Wife Separates Finances Because Of Husband’s Spending, Finds He’s Been Using Her Information Anyway

Perhaps one of the hardest parts of a relationship is managing finances. For years, society dictated that men were the breadwinners and, therefore, held the legal and ultimate financial authority. Then again, for decades, and even centuries, women were expected to take on traditional housewife roles.

But now, there's free will, and married women in the Western world can choose exactly what to do with their finances. Take, for example, a woman on r/relationship_advice who mentions that her finances actually had to be separated from her husband's. Apparently, for years, her partner had a problem with overspending and was slowly but surely ruining both of their credit scores. And so, as a couple, they decided to completely separate their finances.

Only, she quickly realized that she had one credit card showing $4,000 in debt — and it was all in her name. Despite barely using the card herself, she had an uncomfortable conversation with the bank and discovered that the account was actually linked to her husband's email address. Oof.

This is an especially complicated scenario that the wife is dealing with. From a legal standpoint, opening accounts or taking out credit using someone else's ID can actually constitute domestic identity theft and financial fraud. This is because marriage does not imply consent or give someone power of attorney over their spouse's credit identity, even if they use their own money to pay off the debt.

There is also the second-guessing reaction that she had, since the man was, by all means, making the payments on time and her credit score hadn't plummeted. However, credit scoring models actually evaluate overall credit activity. If he happens to miss a payment or it falls short, which she has zero visibility into since the account is tied to his email, that will be reported under the woman's name and Social Security number.

And unfortunately, as many readers pointed out, this is a textbook example of "financial infidelity," or the deliberate act of hiding or misusing financial accounts or debts from a partner. And it is shockingly common. According to the National Endowment for Financial Education (NEFE), around 68% of marriages are actually heavily impacted by financial infidelity at some point in the relationship, and it is a primary factor in 16% to 20% of divorces.

Despite the legal issues that come with what the husband did, this can also have deep emotional repercussions for the relationship. Experts say that financial deceit, especially of this magnitude and considering the history between them, can cause a physiological reaction similar to emotional or physical infidelity. It can lead to hypervigilance, since the boundary around personal identity was broken, as well as a loss of psychological safety.

So, what can she do to ensure her own financial safety? Well, the wife has confirmed that she has already frozen her credit, and experts suggest that she place a freeze with all three major credit bureaus to ensure no new accounts are opened in her name. And, of course, the best way to protect her interests is to consult a family law attorney who can help safeguard her personal assets from here on out.

As for the relationship, that's a little trickier. Relationship experts actually say that couples can recover from financial infidelity and go on to have a happy marriage, but only under specific conditions. The husband needs to show full accountability for his actions, address the root issue, and not minimize what he did. Moreover, if he has an underlying issue like compulsive shopping, he might also need individual therapy. It is possible, but it surely won't be easy.