“Don’t Tell My Wife”: 55 Hotel Workers Share Guest Stories That Left Them Absolutely Speechless

I once worked at a quasi-budget chain motel on the outskirts of a quaint little college town. This town also hosts a series of major car shows throughout the summer, and the locally-based employees prepped me with some fairly epic tales of debauchery that these shows brought.

My first two days working during one of these events were wholly uneventful, except for seeing a bunch of great cars everywhere. Walking back to my car after a Saturday evening shift, I paused for a second to light a cigarette - as soon as I stopped, a [bare] older man jumped out of some shrubbery along the sidewalk, pointed at me and yelled, "It found us!" Then he just sprinted away into a field. I'm still not sure if I'm the 'it' that found him, or if he was giving me a courteous heads up. I briefly considered following him, but I went to Wendy's instead.

I've been in the industry for 15 years, now. I have worked (almost exclusively) for Hilton brands, though there was a 2 year stint working at a Best Western and a Comfort Inn (I was the audit manager for both hotels, which were owned and operated by the same folks). These stories don't all take place at the same hotel, or in the same town, but they all happened to me. Here are some of my stories (I can elaborate on any you would like me to, but I'll try to keep this post brief).

* I've had a guest bring me his [feces] (in his bare hand) and ask me if it looked like he was getting enough fiber. When I refused to look, he threw it at me (it hit me square in the face).

* I've had real life Gypsies (or Romany, or The Travelling Folk, or whatever you want to call them) try to scam their way into 20 rooms at 1/4 price (the woman doing the talking had 9 IDs on her, they were all different states with her picture and different names on each).

* I've had a woman open a conversation with me by throwing her room key at my head (hitting me in the eye).

I was a housekeeper and laundry worker at a Days Inn. Here's a few of the best.

We had Mennonite family stay with us. They were polite and quiet, and even cleaned up after their kids at breakfast very well. When their room was opened up to bet cleaned, its turned out that someone had projectile vomited ~everywhere~ ceilings, carpet, even inside the bedding at the foot of the bed.

We had a weird couple that were on their "honeymoon" for a week. (Who honeymoons at a Days Inn in BFE??) The wife would come out and give our manager details in the early mornings. They never wanted service, and just kept asking for fresh towels. They wouldn't give us the dirty ones. When they checked out, every piece of linen in the room was covered in [feces].

We had a wedding party come in. Within a couple hours the bridesmaids were fighting in the lobby. One tried to escape out the front door. Another follwed her and ripped out her hair extensions and bashed here face against a glass door until she was bleeding profusely.

There was a hippie couple working out of their room for a month. I was the only one allowed in to clean once. Everyone else just took trash. They had piles of rocks everywhere. They made me pick individual hairs off their bed instead of changing the sheets.

And finally, my manager sold a very pregnant woman a room for cheap for a couple hours to nap and freshen up. When it was opened up the next morning, the queen bed was almost completely soaked from one side to the other with clear fluid. When I told my husband about it on break he told us to check for a baby in the garbage. :(

Yep, that'll about do 'er.

The hotel I used to work at gets a lot of military traffic from random NATO countries. A huge drunk German soldier tore off the front door once. The door was made of metal and glass. Despite that, they were the best drunks I've ever hosted. They were always polite (even the guy who tore the door off its hinges); they just came home and went to sleep.

The year we had British soldiers was the worst. They wanted to do nothing more than drink, fight with locals, party, destroy stuff and finish off with [call girls]. Every night.

I worked at a pretty [awful] low budget "3 star" hotel in Canada a year back. On my last month there, a guest came in to request to visit a potential room. Now, I didn't discover this myself, but I had no choice to afterwards. The guest comes back after the visit clearly pissed and leaves without saying anything. I go check the room afterwards only to discover a pillow head completely covered in human feces. Hell, even the room cleaning staff "didn't" notice it as it was clearly obviously found behind a chair. This was supposed to be a clean room ready to rent for the night.

Front Desk Supervisor here. We once had a guest check in at the beginning of a month. She did not come down for breakfast in the mornings. She refused any and all service to her room for an entire month. (no new sheets, no new towels, no general cleaning) But everyday she would come down to the front desk and ask for 4 bars of regular soap and an apple. That's it.

We tried looking her up google to see if she was a missing person somewhere or wanted or something, but we came up with nothing. Finally after about a month, her bank called us to try to figure out why she was staying here for so long, suspecting fraud. We verified the account with the ID and it all checked out, but she refused to talk to the bank herself, so the bank wouldn't let her transactions keep going through. We had to evict her from the room because her card would not longer authorize for the room.

She left the room out of side door with no belongings, in the same clothes we had seen her in day after day asking for those bars of soap. Inside her room, they found piles and piles of unopened soaps, just sitting there. Blood was splattered everywhere, in the bathroom, in the bedroom, all over the sheets and the duvet. And there were apple cores everywhere on the floor.

We never figured out what the hell was happening, but that's the weirdest story I've had so far.

TL;DR Soap + Apples = blood everywhere.

I worked at a very nice hotel. The place the President and visiting royalty would stay. I delivered a package to a drunk Miss Congeniality-era Sandra Bullock. She was very nice. I also delivered to the penthouse, where one of the 50,000 Saudi princes were staying. They were roasting two whole goats on the balcony.

We had a guest stay at our hotel for over a month. He would always come down to the lobby without a shirt on, make the female employees really uncomfortable, and flirt and talk about how he hated his ex-wife. When this guest checked out the housekeepers found pictures of his ex torn up and a deflated blowup doll covered in a white substance.

