It's not uncommon for women to make huge sacrifices after getting married and having kids. Some give up their careers, education, social life, and put self-care on the backburner — all in the name of family.
One stay-at-home mom says she's prioritized her husband's career for more than 2 decades, and has relocated so many times she's lost count. For the first time in ages, she's feeling settled and genuinely happy. She's even started working, earning good money, and has made some new friends. Now, her husband wants to relocate yet again, but she has flat-out refused. He's calling her selfish and she's wondering if he's right...
She's spent the better part of 20 years relocating each time her husband got a new position
Image credits: armmypicca (not the actual photo)
She's decided "enough is enough" and is refusing to move yet again — but he says she's selfish
Image credits: Wavebreak Media (not the actual photo)
She later revealed that her husband had moved out because he needed time to think
Image credits: moveta321654
Is home really where the heart is? A recent study explores the highs and lows of relocating for a partner's career
It's not always as simple as saying, "where you go, I go." While it is an act of love and support, relocating with or for a partner can come with its own set of challenges, risks and consequences.
As an individual, you'll need to adjust to a completely new environment, build a new social community, attempt to retain your sense of individuality, and keep your personal ambition intact. As a couple, it can make you or break you.
A new study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin reveals that relocating for work is becoming more and more common. In Canada, over half a million households moved for job opportunities between 2017 and 2022.
The researchers looked into the lives of 206 couples to investigate the rewards and stressors that accompany relocating with a partner to support their career. The respondents were surveyed 2-months pre-relocation and 3-, 6-, 9-, and 12-months post-relocation. The research team then compared the answers of the relocators (those getting a new job) and the accompanying partners, to see who was stressed by what, and when.
"Relocators generally experienced more stress prior to the move across several domains including moving away from family, losing social ties, finding housing, finances, and administrative tasks, compared to accompanying partners. They also reported greater early rewards related to starting their new position," notes the paper.
It adds that accompanying partners experienced more rewards related to their partner’s job, losing social ties, finding housing, and finances prior to relocation.
"These role-based differences may be shaped by the relocator’s feelings of responsibility or guilt for causing the disruption to their partners’ lives and careers, and the accompanying partner’s decision to sacrifice by prioritizing their partner’s aspirations over their own," the researchers said, adding that many of these differences diminished over time as accompanying partners re-established their own careers and both partners adapted to the transition.
As Forbes reports, "a solid foundation in your relationship sets the stage for a solid future, despite the chaos and upheaval of a move."
The researchers found that couples who were more satisfied in their relationship fared better before, during and after a move. They faced lower levels of stress in the early stages, steeper declines in stress levels as time went on, and a more consistent sense of reward overall.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
"Polish that backbone!": many felt it was time for the woman to put her needs first
