It’s kind of wild just how easy social media makes it to watch other people’s lives from a distance. A few taps can tell you where someone goes, what they wear, who they spend time with, and what their life looks like. And sometimes, that curiosity can turn into something much more unhealthy.
One man accidentally discovered his wife’s fake Instagram account. But when he realized what she had been using it for, he was completely taken aback. At a loss for what to do next, he turned to Reddit for advice.
Read the full story below.
The man accidentally discovered his wife’s secret Instagram account
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When he realized what she had been using it for, he was completely taken aback
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Image credits: throwawayfakeinsta
How social media changed what we consider normal to now about someone
The internet has given us all access to people’s lives that we normally wouldn’t have. Spend a couple of seconds scrolling through a friend’s profile and you can find out a lot about them.
You can see where they went on holiday by watching their stories. You can figure out their music taste if they share the songs they listen to. You can find out their social circle by checking their followers. And you can learn everything from their major milestones like graduation to what they had for breakfast at a local cafe.
Back in the day, none of that would have been possible unless someone personally told us in conversation. But because we all share so much now, we’ve basically redefined what we consider okay to know about someone.
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Going on someone’s page to see what they’ve been up to feels completely normal. And we do it with everyone, from close friends and family to celebrities and complete strangers. In fact, not being able to do a quick scan of someone’s social media might even put us on edge.
According to a survey by The Harris Poll on behalf of Norton, over half of respondents (55%) who are actively using or have previously used a dating app or website have conducted an online background search into potential partners.
They look up social media profiles (37%), type names into search engines (22%), or go through professional networking sites (17%). It’s become a pretty casual thing to do.
The same study also found that nearly a quarter of those in romantic relationships surveyed (24%) admit to checking in on their current or former partners without their knowledge or consent. That number jumps to 35% among Gen Z and 38% among Millennials.
The man’s wife in this story took things to a whole other level though. She made a completely separate account to follow all of her husband’s exes and other women in his life. That goes well beyond checking up on someone every now and again. And it clearly wasn’t healthy.
Why we can’t stop keeping tabs on people we don’t even like
While most of us might not go to such extremes, a lot of us do have a habit of keeping tabs on people we don’t actually like. Old exes or our partner’s exes. High school classmates we’ve long moved on from. Even influencers we find cringe or annoying.
So why do we go out of our way to look all of that up, even when it usually just ends up bothering us?
Well, as Angel Martinez put it in a piece for Vox, humans have always been wired to seek out information about the people around them. That goes all the way back to prehistoric times. And interestingly enough, it doesn’t really matter whether we like someone or can’t stand them.
Our brains respond to both of those feelings in surprisingly similar ways, lighting up the same reward circuits and giving us that same little hit of satisfaction. That’s partly why we can get so hooked on watching people we find annoying or even people we actively dislike. There’s something about seeing someone push boundaries or break the unspoken rules that just pulls us in.
The problem is that even though it might feel harmless in the moment, it can start messing with our mental health.
Georgina Sturmer, an integrative counselor who has worked with women struggling with addiction, told Vox that the private nature of it is what makes it so easy to spiral. With something like drinking or compulsive shopping, there’s usually someone around to notice or some kind of evidence left behind. That creates at least a small sense of accountability.
But scrolling through someone’s profile at midnight? Nobody sees that. There’s no one to question it. And that makes it incredibly easy to fall deeper and deeper into the habit without even realizing it.
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That’s also why we tend to come out of those sessions feeling a little ashamed or embarrassed. We wonder how we ended up spending so much time invested in someone else’s life. And yet the next time the urge comes, we do it all over again.
Sturmer also pointed out that a lot of the time, this kind of behavior starts as a response to something else entirely. Maybe we’re feeling bored or lonely and we reach for our phones without thinking. And once we’re on social media, the platforms themselves are designed to keep us engaged. So what begins as a quick scroll can easily turn into a routine we didn’t mean to build.
So what can actually help break the cycle? Jaimie Krems, a social psychologist and professor at the University of California Los Angeles, suggests that simply noticing the urge when it shows up and giving yourself a few minutes before acting on it is a good place to start.
That small pause can be enough to ask yourself whether you actually want to do this or if your thumb is just running on autopilot. And over time, finding something else to put that energy into can make a real difference. A hobby, something you’ve been meaning to watch, or even just reaching out to someone you actually enjoy talking to.
In this story, the man had an honest conversation with his wife and she ended up deleting the account. They’re clearly trying to work through it together, and hopefully the experience has made their relationship stronger because of it.
What do you think about how the couple handled it? Would finding this out have been a dealbreaker for you? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Later, the man shared more details in the comments
Many readers told him that the best thing he could do was talk to his wife directly
The man eventually came back with an update after speaking to her
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Image credits: amazingmikael/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawayfakeinsta
Readers had a lot of different opinions about what happened
In the end, he said his wife deleted the account
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Image credits: throwawayfakeinsta
Many readers felt they handled the situation in a mature way and hoped the couple would be able to move past it
