Some wise people in the past said that bad peace is always better than a good quarrel. I do not argue, as sometimes it happens exactly like that. But sometimes you just need to stand up and face the conflict, to make it clear to the person that their behavior makes you uncomfortable—to escalate the conflict.
To some extent, this was done by the heroine of today's story, user u/EnvironmentalEgg7874, who didn't want to put up with her own husband's numerous snide comments about the expensive gift he was planning to buy her for Christmas. And in response, she received an accusation from him of... well, not of being a Grinch, but of ruining the holiday.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has a much-coveted thing, but she never dared to buy it due to its price—around $500
Image credits: Kira auf der Heide / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Recently, the woman's husband claimed that he will buy it as a Christmas gift for her
Image credits: EnvironmentalEgg7874
Image credits: The Retro Store / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author was glad, but the spouse made waiting literally unbearable with his numerous snide remarks about the costly gift
Image credits: EnvironmentalEgg7874
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author tried to give him a slight hint to stop him from making these remarks—but he kept doing it anyway
Image credits: EnvironmentalEgg7874
So, the lady just ended up telling him not to buy the gift at all—and he accused her of ruining Christmas after learning the true reason
So, the Original Poster (OP) has long wanted one cool thing for herself, but the only thing that kept her from buying it was its price—about 500 dollars. But the author isn't a big spender, so she always, even at Christmas, refrained from buying it. Until, finally, recently, her husband solemnly swore that he would buy this much-coveted gift for her soon. Very soon.
Of course, our heroine was very happy, although she would've preferred for her spouse to make it a Christmas surprise. But, in the end, she really wanted this gift. Only, in the following weeks, the husband made the anticipation of the gift literally unbearable...
The guy allowed himself to make sarcastic and, as it probably seemed to him, damned amusing remarks about the expensive gift for his wife almost every day. Almost every mention of money in any way became an excuse for him to sarcastically remind her what a hole her gift would make in the family budget.
Our heroine tried to make delicate hints to her husband that she was uncomfortable listening to such words day after day, but he didn't get it. Or, he just didn't want to understand. It all ended with the original poster simply telling the spouse one fine day that she no longer wanted this gift. And it was better not to buy it at all.
The quarrel erupted—and the OP explained what exactly about her husband's behavior upset her. However, again, the man didn't react as the author expected. He got upset and said that she had ruined Christmas for him. And now the woman, on top of everything, also felt guilty—like, wouldn't it have been better for her to just keep her mouth shut?
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
No, it wasn't better. Definitely not better. And the decision to tell the husband what was bothering her in the situation was 100% right. "Nothing good would have come from this woman keeping silent about her husband's offensive remarks. In addition, she would have unwittingly encouraged this behavior," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
"Her husband's behavior was, to put it mildly, inappropriate. But, apparently, this pattern was inherent in him before - and he simply could not imagine that his supposedly 'harmless' jokes and jibes could be offensive to others."
"Well, an attempt to shift the blame for this situation onto the wife - an attempt to accuse her of 'ruining the holiday' - is also a kind of manipulative technique. Instead of admitting his own wrongness. I do hope that sooner or later he realizes this. Better, of course, sooner..." Irina ponders.
Well, the commenters on the original post reasonably noted that the author is only guilty of belittling her own desires and importance in the family. "Stop making excuses and deal with it," someone wrote. "You are worth it and, you can do it." "You are [wrong] for staying with this guy," another person even claimed.
And readers also urged the author to just go and buy the gift herself. Yes—on her own. "Put it on your wall, step back and admire it. This is something you have wanted for a long time, you did not have to wait for a belligerent hubby to buy it and, you treated yourself," one of the responders added. So do you, our dear readers, agree with this opinion?
People in the comments sided with the author and even urged her to buy this gift on her own—simply because she's worth having it
