“I Broke My Parents Up”: 30 Of The Worst Things People Accidentally Did As Kids

When I was about 8 I asked my dad if we could play "the naked man game." My dad, trying not to panic, asked me what it was. I responded "it's the one we play when [the babysitter] is over." He then asked me to show him where the naked man game was, so I took him to the closet, opened the door, and pointed up to Operation.

He told me years later that he nearly had a heart attack.

I dry humped the sofa while my parents watched in silent horror.

I thought I was the first person to discover that rubbing my penis on things felt good. Many pieces of furniture fell victim to my testing. I discovered that the sofa was the best and I had to show my parents. I couldn't keep this to myself! I told them to come to the living room. I had something amazing to show them. I didn't just sexual assault their couch. I was teaching a class on it. Offering to let my dad have a go. They just stood there. It haunts me to this day. I have never asked them about it. They must have thought they were raising a sexual predator.

I almost let my younger stepbrother drown.

I (8 yr old) was supposed to be holding his(2yr old) hand while we were at lake fishing. He yanked out of my grasp and took off full sprint into the water. My stepmom had to go diving in after him. They blamed it on me but as an adult with kids about that same age, I would never trust a 8 year old to watch a toddler around a body of water. So it’s their fault.

I called it "the wolf game." I'd stand halfway between my house and the woods and howl, and see how many wolves I could get to show up.

My record was three before common sense kicked in... I should not have survived to adulthood lol.

I broke my parents up.

I asked my Mum if I could have dinner at my "Aunt Christie"'s house again because she cooked my favourite pasta. Turns out Mum didn't know who "Aunt Christie" was - which is because she wasn't really my aunt, she was the co-worker my Dad was sleeping with.

I used to spend several weeks out of every summer staying with my aunt and uncle. I got to play with my cousin, and presumably my single father got to take a break. One year, on the day I was due to come home, I called and asked permission to stay another week, and he agreed. After I went home, a family friend told me they had been at my house the week before...for my surprise welcome home party. Dad bought a cake, decorated, and bbq'd. This was a man who did not entertain or demonstrate affection. True to character, he never told me about the party he attempted.

Edit: Thanks for the heart to heart, reddit. To clarify, this was the 80's, before cell phones, so rescheduling the day of would have been difficult, plus just inconvenient to everyone who had agreed to attend. He could've made me come home, but the point is that he didn't, because he didn't want to disappoint me. I was still in HS when he died, so not mature enough to recognize how hard he tried sometimes. Glad to hear so many of you will be calling your dads.

The worst one was taking my mothers "personal massager" to school for show and tell as i was a fairly literal child and thats what it said on the packaging, it wasn't obviously a marital aide as it was one of the more "bullet" options. However my at the time **FEMALE** teacher knew exactly what that was and took it away from me and called my mother to let her know as delicately as possible what i had taken to school.

It wasn't until i was much older that I realized what i had done! my mother gets a good laugh out of that one though for sure!

**EDIT** and now my most rated comment is about my mothers dildo, im sure she would be so proud!

I don't know if it's the worst but I ruined my parents romantic anniversary.

I was around 7 and I woke up in the middle of the night because my stomach didn't feel well. So I went upstairs to tell my parents.

When I opened their door I remember there were candles, music playing and when my mom saw me she immediately pulled a blanket around herself.

She asked my what I was doing up and before I could even finish my sentence I projectile vomited all over everything.

I got pissed off at my parents and yelled "FUCK YOU!" at them. The next day I told a friend of mine "I fucked my dad last night," because that's what I thought fucking someone was to tell them "fuck you."

