45 Times People Wrote Such Hilarious Apology Notes, Recipients Just Had To Share Them

To gain more insight on the topic of apologies, we reached out to Molly Howes, PhD, author of A Good Apology: Four Steps to Make Things Right, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda.

When it comes to what's required to make an effective apology, Molly says, "If you’ve screwed up or made a mistake or hurt someone, what’s most important to bear in mind is how the other person felt. Your apology should express interest in how you affected them, take responsibility for your action/inaction, make recompense or repair, and give assurance that you won’t repeat it."

We were also curious about common mistakes people tend to make while apologizing. "Obvious amends-making mistakes include: blaming the 'victim,' (I only did it because of what you said first); making excuses (There was a lot going on/ I was confused), saying 'but' or 'if' (I’m sorry but you know I didn’t mean it/ I’m sorry if you were hurt), leaving things vague (I’m sorry for what happened), and doing the same thing again," Molly shared.

When it comes to incorporating humor into an apology, Molly says humor can be a great way to join together or build on common understanding. But it might not always be appropriate. "I expect a common mistake is to be funny too soon, that is, before you know how the other person was actually affected and before they know that you understand," the expert explained.

"You risk hurting a second time because of insensitivity – especially if the humor attempts to minimize the harm done," Molly continued. "Later, that same funny line could be fine. In general, it’s smart (and kind) to take your lead from the other person’s readiness."

Finally, Molly left us with some wise words. "Funny apologies are often terrible as apologies but good as jokes. Serious apologies are also often terrible as apologies and aren’t even funny."

Making apologies can be tough for a variety of reasons, one of which being that you’re never entitled to forgiveness. The right thing to do is fess up to a mistake and inform the other party that you feel guilty, that it won’t happen again and that you’re hoping you can move past it. But it’s up to the receiver of the apology to decide whether or not they accept it. So it’s best to be sincere when making a plea for forgiveness!

According to Harvard Health Publishing, there’s an art to giving heartfelt apologies. And step one is understanding where the other person is coming from. If you’re not sure if you actually owe them an apology, be sure to consider the situation from their perspective. Would you be upset? 

Next, it’s important to be genuine when making an apology. Even if you want to incorporate humor, because you have a close relationship with the person you’re apologizing to or the situation wasn’t very dramatic, you have to mean what you’re saying. To accomplish this, the late psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Lazar believed that a great apology incorporated four elements: acknowledging the offense, explaining what happened, expressing remorse and offering to make amends. 

As with anything else in life, apologies aren’t only about what you’re saying, but also how you’re saying it. “I’m sorry that you feel that way,” sounds very different from “I’m so sorry that I made you feel that way.” Be sure to take responsibility for what exactly happened, and don’t use a passive voice. “Mistakes were made” is not the same as “I made a mistake.” And avoid blaming the other person for their feelings or your behavior.   

Another key component of an effective apology is promising to change your behavior in the future. There’s no point in saying that you’re sorry if you plan on acting the exact same way tomorrow. Remember that apologizing is only half of the process. You also have to implement the changes that you promised and work on repairing the damaged relationship. Even if all you did was eat your pregnant wife’s last chocolate bar, you better be sure not to do it again. (And buy her more, so she has a healthy stash on hand!)

As painful as apologizing can be, research shows that genuine apologies can actually increase empathy and forgiveness among victims. A heartfelt apology can even decrease stress levels and reduce heart rate. And while it’s important to know how to make amends effectively, it’s also wise to know what not to do when asking for forgiveness.

Andrea Bonior, PhD writes for Psychology Today that one common mistake people make when asking for forgiveness is “retrying their case,” or attempting to explain why they didn’t actually do anything wrong. This is likely to only make the wound deeper.