While everyone has at least heard a large variety of insults during their life, they are typically dumb, stock phrases yelled in anger. Which is why a well-honed verbal attack tends to stick with us for a long time after it’s actually been said.
So we’ve gathered some of the best insults people have heard and memorized or even been subjected to themselves. Get comfortable as you scroll through, add your favorites to your own arsenal, upvote the most creative examples and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments down below.
#1
This was years ago, but at a bar a guy told me I would look better if I wasn’t wearing glasses. I told him he would look better if I wasn’t wearing glasses too.
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45points
#3
16 year old me trying to convince my dad to take my fiends and I to see American Pie:
Dad: so what is it about?
Me: a group of high school friends trying to lose their virginity.
Dad: I can stay home and see that.
Dad: so what is it about?
Me: a group of high school friends trying to lose their virginity.
Dad: I can stay home and see that.
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32points
#4
My 9 year old daughter to my 7 year old son at the movie theater: “when the movie starts you’re gonna have to stop talking… you should practice now.”
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31points
#6
I have neither the time, nor the crayons to explain this to you.
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31points
#7
“The acoustics inside your head must be amazing.”.
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29points
#8
I am not saying you the dumbest guy on Earth, but you better hope nothing happens to that guy.
28points
#9
Old but gold....
The famous insult exchange between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill involved Lady Astor stating, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea" to which Churchill retorted, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
The famous insult exchange between Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill involved Lady Astor stating, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea" to which Churchill retorted, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
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27points
#10
You’re not stupid, you just have bad luck when thinking.
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24points
#12
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of ELDERBERRIES!"
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23points
#13
Back in the day of Modern Warfare 2 I was playing some search and destroy when a young kid started talking, so naturally everybody in the lobby starts giving him a hard time.
This one guy tells the kid "shut up kid, I bet you're fat" and the kid responded "I'm only fat because every time I do your mom she gives me a cupcake". I had a good laugh at that one.
This one guy tells the kid "shut up kid, I bet you're fat" and the kid responded "I'm only fat because every time I do your mom she gives me a cupcake". I had a good laugh at that one.
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22points
#14
Rude lady with little kids at the store; she gets tired of waiting in line and yells "Hurry up! I have kids!" To which a guy in line behind her replied "Well ma'am, we all make mistakes, don't we?".
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21points
#15
One I recently heard for the first time
"You're the reason the Power Rangers need to shout out their colours".
"You're the reason the Power Rangers need to shout out their colours".
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19points
#17
"You have two brains cells, and both of them are fighting for third place.".
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19points
#19
Tom Arnold's response to Roseanne Barr.
Whenever the toxic relationship between Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr post break up is mentioned, the tendency is for the discussion to favor Roseanne because she's the one who went on to superstardom for a time.
However, Arnold absolutely hit a brutal bullseye some years back when she ridiculed the size of his pp on SNL, saying it was only three inches.
Shortly thereafter, while appearing on Letterman, Arnold delivered this scathing clap back:
"Even a 747 looks small when you're flying over the Grand Canyon."
Ouch. That's how you fire back.
Whenever the toxic relationship between Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr post break up is mentioned, the tendency is for the discussion to favor Roseanne because she's the one who went on to superstardom for a time.
However, Arnold absolutely hit a brutal bullseye some years back when she ridiculed the size of his pp on SNL, saying it was only three inches.
Shortly thereafter, while appearing on Letterman, Arnold delivered this scathing clap back:
"Even a 747 looks small when you're flying over the Grand Canyon."
Ouch. That's how you fire back.
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18points