Trust is the basis for any healthy relationship, especially a partnership. Feeling secure with your significant other is very important if you want to build something that lasts. After all, you are putting your wellbeing into the hands of another person, so knowing that your heart is safe with them is crucial.
However, trust isn’t easy to earn. It requires honesty and vulnerability when it comes to sharing your life experiences. Respect and boundaries are also a big part of it.
The following story from the Am I the Jerk subreddit is complicated in terms of trust. On one hand, the wife was crossing a boundary by invading her husband’s privacy regarding the dashcam footage. On the other, what she discovered seems to be more problematic than that. Read it below and decide for yourself which one of them is the jerk.
When it comes to doing sneaky things, there’s one rule you have to follow: leave no evidence behind
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
The man in the following story was up to no good but failed to delete the footage of it
Image credits: Artie Siegel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual photo)
Image credits: lyingwifedog
The husband’s reaction to the situation seems unjustified. What he did is quite awful, so one would expect for him to immediately beg for forgiveness. Instead, he’s turning everything around and pointing the finger at his wife and daughter, which comes off as manipulative.
The fact that the wife was suspicious about her husband’s behavior also shows that the trust in the relationship was already shaky. After all, not everyone would dare to snoop around the partner’s private videos to find evidence of any wrongdoing.
Trust is hard to rebuild
While earning trust is already quite a feat, rebuilding it is an even bigger endeavor. It requires both parties to do a lot of emotional labor to get to a place where they both feel secure in each other’s company.
A study suggests that a successful repair of trust requires three elements from the offender:
- Recognizing the offense and providing a sincere apology that shows one understands what they did wrong.
- Assuring the importance of the relationship and promising to change.
- Honestly taking visible steps that show they are changing their behavior.
Forgiving is the hardest part
And while the transgressor does need to put a lot of effort in earning trust, the build of the work actually lays on the victim. They are the ones that go through the rollercoaster of emotions of anger, sadness, and disappointment and then have to turn it all around into understanding and faith.
If your partner has broken your trust in any way, here are the steps of how to manage it:
- Don’t fight your emotions—let yourself be angry. This will help you validate your own feelings.
- Have an open, in-depth conversation about the transgression. Getting the full story will help you get true clarity of the situation and the reasons behind it.
- Once you've decided to forgive, observe if the behavior of your partner changes. Are they more respectful? Are they more honest? Do they show understanding when it comes to your feelings?
- Continue to respect their boundaries. Don’t go secretly checking their phone when they’re not looking.
- Focus on the future but also remember that forgiveness is hard. There will be ups and downs and you should give yourself and your partner enough grace if you wish to overcome this.
Also, know that walking away is sometimes the best option. In this story, it seems that the partners aren’t willing to mend their relationship, and it’s not hard to understand where they are coming from.
Many agreed that the husband’s actions were deplorable and the wife should take action
