son. Their 17-year-old has been dating a kind, organized girl for five months, and from the start, she’s been doing most of the emotional heavy lifting, without anyone stepping up to help her.
The problem, OP says, is her husband’s advice. Despite calling himself progressive, he’s been telling their son that girls are naturally better at relationships, emotional planning, and communication. His message is simple: let the girlfriend handle feelings, dates, and check-ins, because she seems happy doing it and no one questions the imbalance.
OP’s tried to counter that narrative, reminding her son that relationships require equal effort, but the damage seems to be done. Her son’s stopped planning dates, forgot his girlfriend’s birthday, and waits for her to raise issues. Worst of all, he now repeats his dad’s belief that girls read emotions better than boys.
When OP confronted her husband, he brushed her off, saying she was overreacting. He insists it’s natural, the girlfriend seems fine, and he’s just “letting her shine”. OP disagrees, arguing he’s teaching their son that emotional labor is women’s work, but now she’s left wondering if she’s a jerk for pushing back on the unhealthy dynamic.
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
To be honest, OP’s just trying to do right by her son while her husband is giving him the completely wrong ideas about how a romantic relationship (at least a modern one) should work. It’s understandable that she’s frustrated, but what’s the deal with persistent gender stereotypes anyway? And what are the dangers of a one-sided relationship?
According to the Scholars website, in the US as well as in many other societies, gender norms are changing and inequalities between men and women are questioned pretty much everywhere. Yet hard facts show that gender gaps and inequalities persist, even in the face of social and economic transformations and organized movements challenging female subservience.
Women still make only about 80% of what men earn, they’re less likely to hold managerial positions and, when they do, their positions carry less authority. Here’s another shocker: even when both partners earn wages, women do twice as much housework and childcare.
Writing for VeryWellMind, Kendra Cherry says that the problem with any one-sided relationship is that it can be tough to sustain in the long run, while healthy relationships thrive on mutual honesty, trust, and commitment.
Some of the signs of a one-sided relationship to watch out for include initiating most activities, having to make most relationship decisions on your own, and sacrificing everything to make the other person happy.
We’d say OP’s son is heading for thin ice. His girlfriend seems smart enough to know what’s what and, sooner or later, she’s going to figure out he hasn’t got what it takes to go the distance. Here’s hoping OP can get through to him before he ends up dumped.
What’s your take? Is OP being “dramatic” like her husband claims, or would her son do well to take what she’s trying to say on board? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
In the comments, readers agreed the woman was not being a jerk and slammed her husband for his hopelessly outdated ideas on gender roles in relationships
