Heyo Pandas This Is A Safe Space Feel Free To Vent

my show is coming up really really fast, and rehearsals are getting later and later every night. and it's great but it also is a lot. because since i'm playing a female role there are more opportunities to be treated like a female and i am. i have to fall in love with warbucks, i have to be a mother to annie, and i have to be called a she and a miss. it just feels like i'm a wide open walking dysphoric monster. that doesn't even make sense i'm sorry idk. and my parents have really taken to calling me their daughter and she and miss and her and girl and sister. and today my dad mentioned something about me having kids and i actually wanted to throw up or cry or both. i don't want kids i don't want kids i do NOT WANT KIDS I CANNOT SAY THIS ENOUGH IT WILL JUST BE A REMINDER THAT I'M ALWAYS GOING TO BE A GIRL TO EVERYONE. i'm always going to be seen as a girl no matter how hard i try. it never seems to be good enough. i mean there's people that think i'm freaking straight. i hate myself and my body and i know i'm going to relapse soon and there's nothing i can do about it.