Hey Pandas, Which Things Do You Think Today's Parents Must Know? (Closed)

Hello bp parents, speaking from a teenager’s perspective here. I find that parents should never ever compare their child to another one. This happened with my folks a few years back and long story short, contributed to my terrible mental state (I’m doing a lil better now). I also think that parents shouldn’t get on teenagers for having “an attitude” it’s only because we are getting older and thinking that we are maturing enough to voice our own opinions! We aren’t having an attitude! We 👏 are👏 just👏 voicing👏 our 👏 own👏 opinions👏
Get it together!

Please whatever you do, DO NOT COMMENT ON YOUR CHILD'S BODY! It causes body dysmorphia, facial dysmorphia, and eating disorders in some cases. It is never okay to say to a kid "You should eat less, I mean look at you" It's very harmful to their mental state.

Show them that you can be bothered. Seriously, make time for your kids and make it their time, not 'their time in between you flicking through your damned phone'. Oh and when they're little read to them, show them that you love books, make books a thing and it WILL pay off in later life, trust me on this.

You should know that gender and sex are separate concepts. Just because your child has a penis and testicles (sex) that does not mean they are a boy (gender).

It's ok to cry in front of your kids.
Mind you, this is a personal experience and may not apply to everyone.
I grew up unconsciously thinking that my mom couldn't feel pain. She would never cry, and I thought I couldn't open up to her because it would show weakness. At a very low point in my life, she finally cried in front of me. She opened up to me and we both cried about what was happening together. That was the closest I ever felt to my mom.

I read this post this morning and everything that was said made sense, was good advice. That was 14 hours ago and in that time, nineteen babies were wiped from this planet. NINETEEN little ones who left for school this morning but now, will never be dismissed for home again. Nineteen tiny souls who never stood a chance and it's partly, if not all, down to the fact that at least half of the most powerful men and women in our federal government will not vote on universal background checks that would supposedly prevent massacres like today's. It's been two years since this bill was introduced, but guess what? Its sitting in limbo and what good it might have done is now nothing but a pipe dream. This bill might have done some good but even if it was enacted tomorrow, it would be too little, too late. That f*****g boat has set sail, been torched and is now sinking. It's too late for "safeguards" that were supposed to stop these nightmares. There are no safeguards that will have any effect on the weaponry available to obviously anyone with a pulse. At this point, the only reasonable solution is to take away all of it, like they have done in other countries. Keep your hunting rifles, that is fine, but there needs to be a system in place that ensures a more thorough licensing process in order to own and use that rifle. Don't want to give up your God damned assault rifle collection? Too. F*****g. Bad. Want to scream about your civil liberties? Go the f**k ahead. Tonight, there are nineteen babies who will never have the chance to enjoy ANY civil liberties afforded to us as citizens of this country. I'm ashamed of this country, especially in light of the last dozen years. We are not what was meant to be. So, go ahead and raise hell in defiance of gun control laws, but know this - your children and loved ones are not ANY safer because you own an assault rifle. If this were the case, where are you and your stash of semiautomatics when innocents around this country are being wiped off the face of this planet? How have you and your arsenal not prevented these horrors? The seemingly number one argument for the right to bear arms is the need to protect your families, but if this is the case, why the bloody hell are nineteen babies dead tonight? Where were you when you and your AK47 could have been defending the lives of innocents? Not in the line of fire because obviously your reasonings are complete bullshiit. So, that being said, the question of what today's parents need to know is this: know that your families have turned into mere cannon fodder and tomorrow's gun casualties. Know that there is no bastion for safety in this country. Know that we need to get our heads out of our asses and set about making this nightmare something we stand a chance of waking up from. I know this is not the response Natalia was looking for but it's the only submission that would work for this rant and I really needed to rant. Thank you for the space to do this, Natalia.

