Problematic relationships can really last for years and decades, and neither partner may actually take decisive steps to change anything. Even if they are not in fact real partners for a long time. But sometimes an extreme case becomes the final straw.
That very straw not only breaks the camel's back, but also breaks through the long-term “abscess” of a painful relationship, tears off a person's mask, and shows their true face. That happened, for example, with the husband of the user Craics90, the author of the story that we are going to tell you today.
More info: Mumsnet
The author of the post and her husband once went to the city center to spend his birthday together
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual image)
However, the man seemed very unhappy with their time together and allowed himself to make some offensive digs at his spouse
Image credits: Craics90
Image credits: Ivan Oboleninov / Pexels (not the actual image)
When they entered his favorite bar, it was very crowded, so the wife asked if they could go elsewhere
Image credits: Craics90
Image credits: Thắng Văn / Pexels (not the actual image)
The man reacted by just storming out of the bar with direct insults, leaving his wife alone in tears
Image credits: Craics90
When the guy returned home late, after midnight, the woman decided not to open the door to him and his drunk buddies
The Original Poster (OP) is married and her husband recently celebrated his birthday. The woman wanted to organize a romantic celebration on this day for her spouse, with a visit to a good restaurant and dancing, as well as some bar crawling, but the guy seemed to have his own ideas about how he wanted to celebrate his personal holiday.
In particular, he wanted to meet friends for a drink—so he flatly refused to go to a restaurant, thereby forcing his wife to lose money on a late cancellation. However, the couple still went for a walk in the city center and then to his favorite pub. The woman led them—because the husband is actually useless with directions—but this time seemed completely indifferent to what was happening.
In the end, nothing good came of it. They stood in a long line to go into the pub, but it was so crowded that the author turned to the spouse, asking if—maybe they could go somewhere more secluded to sit and dance. In response, he simply stormed out of the bar, angrily blurting out that she should have just stayed home.
Our heroine, in tears, tried to call out to him, but the guy simply rushed off, declaring that he doesn’t care how she gets home because "she's not his problem." Getting home was a real problem, in fact, because all the cabs were busy, but the woman eventually arrived and went straight to the bedroom.
Her hubby came home late at night with three friends, drunk, and tried to get in, but to no avail—because the original poster simply didn’t open the door for them. Now, the woman admits that she's overcome with doubts—did she do the right thing in this situation? And she decided to ask netizens for advice and support.
Image credits: Pressmaster / Pexels (not the actual image)
Well, it is no secret that we all have our own tastes and preferences, and even after many years of marriage, spouses still remain individuals who need time alone with themselves, their friends, and their hobbies. And this is actually normal—after all, you can't completely dissolve in your partner.
"99% of the time, he wants to be alone for a while to cool down, relax, let off steam, take a break from thinking about somebody else’s needs - and it has nothing to do with his lovely partner," says Lauren Gray, a relationship teacher, writer, and coach. "After a short cave time, he’s ready to play again!" Sure, that’s true for many men and women. But does that explanation apply to this situation?
"In no case, even if you want to spend your birthday alone, should you resort to such rude communication," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda got in touch with for a comment here. "From the way this man acted, it seemed like he really wanted to be away from his wife that evening, but he was just holding back for a while..."
"It looks like he was just looking for an excuse to go somewhere else without her, and when he couldn't find anything suitable, he just stormed off with direct insults. In general, the very fact of such an attitude usually indicates that a person considers the relationship to be exhausted, and wants to end their marriage or partnership," Irina sums up.
By the way, people in the comments also agree that the situation is completely outrageous and that the author absolutely didn’t deserve such treatment—even taking into account that everyone has the right to celebrate their birthday the way they want to. And besides, commenters think that the OP's marriage definitely looks quite problematic. “You need a serious discussion about your relationship,” someone wrote reasonably.
As it turns out, both the experts and the responders were absolutely right about the relationship. At least, in the update, the OP said that her husband had been behaving completely rudely and offensively towards the wife since then. One fine day, he even left home and was gone until late at night, and when the author met him with his things packed, he didn’t argue at all and left forever.
Then, our heroine found out that her husband had cheated on her with a colleague at work. In general, now she’s waiting for an appointment with a lawyer about the upcoming divorce, and numerous relatives and friends are giving her all kinds of support. We do hope that everything will work out for her in the best possible way. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this tale?
People in the comments almost unanimously felt that the woman did the right thing, and actually questioned the very fact of their marriage
