We all want what’s best for our kids. Sometimes, however, parents try so hard to be the best for their kids and make the little daredevils happy that they inevitably spoil them. A spoiled child can’t handle hearing “no” and instead responds by throwing tantrums or going into full meltdowns. As onlookers watch, wondering what’s up with the poor little kid, their parents face the obvious– it’s them who failed to set boundaries early, and things may be too late.
Some time ago, Bored Panda spoke with professional educator Lynn How, the author of “Positive Young Minds” who specializes in supporting parents, teachers, and children navigating through mental health issues and prevention. How shared a couple of insights into this topic about which many parents don’t feel comfortable talking.
How explained that a lack of appropriate boundaries can be very confusing for a child. “Although on the outside, these children can seem argumentative and rude, this stems from a lack of self-confidence on the inside as they have not been given these tools,” she said. The educator explained that “once their safety blanket of the parents spoiling them has been removed, coping on their own would bring on anxiety which could manifest itself as a tantrum.”
Spoiled children form behavior that manifests in communicating not just with their parents or caregivers, but with friends, relatives, even strangers too. “Often these children will have friendship issues as they find it challenging to let others have their own way and they may find it difficult to form positive relationships with other adults such as teachers due to difficulty with conformity,” How explained and added that this adds up to a childhood that is more challenging than it needs to be.
What’s interesting is that much of spoiled behavior, if not treated early, continues into adulthood. “Do you know anyone who has trouble keeping their emotions in check when they don’t get their own way? It may be that they were spoilt as a child and this hasn’t done them any favors as they move into their adult life,” How told us.
She explained that these children may turn into adults who show less resilience when things go wrong and they may give up easily when things aren’t working out. Also, they want it all and they want it now, whereas most adults can tolerate delayed gratification.
“Other traits that they may display include a lack of independence as their problems were generally solved for them, an inability to take criticism as nothing they did badly would invoke the appropriate feedback, and the idea that everything should just come to them easily without too much work. This last point is also coupled with a huge sense of disappointment when it doesn’t work out.” Being spoiled as a child doesn’t set a child up to have positive relationships or good mental health as an adult and that becomes a way greater problem than it was when the kid was little.
