“As children grow up, they slowly start the process of separation from the protection of their parents,” Susan Petang, a certified stress management and life coach from The Quiet Zone Coaching, told Bored Panda in a previous interview about the challenges of adolescence.
"It starts with the 'Terrible Twos.' Toddlers begin to recognize that they are an individual separate from their caregivers, and start experimenting and exploring. As they grow, there are other times when they move further from the protection of the family 'nest.' It's totally normal, and necessary for them to learn how to function independently,” she explained.
“There's a fine line between letting our kids learn from their own mistakes and keeping them safe, though,” Susan said and added that while a teen is learning to interact socially, their moodiness can be hard to take. It’s how a lot of the tension between teens and their parents originates, she argued.
The life coach explained that teenagers have a lot of physical and emotional issues all going on at the same time that are confusing and hard to manage. “There are a few reasons for this: There are the emotional challenges of dealing with hormones. They don't have the social skills yet to communicate what they're feeling. Teens don't have the world experience to know and understand their complex emotions. Let's add the fact that their brains aren't yet fully developed (and won't be until their late 20s),” Susan explained and added “It's a recipe for rollercoaster emotions.”
It’s not easy to deal with any teenager, but special hardship goes to parents whose kids are rebelling against them. “The best advice I can give parents is to listen to their teens, and have compassion for what they're experiencing. Remember what it was like when you were that age!
Start with reflective listening. 'It sounds like you're upset,' 'It feels like you think my decision is unfair,' or, 'It looks like you didn't understand what I meant.'”Susan reminds parents that it’s very important for them to stay calm and have a solution-oriented attitude; solve the problem and don't cast blame.
“It's important that teens get some freedom to make mistakes and learn how to navigate the world, so allow them to have control over decisions that aren't critical. Pick your battles—insist on compliance when their safety is at stake. (How they dress, for example, isn't as important as avoiding drugs and alcohol),” she explained.
When rebelling teens make a mistake or act out, Susan's advice is to use this XYZ statement: “When you do X, I feel Y, and I'd like Z. Here's an example: 'When you stay out past your curfew without calling, I worry about your safety. I'd like you to let me know when you'll be late.' Make sure to compromise. For example, when my 14-year-old daughter wanted to go to a concert in NYC with her friends, I would only allow it if I knew how she was getting there, how she was getting home, who would be there with them (an adult!), and that she would check in with me every hour via text,” the life coach concluded.
