Hey Pandas, You Can Vent Here

Day after day, life is the same. Do not have the money or the confidence to change anything. Life is slowly deteriorating around me. One day I will die.

hmm besides the fact that i can’t recognize myself in the mirror and i’m slowly going insane and i hate myself and i can’t tell if anything’s real anymore, i’m fine! ✨💅✨

My social anxiety is getting better, I’m able to talk to my boyfriend on the phone and not sit in awkward silence. I’m actually more outgoing and confident now.

Going through burnout and I think I’ve messed up my sleep cycle very badly. I only slept for 2 hours one week ago and my body has decided to never go back to normal. I feel like a terrible person most of the time, I feel like I’m rude, disrespectful, annoying and many more things. I don’t even know what emotions I’m feeling but I am feeling something because it’s preventing me from clearing my head and doing important stuff. I’ve discovered that I have a lot of problems and they’re all because my brain doesn’t seem to function normally. I only retain useless information, I have a hard time completing assigned tasks, I can’t commit to things and I talk loudly without realising it when I’m feeling strong which is very embaressing especially in class because I can’t talk about anything without someone telling me to lower my volume

I have literally nothing to do, and I'm slowly going insane. My wrist hurts so badly, and while I'm supposed to see a psychiatrist for whatever is going on with my brain soon, idk when/if that's actually going to happen, or how long it's going to take to figure out if I need medication or something. And also trying to draw with your non dominant hand is very difficult and extremely frustrating. Also fvck insurance companies.

Tired of all the bs in the world

Not exactly venting but I just want to say that I'm significantly less suicidal than I've been for the past few days. I doubt it's a permanent thing as my mental health has this wonderful habit of consistently getting worse, but I have done sh in a few days and I'm starting to actually feel things again. I'm definitely not at 100% but maybe I will be once it get sunny again. Or I'll just go back to being a suicidal mess but hey it's like a 50/50 chance and I'm an optimist

I don’t even care anymore. Right now I’m on my phone when I should be sleeping (I’ve been doing this for years just now I don’t really care if I get caught). At this point I don’t really think anything good will happen to me in the next few years. I’m slowly going insane. Everything I say is challenged by my parents. I want to go home, even though I’m at my house. I don’t get hungry anymore, I was hungry at like 3pm the other day and it caught me off guard so I actually ate something. I hate my body and I feel like I look like s**t at all times. It’s just hit me that people kill themselves. I knew this as a fact, just hadn’t understood. I don’t even know may but I was scared to death when she signed off like that and I was more relieved than anything else in my entire life when she confirmed she was alive.
I must’ve sounded like some weird fanboy when I commented on three of her posts. I miss being myself. I finally felt comfortable in myself the other day and experienced absolute euphoria and happiness and now I hate myself again. If I were high nobody would probably notice because of how stupid I am every day. I hate people and I hate society. My “friend” keeps telling me to smile more and s**t. I hate living, but I don’t feel like dying.

The intrusive thoughts won't stop. The little voice in my head telling me dumb s**t about myself is making me really hate myself. I've also been having some dysphoria lately which doesn't help. I'm really worried about my friend who is most likely going to get outed to their mom and we don't know how bad her reaction is going to be. They have a plan if things don't go well, but I just keep worrying what if something unexpected goes wrong or what if this is that.
This is kinda random, but they need a gender neutral name that starts with A if anyone has any ideas

i’m bored. i don’t have much to do with my life. my computer is broken so i have to buy a new one. i don’t know who or what i am at this point. i’ve been an a*****e to my parents and i think my father hates me. i have no money. the only person who i ever really truly loved left me last year and my soul feels empty. i have no tears left to cry and no love left to give. any happiness i’ve felt is marred by a constant feeling of dread and sadness. i’m starting a new school this summer but i shouldn’t be there. i have nowhere to go and nothing to feel. i’m just drifting through a hollow void, my body an empty shell, my mind the only thing that does anything, and all it does is hurt me. i don’t feel like dying, but i don’t wanna live like this. i feel like there’s something more to my life and the world, but i can’t get to it. i just don’t know what to do, or even if i want to do it.

Probably a TW for everything gahahahahah
I’m so forking excited for Heartstopper season 2 it’s painful I’m not even joking I literally was contemplating suicide until I watched that forking show and forking convinced me life would forking turn out forking fine but it’s still forking like this. I’ve managed to crush on a straight girl, a aromantic asexual demigirl, and a boy I’m pretty sure is gay. Everyday I wish I could forking be normal and just like people who could like me back. I was a full year self harm free but then here I am with a fresh little scab how fun hahahahahahhahaah. I don’t like it here all I do lately is write cuz I can’t stand my own life so I made up a new one I think I need therapy but I don’t have anyone to reach out to. I want to leave this forking earth but my friend also does but has told my he thinks he would’ve already if he didn’t have me and I literally can’t. I hate it I hate I hate it. It’s horrible. I want to leave so bad but I can’t leave him. I want to die but not if he dies too. I can’t eat without my sweatshirt on right. It could be 37 C out there and I’d put on my freaking sweatshirt because I CANT eat without it it hurts or something Charlie spring would get it I think there’s heart stopper leaves on shoes because it feels like there’s nothing else that brings me joy i hate it here get me out I like bored panda though I was off for too long and I know nobody misses me. I had an old account haha. Nobody cares of course. I can’t even belt anymore. I’ve cried so much lately that my throat is sore. If I did not cry then maybe I could sing defying gravity again but until then I can only sing in head voice and I hate this I hate this I hate this. Why can’t life be normal people have anxiety and depression all the time but at least some of them don’t want to sing there’s nothing else that brings my joy anymore I either overfeel or feel nothing at all. My head hurts. I hate thiiiiissssss. Im still gonna freaking be cheerful though cuz that’s how I am. Im even writing this is a cheerful little girl tone because that’s how I am idk hahahahahha

Y’all need to get off the f*****g internet and go for a f*****g walk. There is no way everyone here is this f*****g dysfunctional

Y’all need to get off the f*****g internet and go for a f*****g walk. There is no way everyone here is this f*****g dysfunctional