#1
Learn when to let go.
#2
There was an old man. I’d play cards with him. We’d talk about working on the farm we had. He was a nice guy. He figured out I was being physically abused. His health started declining and he couldn’t play cards or get out of bed. The last time I saw him. He said he was sorry he wasn’t younger and that he couldn’t help me. Almost 25yrs ago and I still remember him.
#3
Bored Panda reached out to therapist Dr. Tirrell De Gannes from the Thriving Center of Psychology to ask him why so many people only confront their deepest regrets at the end of their lives, and what we can do to recognize and address them sooner. He had this to say, “The main reasons that many people only confront their deepest regrets late are they live a life of routine that does not allow for backtracking and the fear of making a mistake in life is greater than most fears, but not the fear of death.”
“Every day, week, and month we live our lives doing roughly the same things and find ourselves at the end of our lives without a second thought and that leads to many regrets and missed opportunities. Many people fear that making the wrong decision in life will lead them to discomfort or worse but when you are sure you're going to die, that's when the average person reflects on the life decisions that got them through to that point, often leading to acknowledging regrets,” De Gannes added.
#4
Footnote....I was divorced 23 years when I met Rod. Been together for 11 years. I know that love now. It’s never too late.
#5
#6
De Gannes says, in terms of recognizing and addressing our regrets sooner, the recognition of regrets requires either a break from the routine, or added reflection points in the routine. This means going on vacations, using your sick days, asking someone out, saying yes to an event you weren't planning on going to, or at least scheduling one day a week where you assess if you're happy with your life and make changes according to your answer.
“In addition, we as people need to overcome the idea of making the right choice and instead accept that whatever choice we make for our lives is correct based on the knowledge we have at the time. Take the risk - the regret of not knowing is worse than knowing and moving on,” concluded De Gannes.
#7
I wish I could have made him aware that he had accomplished his last wish. But he died not really understanding that.
#8
Older 70’s female with hx of breast cancer. In ICU for sepsis I believe. I talked to her and she mentioned she was widowed. I gave my condolences and stated “That’s hard, I’m sorry about your loss. I imagine you miss him.” To my surprise she told me “No, actually I don’t. I was relieved when he died. I was never happy with him. I didn’t leave him because that’s not what we did back in the day. So here I wasted many years with a man who didn’t treat me well, and now I have cancer.”
Oof. Life lesson folks.
#9
Made a run on a woman in her 30’s for shortness of breath. Her and her boyfriend had just moved into an apartment together. They were fighting over something trivial, which room to unpack first or something. He thought she was just being dramatic. We transported, she never made it. Went from awake and talking to unresponsive and asystolic (no cardiac activity) in a matter of seconds.
They were so caught up in a little argument that they never said goodbye. They never told each other they loved them.
She didn’t have any last words. And honestly that’s even worse.
#10
Regret is one of the heaviest emotions we carry. Whether it’s missed opportunities, words left unsaid, or choices we wish we could change, regret can haunt us. But life doesn’t have to be filled with "what ifs." By living intentionally and learning how to process past regrets, we can create a more fulfilling future.
In her article for Psychology Today, Tchiki Davis (Ph.D.) writes that a recent meta-analytic study aimed to look across several studies on regret to see what the most common causes of regret are. The research showed that Americans’ six biggest regrets involve education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement, and leisure.
#11
He passed away later that week, and while I distinctly recall some of my classmates being upset, I felt relief for him. I knew he was where he wanted to be. I’ve had many patients since, but you tend to remember your first ones.
Other than that, ditto what everyone’s saying, more time with family/loved ones, wish they wasted less time with work or other b******t, etc.
#12
She rolled in breathing on her own, but very labored with asymmetrical chest expansion. She was profusely bleeding, had multiple deep lacerations, pupils blown, debris covering most of her, etc. Her vitals were unstable, she was circling the drain, we knew she was on the verge of coding... I was standing near her head, ready to assist in supporting her airway but also providing comfort and doing my best to calm her.
The woman looked me directly in the eyes and in a hoarse, labored voice stated, "I was angry, I told her I was disappointed in her." She began to cry, her vitals plummeted. "I'm sorry," was the last thing she said before her heart stopped. We coded her, intubated her, performed round after round of ACLS, only to eventually have to call time of death.
I still see her face at times, her eyes filled with more emotional pain than physical. It took much longer and was so much harder to write this than I thought it would be....
#13
According to Davis, common regrets include missed educational opportunities, failure to seize the moment, not spending enough time with friends and family, missed romantic opportunities, rushing into something too soon, and unwise romantic relationships.
Research shows that action (vs. inaction) produces more regret in the short term. For example, we might feel regret for saying something embarrassing or agreeing to do an annoying task for someone else. But these experiences of regret pass rather quickly.
#14
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#16
EDIT: Thank you for the award. I have no idea what this means but it made my day.
Those in the know agree the things we’re most likely to regret are actually the things we didn’t do. Regrets of inaction are stronger and persist longer than regrets of action. So, if we feel we “should have taken that trip,” or “should have gone to college,” these regrets likely last longer than regrets of having done something we might rather have not done.
In their article for PsychCentral, Sarah Barkley and Carrie Byrd write that living with regret can impact your mental health in several ways, including depression and lower life satisfaction, increased anxiety, lower self-esteem and confidence, a lack of motivation, and a feeling of hopelessness.
#17
The number one thing I always heard was "don't get old". It felt like I'd hear it at least a few times a week if not more often.
I won't say much more but hearing that from dozens of different people with different backgrounds who all end up in the same situation, it makes ya think.
#18
Most people are at peace with things though.
People also tend to wish they took their health seriously.
#19
Or they cry out for their SO in a panic. It's gotten to the point recently where we tell them ""SO" is right here with you". The look of relief on people's faces just hearing that gets me everytime. People just want to not be alone at the end.
The good news is that, if you’re living with regret and want to shake free from it, there are many ways to do it. In her article for VeryWellMind, Kendra Cherry writes that, while you can’t avoid regret, there are things that you can do to minimize these feelings or at least take the negativity out of them and turn your regrets into opportunities for growth.
Cherry suggests practicing self-acceptance, forgiving yourself, making amends for mistakes, and reframing your regret. In her article for Psyche, Jelena Kecmanovich says the content of your regrets can illuminate what matters most to you, so you can use your regrets to clarify your key values - what a useful way to turn your regret on its head!
#20
One of my patients held my hand one day, she was dying and out of breath and I was trying to just be there to calm her down and give some reassurance, she told me to never, ever smoke. She regretted smoking when young as now she is dying because of it. She hates smoking so badly because of all the damage. She described it as drowning, and said that when you are being choked to death and that sensation you are losing your breath is just absolutely terrifying and the worst.
Her words stuck with me, and in her final days we kept her as comfortable as we could as she struggled to breathe (with meds and everything). She passed not too long after but I wasn’t working that day.
Never forgot her advice.
Never took another puff.
Edit: thanks for my first award!!! 😊.