#1
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When you are marrying someone, it’s good to be sure whether they make a good partner or not. Since you are committing yourself to this person in a serious manner, you want to know if they are worth it, don’t you?
The problem is that there’s no official guide on what kind of a person is the most suitable for marriage. Of course, certain characteristics are commonly sought after, like emotional maturity, independence, honesty, empathy, and affection, to name a few. Their level of importance varies from person to person, you know, to each their own.
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#5
I've known a guy who would pick fights with his spouse and then come to tell us it all started because she was pregnant and very emotional. Honestly even if it was true why would you throw your spouse under the bus like that??
Needless to say we ain't friends no more.
#6
Yet, even if you do the most careful character analysis, it doesn’t mean you will land a perfect partner. The thing is, relationships are way more than just the theoretical suitability of characteristics – it takes a lot of work.
You have to make sure to make time for your partner, show them gratitude, stay loyal, and be forgiving, if needed. And still, even then, it doesn’t mean it will be all good. After all, there’s no secret that divorce rates are high nowadays. Here, in the United States, every year, 4-5 million people get married, and around 42-53% of those marriages end in divorce.
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#9
Walking ahead of them and never checking if theyre even still with you
Leaving all housecleaning up to them
Leaving all childcare up to them.
Granted, there could be plenty of reasons for divorce. Though the most common are lack of commitment, infidelity, incompatibility, marrying too young, financial issues, substance use, and domestic violence.
Technically, you can avoid people with whom you might run into problems like these by avoiding those with, let’s say, a violent temper. Yet, even this doesn’t guarantee that you’ll avoid it – domestic exploiters tend to show their vile side way later, when commitment is made, while up front they might seem lovely.
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#12
Proceeds to call me stupid every single day. Telling me everything I like is dumb and so are my parents. All my pets are dumb. He is the smartest person ever. He knows how to do everything. He spent five years in S. Korea. Knows more about Korea than my mom who was born there and lived there for 20 years. Says he’s afraid to let my mom dog sit because she might eat our dogs.
-Ex husband.
At the same time, some of the divorce causes can’t be attributed to any particular characteristic. Like incompatibility – at the beginning of the relationship, you might fit together perfectly, but with time, various experiences (both together and separately) can reshape you and skew your compatibility. So, it’s nothing you can predict before time, is it?
Of course, it doesn’t mean you should let your guard down and stop looking for red flags when dating. Being on the lookout is always important, as long as it’s not the sole thing you base your whole dating life on.
#14
You put your spouse down in a "joking" manner in front of others.
You actively try to make sure your spouse never gets to do any pleasurable activity that doesn't include you (hobbies and such).
You're jealous and seek to control your partner.
You allow your partner to carry the whole households chores and when you do *something* you frame it as "helping" your spouse or doing them a favor.
#15
So…him, he’s what screams horrible spouse.
This time, to help you out with that red flag lookout, we decided to compile a whole list of signals that a person might not be spouse material. Even if you are already coupled up, this can still be useful to you – for example, in spotting if your spouse is up to par. Understand, we are not poking holes in your relationship; we just want to raise awareness about some things that might not be acceptable.
Maybe you have even more examples you can add to this list? We’re always eager to hear you out in the comments!
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#18
I see this too often in relationships. And they brain wash them into thinking it’s necessary to be a good spouse or parent.
I usually see this come from the side of the relationship that doesn’t engage in hobbies or stay in touch with their friends if they had any. It’s like because they don’t have any they have to pull the other one down.
These are usually the people who you notice the biggest differences in when they get divorced. You see them get vitally back bc they are once again doing the things that bring them joy and letting joyful people back into their life.
#19
#20
So uhh, that.