Two guests got into the basement and emptied the icemaker on to the floor. Then they [were going at it] on the ice.. Then I showed up.. I went back upstairs and let them finish. The guests are always right..

I worked in a hotel for 5 years, and my first year there, I saw 90% of the crazy I would ever encounter in that place.

I was working morning shift, and was knocking on guest doors to make sure everyone had checked out. I got to one room, knocked, got no answer, so I walked in, and was immediately assaulted by a horrendous smell. Like nothing I had ever experience before in my life, a sick, cloying smell, so thick it felt like a tangible wetness in the air that settled on your skin and tongue. I gag just thinking about it now. It didn't take long to find the source of the smell. With my face half buried in my sleeve, I walked in expecting to find a body. However, I did not, instead I found what looked like a body, only liquified, on the bed. Apparently, someone had given birth (to Cthulhu) in one of our rooms. I immediately backed out of the room, and called my GM. In the end we had to call the police for damages to property, and because we half expected to find a fetus stuck in the plumbing somewhere. The room was sealed off and we had to get a company to come in with their Hazmat suits to clean it up.

I had a guy who said his microwave didn't work and I went up to the room and he locked a plate of food in the safe.

My boss has told me the story of a couple on their honey moon

So we basically set out to try and get things our guests ask for and these newlyweds wanted a chocolate fountain. Sure, my boss thought, wouldn't be to much of a hassle right? No, they had to search like hell to find one. Well after the couples stay they check out and don't really say much. When the maid is going to clean the room she basically goes in and starts laughing, my boss comes into the room to and there is chocolate everywhere, you could see her bum cheeks in the bed and on the table and even on the ceiling. You could make out where they started and where they stopped.

A man was having his house deloused and deep cleaned and wound up staying at the local Marriott that I worked for at the time. He was there for something like 30 days or so, drunk and [under influence] the entire time. He never once let housekeeping in.
After his departure, the cleaning staff finally entered the room. They were horrified not only by the stench of the place, but also by the utter wreck he left behind. Basically every single piece of furniture was severely damaged, the floors stained and greasy, the linens too far gone for further use, and rotten food everywhere.
It took a week to get the room back in rotation. No wonder it took a month to get his house cleaned up and free of vermin.

I used to work in a hotel in Jasper, AB. One time, these guests who had checked out had absolutely destroyed their room. There were broken wine and beer bottles everywhere. They had purposely crushed chips and cereal into the floor, along with tooth paste all over the walls and furniture. That was not the worst part, however, cause as soon as I looked into the washroom it was evident they had clogged the toilet and decided to use the shower to relieve themselves instead (number 1 and 2). SO GROSS. Luckily I didn't have to clean it up.

Another time I was just cleaning up a families room, when the mother informed me (rather proudly, I might add). That her daughter had just entered woman hood and her sheets needed to be changed. Upon stripping the bed it was evident that it had gone through all the sheets and stained the mattress. The worst part was they made me flip the mattress over before I put fresh sheets on the bed.

I worked as a night manager at an Embassy Suites. We had a group in for a family reunion. I was walking the floors with security and walked in on two teenagers having [going at it] in the stairway. I told them that their room would probably be a better place for that, but they said their families were in the rooms. I realized at that moment that they were cousins...I didn't know what to say, so I told them that if I found them again I would have to bring them to their parents and explain what happened.

Worked as a night auditor for a motel (~50 rooms.) We had camera's set up on the indoor pool, entrance, and the back. Anyways one night someone didn't lock the pool and sure enough a man and woman entered, removed their clothing and had some fun. During their [intimacy] the woman made direct eye contact with the camera and seemed to freak for a second yet they continued anyway.

Afterward I hear the bell at the front desk (I'm the only one on shift at this point) and so I go up to help. Sure enough it was the couple, the guy upfront with a gigantic grin and the girl off a little ways with her eyes lowered. The guy asked something to the tune of, "Got any sandwiches here? I'm hungry." Told them we did not, just some candy bars, they walked off laughing and disappeared. Nothing that crazy but it was highly entertaining and humorous for me.

In a penthouse in myrtle beach, I found three items strewn across the floor. Nearly every inch of carpet had either dip cups, alcoholic containers, and dirty diapers. I mean everywhere. Felt really bad for the kid.

Oh and one time I think I walked in on a Russian pimp and 6 of his girls.

I worked hotel security years ago. I was working third shift during a convention one night, when I got on one of the elevators while doing a routine check of the building. The doors of the elevator opened up, and there in the middle of the floor was a pizza box. Something about that seemed a bit off, so I opened the box by stepping on a flap with one foot while flipping the lid open with the other. Inside were two huge human [feces] studded with dozens of toothpicks.

Once took roomservice to a woman who smelled like [terrible], they had to throw out some of the furniture in the room as well as the matters and bed linen after she stayed there for 1 night because they couldn't remove the smell. It was just this incredible inexplicable stench that permeated everything.

I worked in hospitality for about 5 years and there were some crazy guests. Probably the most disgusting was the older man [pleasuring himself] in and around the hot tub. He, like most people, didn't notice our very visible security camera in the corner of the room. The hot tub was glassed in and in complete view of the gym/games room. I think every staff member had watched the footage by the end of the day, we were especially disturbed by the "towel flossing" which concluded the event.

There were also the AC/DC fans that [urinated] in the hallway, the creepy guy who would harass us at the front desk and ask us to make him scrambled eggs in his room.