We have long heard that when you marry someone, you take on the whole family. There’s definitely a grain of truth in this saying, as getting along with your new tribe is not always easy. Throw Christmas into the mix, and things are bound to reach another level of complicated. Because even though the holidays should be about spending time with your loved ones and being thankful for being together, there’s always someone who turns the special day into one big drama-tinged cocktail.
Recently, a man reached out to the AITA community for advice after he called his wife "unreasonable" for backing out of Christmas dinner. Turns out, his mother has a perplexing tradition where she asks women in the family to send "samples" of their desserts and then makes them wait for the results to let them know if they made it to the "food menu." So yeah, as you can see, there’s quite a lot to unpack here.
As his wife believes the MIL has been "deliberately rejecting every dessert sample she sent," the woman decided to finally draw the line and skip the occasion. What followed next turned into a nasty conflict that left the family divided. Read on to find out how the situation evolved and what readers had to say about the incident. Then be sure to decide where you land on the matter and share your thoughts in the comments!
After his wife backed out of the family Christmas dinner over MIL’s baffling baking tradition, this man called her behavior "crazy and quite unreasonable"
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
As the situation created friction between the family members, he reached out to the internet for advice
Image credits: CHANNNSY (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
The husband later clarified some details and added an update about the incident
Image credits: user119975444
Situations like this aren’t benefiting anyone. The incident sparked tension between the family members, made the woman feel unwelcome in her close social circle, and put an enormous strain on the marriage as the husband apparently chose his mother over his spouse.
It’s easy to see why the story caused a stir in the AITA community, with the vast majority of members deeming the husband and his mother to be completely in the wrong here. Many suggested it would do the user well to seriously rethink his actions, as he "should be supporting her decision."
As we enter the holiday season, a time of love and warmth, many of us can’t help but arm ourselves with patience as we’re bound to get tangled in family drama and arguments. And as anyone who’s ever found themselves in a predicament with their in-laws during this period knows, this happens way too often.
Bored Panda previously spoke with Dr. Nathalie Martinek, a narcissism hacker and relationship coach, who explained there may be many reasons why getting along with your partner’s parents can seem like a tricky business. "Often, the partner is seen as an inadequate match for their son or daughter due to their personality, their profession, education level, upbringing or culture," she explained.
It can be especially challenging for women when mothers-in-law see them as a competitor for their son’s attention. "A mother-in-law, who is possessive over her son, feels insecure about her son’s degree of loyalty and wants to be the most important woman in her son’s life by continually having an influence over his feelings and choices," Dr. Martinek added.
"Once the son enters into a relationship, this type of mother-in-law continues to exert control over her son's decisions using emotional manipulation tactics to keep her son close and dependent on his mother’s approval, because he still needs this to feel secure and stable."
Unfortunately, the man might be oblivious to his mother’s attempts to drive a wedge between the couple by undermining his partner, criticizing her character, housekeeping, parenting, profession, etc.
According to Dr. Martinek, even the mother may not realize she’s behaving this way. "And even though the partner will be able to see all of the things the mother-in-law is doing, the son will either have a hard time believing her, deny any accusation or defend his mother's actions," she said.
To handle in-laws who meddle in your partnership or have a strong influence over your spouse, Dr. Martinek explained that it’s best to remain warm and friendly when interacting with them. "Letting parents believe they got their way without actually taking their advice can bring relief to the couple, at least until the next time the parents attempt to influence the couple’s decisions.”
However, the only real possibility for change is for their child to step up, take action, and prevent them from interfering in the relationship in the future. "Relationships are hard enough between two people without the interference of parents or anyone else. While some parents want their children to believe that meddling or offers of advice means they care, it can often mean that the parents haven’t been able to let go of their adult child," Dr. Martinek said and added this will prevent the child to reach their full maturation potential.
"It will also prevent the relationship they have with their partner to flourish because they will always be stuck pleasing their parent and re-enacting a parent-child pattern in the adult child’s own relationship with their partner, and won’t be able to focus or cultivate a healthy and mature relationship with their partner," she concluded.
The vast majority of readers deemed the user to be in the wrong and unanimously said he and his family should reconsider their actions
