Christmas is a fun time to meet family and enjoy all of the traditions that make it so special. Usually, folks get time off from work so that they can relax, unwind, and spend time with their loved ones. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for everyone, especially first responders.
Emergency service workers are expected to be available at any time to do their job, meaning they might struggle to make it to holiday events. This is what a 911 worker faced at Christmas time, but her in-laws couldn’t seem to understand.
More info: Reddit
Celebrating holiday traditions can be a wonderful experience, but if people have to force others to take part, it can soon turn into an annoyance
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman mentioned that she’s a 911 operator who has rotating shifts and knows exactly when she has to work, which is why she knew she’d be occupied on Christmas day
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster’s family understood her work requirements and were okay celebrating the holiday season with her later, but her Christmas-obsessed in-laws didn’t want to do that
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman’s husband also tried guilt-tripping her into attending his family’s Christmas party by saying, “we don’t know how much time we have left with my parents”
Image credits: Nat90
The poster felt that she was letting her in-laws down by missing out on their Christmas traditions for the sake of work, but she also felt like she had no other option
It’s obvious that the woman had a very grueling job to deal with and that, as a first responder, she knew how important her role actually was. Since she had been doing the work for three years, her family understood her obligations, but her in-laws didn’t seem to respect her work at all.
The holiday season also puts a lot of pressure on emergency workers. Research shows that accidents often occur at higher rates during festivities. That’s why first responders need to be present even if other people might be in a celebratory mood. It can be incredibly stressful for them to have to deal with and navigate all of this.
The woman’s husband also did not understand her point of view. Even though he knew the nature of her work and had attended a few family events alone, this time, it seemed to be different for him. He kept insisting on the OP making time for his family and driving almost 1.5 hours away to carry out their Christmas traditions.
The man’s reaction does make sense to an extent because he constantly has to deal with questions from his family about his wife’s absence. According to Mind The Frontline, “in addition to the emotional toll, the unpredictable nature of their partner's job can also disrupt family routines and put strain on the relationship,” which is exactly what seemed to be happening in this story.
To understand what to do in such situations and how to communicate better with one’s in-laws, Bored Panda reached out to Dan O’Connor. He is a YouTube creator, keynote speaker, and renowned communication coach with over 20 years of experience helping individuals transform challenges into opportunities for growth.
An important thing Dan mentioned is: “your spouse is your teammate in navigating the in-law relationship. To foster collaboration instead of defensiveness, share your feelings constructively. Use this verbal pattern: ‘When [specific action happens], I feel [specific emotion] because [reason].’”
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Instead of honestly telling his wife how he felt, the man sent her passive-aggressive messages and guilt-tripped her. This also made the OP feel bad and worried about whether she was letting her in-laws down.
Dan told us that it’s important to “keep the focus on your feelings, not blame. Then, invite your spouse to problem-solve with you. After speaking with your spouse, it’s your responsibility, not theirs, to approach your in-laws. Lead with vulnerability to create a space for understanding.”
The problem with this situation is that the woman’s husband didn’t want to openly communicate with her about how he felt. The OP also said that she felt her partner was more concerned about the situation as his dad, battling with dementia, had asked about her coming over. In such a case, the poster needs to take the lead and sit her husband down for an open, honest, and vulnerable discussion.
Dan O’Connor mentioned that “vulnerability disarms defensiveness and sets the stage for boundaries. Then, invite collaboration, leading with their needs. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, reframe the situation and ask yourself: ‘What unmet need might they be expressing, and how can I address it in a way that also supports me?’”
“How you treat them is about you. If you want growth from others, then you grow. If you want understanding from others, then you understand. There is no way around this. It's the law. Communicate in an honest, up-front manner that reflects the love you desire and the person you are,” Dan shared.
Spending time with one’s family during the holidays is supposed to be a joyful experience. Things can turn sour if people are met with a lot of expectations and are forced to show up even if they don’t have the capacity to do so. Unfortunately for the OP, this is exactly what she was faced with. Hopefully, she later had an honest talk with her husband and they found an easy compromise.
What would you do if you were in her shoes? Let us know in the comments.
Many first responders shared supportive messages for the woman and urged her not to feel guilty for doing her job