Your kids are people. Speak to them no worse than you would speak to a coworker. Give them at least that much courtesy. I used to say this to my now ex. The least you can do is give me the courtesy you'd give to a coworker. Meaning no insults, no yelling, and no draconian punishments. Kids generally are just learning and making honest mistakes. The more you clamp down the more they will rebel and fight you. Lead by example. Parent or partner with kindness, respect, and love, and that is what your kids will learn.

Make sure the kiddos know you love them! It doesn’t matter if you’re not like the other parents around you, either… give them your best and your love. Even if after a while they may not seem to need or want it, they do. As long as they know you are trying, you are doing the best you can do and no one has a right to say otherwise.

Do all the things when they are young. They will grow up on you and need their space, give it to them, but be accessible. Simply asking how the day went consistently opens a door to discussion if they have something serious to discuss. Admitting when you're wrong is just as important as helping them take the right path. Teach them life skills that you wish were taught in schools, including how to keep a budget, file a tax return, cook, clean, and do laundry. Never forget you're preparing them for life without you and never let them forget you're on their side the whole time, no matter what!

Don't just assume your kids want to do something. Like, I mean, I guess it's okay if they're little, and you want them to open up to new experiences. But when they're 15 years old, they might not want to go with their younger siblings to a musical kiddie flick. Ask them before you buy the tickets. My parents, love them dearly, ALWAYS forgot this.

Also, not everyone likes spontaneity. Even if you know your kid will like it, tell them in advance if you want to go somewhere. Give them time to prepare, or check their schedule.

I am hugely appreciative of the way I was raised: my parents treated me more like they were my senior co-worker rather than my boss. Instead of giving orders and responding with either rewards or punishment, they gave guidance, recommendations and examples, and would respond with either praise or disappointment.

It made a huge impact on me, and allowed me to feel free and respected, while also feeling respect towards them as well. I had no rebellious or even annoyed/aloof stage. I always appreciated their presence, at whatever distance.

Accept them for who they are. Get them a binder, get them a packer (if they're of age), get them the proper love they deserve. If your child isn't who you want them to be, too bad. You can't change what someone knows themselves to be.

Kids are a lot smarter than you give them credit for.

Teach your kids to name their feelings. When they’re little you guide them - “are you feeling frustrated because you wanted to spend more time at Target today?” - and talk about why they feel that way and what they can do to feel better. If they can name it and claim it, they can tame it. Getting kids into the habit of that type of self-awareness, self-regulation, and openness is valuable.

Former teacher here...your kids are not stupid. They hear and take in everything, including *how* you say it to them. Don't assume you have to "dumb down" things for them. In fact, they will astound you with what they can do if you let them! From art to math to music and more, I've seen kids do really cool stuff over the years when they weren't stifled by low expectations.

don't hit your kids. i had enough for everybody.

Two parter:
You do the best with the information you have. Don't beat yourself up for something you didn't know, especially something you couldn't have known.
Try and learn as much as you can; about different ways of doing things, different cultural parenting practices, ect, when you can. And talk to your kids about it, openly and honestly. Let them have their opinions. They're just other humans doing other human things, too. And they're learning how to be a better human every day, support that, encourage it.

Don't forget to take care of yourself. And in ways that your kids can see or know about (a bath or a treat of whatever kind, a day off, ect). It helps them to see that people need grace periods and to take care of themselves. But also give your kids the chance to do the same.

Don't use your kids as a pension plan.

You can not spoil them with love. Please, don't think picking them up or snuggling them or speaking to them gently or listening to their perspective is "spoiling" them. I have friends who were very cold to their children because they didn't want them to be "spoiled" but now the children are angry and cruel to others.

Love is like riding a bicycle. If kids don't learn it early, it will be much harder for them to learn later on.

I strongly agree with a lot of these responses. They are mainly common sense and highly reasonable contributions. The one about gender and sex though. I mean, it threw me for a loop momentarily because I immediately started trying to figure what age was the most appropriate to entertain such kinds of discussions with your child. Help...