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“I think the most important factor of why so many couples struggle to maintain their relationship from high school through college and beyond is the recognition that you've outgrown each other,” shared dating and relationship coach for high-achieving women Sami Wunder with Bored Panda.
“I think the transition that happens from high school to college is the time in our lives where we make significant personal growth, and we develop new interests, values, and goals,” she added. We may not be aware that we are not who we were when we met our partner first, so very often there is just an outgrowing that pushes people apart and breaks relationships.
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We have now been together almost 8 years and married for almost 2. We have 3 children and live a quiet life in the country and I’m thankful everyday to have found him. We may not be rich or have lots of fancy things, but we have true love and loyalty and I feel safe for the first time in my life after finding him. I have purpose and my life has meaning. He is our rock and the best man I know.
Sami noted that another factor that may be a challenge for young couples who came together in high school or college is the geographical separation. “When you're together and you're in the same town, you're in the same school, it's so much easier to nurture your relationship and be close to each other,” she emphasized.
The dating and relationship coach also pointed out that when people come together very young, they often can have this romantic idea about life and love, and that all you need is love. “And then when you step out into the real world, you realize you need to make money and you need to, you know, show up and handle responsibilities, and often that can put strain on relationships,” she continued.
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What a sweet girl she was! I was so sad for her husband and kids....still sad about it.
Now, speaking about the importance of sharing feelings with your crush, Sami shared that she doesn’t agree with this opinion. “Personally, I feel like crushes come and go and it’s important to not keep acting and reacting to every single one. If you start acting on all those feelings, your love life could end up looking like a mess.”
However, she noted that she believes there is something to speak for when it comes to having courage and bravery, to be honest with yourself. “I think what's important then is to be detached from the outcome. A lot of people share their feelings with their crushes to get a positive and that is the dangerous part.”
And do this for yourself. Do this to honor yourself, do this to honor your truth. Do this to be authentic with yourself. Do this to know that in the future, you will have no regrets and that you are honest and upfront about your true emotions. However, do not do this to get an outcome, because that can be really tricky.
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Moreover, Sami noted that it’s important to do it as an act of self-love, so that you don’t regret it in the future. “There is no fear like fear of missed opportunity. If they once knew and they still didn't do anything about it, then you at least knew that you did your part of the process.”
Clarity and closure is also really important. When you have all these uncertainties - ‘does he like me? Does he like me now? Does she like me?’ Just being able to express your feelings is so powerful. “Either you go ahead with that person because they reciprocate or you don't. And you win either way by getting clarity and closure.”
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Finally, we asked Sami Wunder to share the most common myths about high school relationships and she said the first one is the belief that they never last. “And I don't believe this is true. I have personally encountered so many coaching clients who are happily in love with the person they met 20 years ago, at high school or in college. So I have to say that every relationship is different.”
She added that another myth is that people often have the idea that true love is going to last effortlessly. “So if I met my person in high school, and we've known each other for a very long time, it's just going to last. And that is so wrong,” she emphasized.
“No matter where you met your sweetheart and how you met them, and how young you were, and how well you know each other, every romantic relationship needs nurturing, needs attention, needs time and effort. So many people take that for granted when they've known somebody for a long time.”
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“I also believe that there's a myth that high school relationships are not serious,” added Sami. “A lot of people think that people who come together in high school, it's just a high school relationship.”
People tend to assume when you meet somebody so young, you are not mature, you don't know what you're looking for. And while there could be some truth to it, like we're still in the process of maturation at 16, and 17, and 18, there are plenty of examples where people have found each other's soulmates and people have found their soulmate at this stage of their life.
“Every relationship, no matter when you got together or how you got together, should be given its due chance,” pointed out Sami.
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Came to find out he was subsidizing that life with a smidge of fraud and a touch of addiction to prescription pain medication. We’re talking a federal investigation.
Truly the biggest shock of my life.
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So guys, don’t forget to check out Sami’s website!
And do you remember your high school crush? Share your stories in the comments below!
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