Hey Pandas, When's The Moment You Realized Your Ex Was Awful? (Closed)

When he accused me of cheating on him from the following "evidence"..
- there was a hair clip in the back of my car
- he could not track me on "find my friends" and therefore I had turned it off. (This was during the hour it took me to drive home from work!!).
This was the catalyst after 5 years of emotional abuse, which I did not realise was happening until after it was over.
I have since moved on with a lovely man who treats me with nothing but respect and love.

You want not-so-wholesome? When I got the highest grade in a college English course on an essay, and my then-bf looked at me with absolute hate, and stomped out of the class with his D paper in his fist. Worse, I apologized for hurting his feelings. (Don't worry, I got better!)

When I found out he had sexually assaulted several younger girls on church trips!

Background - years ago I was in an abusive relationship that left me with broken and missing teeth. I was deeply ashamed of my teeth and never smiled in public. I would even cover my mouth with my hand when I was talking to people.

Seeing as I am an American, it took me over a decade to be able to get the broken teeth out and dentures in.

Once I did though, oh my word, I felt amazing. Confident, worthy, beautiful even. I smiled at strangers on my way home to show my BF.

So, I get home and I see him, my "best friend" and I gave him my biggest smile of all hoping for a small kind word at the least, maybe even a hug. Instead, he sneered at me and said "I liked you better without them".

I was crushed. At that moment I realized that he would never allow me to be happy as long as I was with him. There was so much more but that was the moment when his mask got ripped off and I could never unsee the selfish monster that was inside him.

My ex, C, was controlling and terribly jealous. There were a lot of incidents but I didn't realize how bad it actually was until I went to university in a city 150 km from where he lived. He would call in the middle of the night to see if I was home and alone, he'd go through my stuff for signs of other men, he'd bombard me with things like gingerbread hearts saying 'you're mine', pictures of him, etc, and demand that I put them up on my walls so everyone would know I had a boyfriend. In his bedroom he had an altar-like corner that made me cringe: Hundreds of photos of me. One day I told him there was a party for a fellow student's birthday in another city. I wanted to stay the night and had also agreed to take another (male) student there who didn't have a car. C lost it and said he wouldn't let me go together with this guy. I didn't change my plans and took the other student to the party. When I went to see C the day after the party, he had removed all my photos from the walls. They were torn up and scattered all over the room. He said no matter what I‘d tell him he was sure I had cheated on him (I never did!), and that I had to work really hard to gain back his trust. I just couldn't take it anymore and broke up.

She was straight, pretending to be lesbian and was in a relationship with me because she thought it was “quirky to be gay”

Looking back, I'm fairly sure that I was the awful one. On reflection, all my exes seem like genuinely nice people bar one.

That one had a secret cocaine habit and an unpredictable temperament. She moved in with me and one day she simply decided to go upstairs and live in the attic. No explanation. She never paid a penny towards the bills either.

She was also drop-dead movie star gorgeous though, but following our split, I have become more of a 'personality' guy.

Looks aren't everything.

(Even though I am fairly sure that my wife is the most beautiful person in the world)

This was years ago before the everyone had mobile phones or used email. He sent me a letter listing all the reasons I was to blame for why he wanted to break things off. Conveniently forgot to mention that he was cheating on me with another woman. When one of his friends let slip about his new girlfriend and I confronted him he then said that he'd only kept our relationship going until he found someone else because he "didn't want to be alone."

When he harassed my family and I after I told him I just wanted to be friends, told me he wanted to marry me after he confessed to cheating on me, and sent threatening emails after breaking up with him. Bullet Dodged!

It was the moment he physically assaulted me, while I was holding our infant daughter. The marriage had been deteriorating for almost a year, but in that moment, all I could think was that I had to leave.

I've got some doozies but I'll go with two: the night after our baby died, he told me my crying was disturbing him and he had an important meeting the next morning. For some reason, we went on to have more children, and he once told me taking care of the house was more important than taking care of the children because "broken furniture can't be fixed but broken bones will heal".

When we went to relationship counselling. First appointment, refused to attend and I could hear myself defending their behaviour to the counsellor, second visit attended but was combative and obviously didn't want to be there, third visit refused to attend any further. I went and realised that anyone who didn't even want to engage and all the stuff that I'd said defending them to the counsellor showed how toxic it was for me. It limped on for a while after that but that was when I knew..

his exact words were "your dads bot abusive, you are disrespectful. stop talking to me about your problems. it is disrespectful to complain to me about your dad" he is dumped . . . very dumped.

Bit of a long one (about 11 years), so I wont bore you with it all.

My soon to be Ex wife

Turns out she had been gas lighting (tell/convincing me that my brother and Mother didn't give a s**t about me), verbal abuse and all the other abuses that come with that.

Last straw was her buggering of on holiday for 3 weeks on my 40th birthday (actual day of). The friends I had left, managed to get through to me that that was just not on. It made me question a lot of things.

About a year into the divorce now and I'm still trying to connect the dots from all the lies I'd been told.

When his new dog ate the cat's head. He had the cat for years but all he cared about was the dog. When I asked him about he did not care.Broke up with him that day.

First off, my ex wasn't all that awful, but I realized that our relationship is not doing great when I shared a career dream, and she went on to criticize it instead of supporting it.

When she dumped me at a party and snogged someone else right there

The relationship was a disaster from the beginning, but I didn't realize that at the time. I worked with him and we always flirted and it was fun. We married within 6 months of being together. It was his 4th marriage and my first. After the wedding, it turned AWFUL. We worked at the same place, commuted together, we were together all the time. I found out about a week after the wedding that he chewed snuff. I honestly never knew that - he kept it very well hidden until we were married. He was a very heavy drinker and kept that hidden as well. After the wedding, I would find evidence hidden all over the house, garage, shed. After finding all this out, he decided he didn't need to hide it anymore. How gross to find chew spit in beer cans on the kitchen table in the morning... finding out all the money he spent on alcohol. I stayed in that marriage for WAY longer than I should have. I finally decided I'd had enough and told him I wanted a divorce. It got way worse after that, but that is a story for another time
I actually realized I'd made a huge mistake when I found out he hid that he chewed snuff.

When she cheated and wouldn't admit it. Every time I tried to talk to her about it, she claimed she was single and that we never actually dated. I eventually got angry and started to avoid her and her new boyfriend.
She's back now, and keeps on trying to be around me.

I had orders to report to my new station which was in a state I had never been before and knew absolutely nobody. My ex was the first person I met and established a friendship with and that's really the only reason why I let it go on for so long. It first started with calls during work screaming about whatever was upsetting her, which was usually (and I'm not just saying it like this for effect) about absolutely f*****g nothing. I was military police, I would be on scene dealing with a domestic and she would call non stop til I answered. One time she was so distraught by me not answering so she messaged me saying she took 10 ibuprofen and was trying to cross to the other side. Now we all know that statement doesn't get taken lightly. I was informed if someone were to try to o.d. on acetaminophen it would take somewhere around two weeks for it too give the results one was expecting (any medical professionals please correct if the timeliness is off, or if this fact is not valid ). Anyways I'll keep going, her background story was mother was murdered by father in Puerto Rico and father was waiting for firing squad, (parents lived in Kentucky happy as h*** I learned later) also learned her last name was fake. Do not get me started on the amount of lies if found I out also, the icing on the cake was when she admitted to my FU***** FACE THAT SHE LIED ABOUT HER AGE! I dropped her off at a friend's right then a there, got a huge a** trash bag and shoved all her junk in it and threw that too the curb. Three months later I met my wife, I've been with her for 9 nine years and oh thank heavens!!! I love this woman.