Hey Pandas, You Can Rant Here

I feel s****y posting on my own ask, but I really do need to talk. Things have been getting progressively worse recently and it's ended up being really bad. I haven't actually attempted suicide yet, but I'm going back into self harm and my suicidal ideations/self hatred are back. I think my boyfriend has a bit to do with it- not directly, of course, but me being clingy and insufferable means I always want to be able to talk to him and him not liking me nearly as much as I like him is really not great. It's totally my fault, me being who I am (obnoxious and barely tolerable at a regular mental health level), and I'd never blame him. It's just that I really did think I had found someone who genuinely wanted to spend time with me. It's just my issue of getting too attached to people who end up hating me.

All in all, I have no idea what's wrong with me or how to fix it. Things are getting worse and I know that at this rate there's a decent chance I'm going to kill myself before I turn 18.

I had a meltdown yesterday ( i know I know it's immature) and it was because my brain overcomplicated a simple thing which was saying a fun fact to my mom. When she explained it back my brain got stuck on her using present tense and I had a meltdown. I couldn't speak and started sobbing like a baby.( Yes I know VERY immature) and she was trying to reason with me but it made it worse. Like saying it was for a dumb reason ( my meltdown) and saying I needed to communicate like a normal person. I hate my meltdowns and I haven't had one in a while. My point is I get what my mom was trying to do but that just made my meltdown worse. I was curled under a blanket crying because my weird brain got stuck on her using present tense instead of past tense. Yep.

F**k everyone, f**k me, f**k you and f**k the whole universe. f**k my stupid eyes, f**k my stupid nerves, f**k my stupid mental health and f**k my stupid brain.

I’ve had enough. Four times in my life I was so close to committing suicide. Once I tried choking myself. Once I almost hung myself. Twice I almost stabbed myself through the heart. It’s all because of my super religious horrible emotionally abusive family. I want to love life and I’m sure I can have a good one if I take action. So I’m running away.

Nothing dire. But right now my back hurts and in a bad mood. I just want to to smoke the only cigarette I'm allowing myself to have until tomorrow and look at posts on bored panda. But my boyfriend has come out 4 times interrupting my zoning out to tell me random bulls**t and now my cigarette is done and I'm annoyed 😤

My life is spiraling out of control, and there's nothing i can do about it. There's something wrong with my brain, but I don't know what. I can't focus on anything, I can't do things that used to be super easy, like reading and basic math. I went to a doctor but once she heard I had covid a few months ago she decided that all my mental problems are a result of long covid, even though this has been going on longer than that. My parents are arguing constantly, and my dad keeps forgetting to take his medication and keeps getting really manic, I'm worried about my mom because she seems way more depressed than usual but I don't know what to do. I'm on spring break and was looking forward to it, but my uncle is here so he and my parents just hang out and play card games that I don't know all the time so I just hide in my room and listen to music all day. I only have 2 friends, and both of them are out of town. I don't have anyone to talk to about stuff. There's a bunch of other stuff, but I've already ranted too much. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense.

lately i've just been feeling bad about myself. my hair is getting too long for my liking and my mom won't let me cut it until after my show (in early may) like if i tilt my head back i can feel my hair on my back and i hate it. and i can't figure out how to tell people about my preferred name and pronouns. and when i'm referred to as sister, daughter, niece, granddaughter, she, her, etc, it makes my stomach hurt.

I’m suffering from an eating disorder called Anorexia, it’s slowly killing me, and my boyfriend is really worried about me dying from my eating disorder. I’m having difficulty telling my mom about my eating disorder because she thinks I’m eating normally but I’m really not eating normally at all. At this rate, I’m lucky to actually still be alive, but I’m getting weaker and I have less energy and I’m more tired all the time.

.....I'm falling apart.
I starve myself. I hurt myself.
I've come really close to ending myself.
And nobody knows.
Everyone thinks I'm just the goofy smol one.
But I'm a mess
and if I show people that, I can't make them all happy
So nobody needs to know
and if the facade breaks?
Who cares.
I don't care
I can't go a day without wishing for death.
I hate myself.
I hate everything about me.
Nobody would even care if I died.
It would probably just be a minor inconvenience to everyone.

my anxiety has been acting up and ive basically ripped off all my fingernails bcus of it. i have genuinely thought about offing myself but the only thing keeping me here is my twin and like 2 of my closest friends who i havent told that im struggling yet. ive also been way too confused about my sexuality/pronouns and dont know how to bring it up. music and haikyuu have kept me going tho :)

I have this problem with ripping out my hair, and now it’s all thin in the front. It’s not that bad, but I used to have beautiful thick hair and now I have to comb it over to hide the thin patch in front. Like, I’m only a teenager, I shouldn’t have to comb it over! Also I’m a demigirl (I think) but no one will believe me they’ll say I’m cis and that makes me not believe me either. Someone help :P

I don't usually go on rants often but this might help my stress too. ( I already made a advice post for this but it's still bothering me a lot.)
So, me and this girl, I'm just gunna call her E. So E and I used to be really close friends and we talked a lot to each other. She was kinda one of my best friends. At the beginning of the school year tho, we stopped talking because I realised how toxic and manipulative and controlling she was of me. She admitted to doing a lot of stuff. Such as manipulating me to get out of relationships just because she didn't like the person I was with, or spreading rumours about me so that she could comfort me and win my trust when she'd betrayed it or had upset me and a lot of other really mean stuff behind my back that I didn't find out about until recently. I've been avoiding her for months now, just trying to live my life peacefully. Back in december, she tried to insert herself back into my life. She inserted herself into one of my " relationships" again. E has done this constantly with every person I've been with if it wasn't someone she picked out personally for me. She would insert herself into it and then find some way to break us apart. Last week she comes up to me in class and attempted to "reconnect with me" She asked me a few personal questions that caught me off guard that I kinda just gave half-a**ed answers to. The question that stuck tho was she asked if I was dating anyone or talking to anyone. In a burst of confidence, I told her that it was none of her buisness and that it was nothing she needed to know. She found out I was dating someone and now she's started spreading these nasty horrible rumours about me and I really don't know what to do.

i'm a little worried for this weekend. we're going to nashville friday afternoon and my uncle and cousins are gonna come up and visit since they live a few hours away. but it's the same uncle that i mentioned on my homophobic/transphobic family post who thinks being nb is a trend. that was before i realized i was but it was still not okay for him to say that. and i'm just really worried cause my dysphoria is getting so much worse and i dont think i can handle more transphobic comments from him. i'm not even out to any of my family yet.

No I can’t

What has DP done? Have friends online with the "wrong" views on life?

Jeffrey Marsh and Dylan Mulvaney really grind my gears, also transgender women competing in women’s sports. Yes, I said it……sorry not sorry.