With the Internet being integrated into part of our natural lives and most of us being to busy to meet anyone, it’s no wonder that apps like Tinder and Bumble are becoming the ‘new thing’. But how much privacy do you have to give up in order to be part of the crowd?
I have been on and off both of the sites for about 3 years now and to say the least they are not always easy to deal with. As a young female, men can be pretty aggressive. Most of you have read or seen “Tinder Nightmares” or have heard from your friends some of the things that people will say once they are behind a computer; both men are women are at fault here. Yet, the difference being men happen to be most of the perpetrators. This is not me knocking or bashing men; when they’re good, they’re great but when they’re bad, they’re nightmares.
The longer I stayed in this game the more and more unsolicited messages I started receiving from guys outside of these websites and at first I was curious why this was happening. I was getting guys “sliding into my DM’s” on Instagram, which was understandable since my Instagram was connected (Tinder recommends this in order for people to get a better view of who you are). The only problem with that is if you choose not to connect with someone, it doesn’t matter; they can still find you.
I had one lovely gentleman call me a c**t because I told him I was uninterested, but hey, he went and found me randomly, sweet fellow. I knew it was going to occur so I remained calm and told him it was okay, he’s a male and have a hard time with rejection; that didn’t make it any better, but at least it made me smile.
At this point, like many women, we’re just deleting random heart eyed emojis and creepy “hey baby” messages that arrive completely unwarranted. What made me concerned was when someone added themselves onto my Snapchat.
Jose. Now, I don’t know anyone named Jose, so I asked, “Do I know you?” He responded just as I expected, “I’m sorry, not yet. I actually just saw you on Tinder. I hope you don’t mind that I added you?” From there I made no response, but my mistake was that I forgot to block him.
A wink face with a kiss gets sent my way about 3 hours later and I make no inclination that I want any part of this. I reply with, “No… idk you. You crept on here.” Now of course, why would he care? He doesn’t and retorts, “You are fu**ing hot”. Lovely.
What struck me as a concern was when I asked him where did he honestly think this was going to go? He grossly admitted that he would attempt to sext with me, which then he also admitted was doubtful, but he said this, “at least I could see some daily selfies”.
He was going to stalk me; plain and simple.
Now, I’m not being over dramatic or trying to cause a stint, but if you think about it for just a second, a random stranger went through a “dating” site and found a girl that he thought was attractive. He then swiped her right and saw that they did not match together, which should be his first inkling that she does not find him appealing. The only information that was given out freely is my Instagram name and nothing else. If you want to assume that my Snapchat and Instagram are the same, then you are searching and looking for something that I did not hand you. Snapchat is normally kept for close friends, as it is a daily, 24-hour, photo application, whereas Instagram is not. Snapchat has a much more personal feel to it. He then added me, randomly, as a stranger.
Had I not said a word to him, he would have proceeded to just check in on my story every day to see what I was doing. It’s getting warm so I would be running outside or at the beach for this stranger to see, but to him, “Stalk no. Just looking to see pictures of a good looking girl.”
No matter how nasty I got to this man he still continued to talk to me. It was as if at one point I might say, okay you're right, I'm sorry, and he might still have a chance. I was rude, dismissive, and cocky, and yet he was still there.
How many more times is this going to occur and where did the disconnect happen?
How much of my privacy do I have to be willing to give up in order to possibly find a relationship? I have gone on some very nice dates through both of these apps, but at this point is it worth it? We put so much of ourselves online to try and find a connection with another human being that we become very vulnerable in a poor way. When I addressed him about it I was called a “paranoid chick”, which seemed a bit much, but then again I wasn’t expecting a highbrow conversation.
I still have both Tinder and Bumble but I have disconnected Instagram from these applications to keep some of myself intact.
You can’t lose yourself in order to find someone else.