My uncle and his new wife came over to visit late one night when I was about 6. I was supposed to be in bed so the adults could enjoy visiting but I was determined to stay up and see what was going on, so I asked my mom in front of everybody if I could have a snack before bed, even though I’d never had bedtime snacks. My mom was strict about eating right, so of course she said no and told me to go back to bed. I decided to make a scene and lay in the floor begging for food, saying I hadn’t eaten in ages, that I was starving and ask for just one raisin. My new aunt watched, horrified, as my mom stayed firm and dragged me back to bed as I fake cried and begged her not to beat me. I was a very skinny child due to illness, so my aunt probably thought I really was being abused, but the truth is that I had good parents, I was just a little s**t sometimes.

I was about 7 when I made an enemy of my next door neighbour. I still dont see it as my fault that he had side chicks and side children and I didn't understand s**t about that. When one of his assorted children came to play I was like 'I was playing with your brother the other week'.

'What brother?'

'Oh you know, the one your dad has with that other lady'

Book smart street dumb, was me.

As a young little [airhead] my favorite prank was to lock bathroom stall doors and then crawl underneath them and exit the scene. One time, my parents dragged me to Costco with them. I went to the biggest stall in the back of the bathroom, locked that s**t and scampered away with a grin. I ended up going back to the same Costco the next day because my parents had to return something. I went to the same stall and it was still locked, this time I actually had to take a s**t. I crawled under the door only come face to face with an old guy looking at me like I was from another planet. I recoiled away so hard that I smacked my head on the bottom of the door and ran from that bathroom like I'd never run in my life. I crack myself up whenever I try to imagine what that guy was thinking when a 9 year old tried to hijack his toilet.

One time I put a penny in my parent’s car’s cigarette lighter socket. It was the 80’s so lighter sockets were all over the car, including the doors in the backseat. It completely drained the battery within a few hours, and it took the guy at the garage a few days to figure out what was wrong with the electrical system.

When I was a kid, I used to hit rocks from my backyard with my wooden bat out of the yard. For some reason, I never thought of what consequences could from it because to me I was just practicing my swing. One day, my neighbourhood got together to figure out why someone was smashing their cars with rocks. I never got in trouble for it and to this day it's still a mystery to them and I'm in my 20's now.

My baby sister once said to one of the nursery staff that her favourite thing to do was "crack with mummy".

After some concerned phone calls and some explanation. Mum explained to them that "crack" was when they hit the top of a boiled egg with a spoon.

I decided I wanted to burn trash in the middle of the Texas summer so my dumb little a*s did just that. I just threw some cardboard boxes and s**t into this barrel on my property we always had, figuring it would be contained you know? I poured some lighter fluid in there from my dad’s grill, lit a match and boom!

Up it went and my weird child obsession with Fire was quenched until the damn fire jumped out of the barrel and started racing towards the pine woods.(It was around Huffman tx, lots of pine trees) . There was apparently a raccoon in there I doused with lighter fluid and set on fire under the trash I was trying to burn.

Well I ended up burning up a good portion of trees behind my house before the fire fighters came. Thankfully it wasn’t that bad and our house didn’t burn down but it was the scariest moment of my life. I don’t think I ever burned anything again, my heart was broken. I cried for days I felt so damn bad for that raccoon.

I told my mom I betrayed Steve Irwin because I hurt an animal really bad. I’m pretty sure I started writing a letter to apologize but I was afraid he wouldn’t forgive me so pussed out.

Not me, but my sister. She used the garden hose to "put gas in Mommy's car."

My mom has/had severe depression, and I wrote her a poem for mother's day when I was 8 that had lines like "I love you even though you cry all the time." I was really proud because I thought it really showed how much I care and I read it aloud to her. I didn't get the reaction I was expecting.

I put nails under my parents car tires because I didn't want to go to church...

--Edit-- This blew up overnight! Thank you kind stranger for taking my reddit gold virginity!

When we were both 8, I gave my cousin a corn cob pipe I found in a drawer in the garage, and he put lawn clippings in it and smoked it, and had to be rushed to the hospital. Apparently my aunt and uncle had just chemically treated the lawn and he smoked a whole bunch of nasty pesticides and herbicides.