Hey Pandas, What's Your Silliest Family Story? (Closed)

My sister. Never wanted to sleep as a baby/toddler. Mom would rock her for hours on end and then lower her into the crib sloowly sloowly, only for her to jump awake and continue crying, as if she was lowered into a deep fryer. This went on for years. As a toddler, mum would go to put her to sleep and dad would put on some movie to watch. Just like clockwork, she'd be out of the room in no time saying "daddy daddy, mommy's asleep, could you cook us some popcorn?" (She thought it was "cook" because we used to make it in a pot on the stove, old school style)

My youngest son broke his thumb while playing baseball. Going at the beach was already planned so we went to a specialized place to get a cover for his cast (up to his elbow). The lady shows us some options, we check one out, then she adds "this one is great in a shower too" "that's fine, he doesn't take showers" "BUT I do take baths!" The lady laughed "don't let me think you don't wash at all, yes?". I apologized but it was funny.

Same son but younger. "Mom, how come you're so weird and funny at the same time?" "Didn't you meet my mother? She's worse than me" "You have a mother???? How come we don't know about her?" "My mother is Granmama G." "What?" That was before he fully understood the family tree. Next time we saw her, he asked her directly, just to be sure.

To prevent future arguments, my children had their own seat in the car - meaning always the same side or the middle - One time, we get in the car and the children are teenagers and my daughter has a BF that's coming with us. Mind you, we've been doing this seating thing for the last 8-9 years so it was like breathing. The BF goes on the driver's side in the back, opens the door and let my daughter pass (to go in the middle, the other one was already seated on his side). She refuses. He says he wants to sit by the window, she explains that's her place. He starts saying that's stupid, etc. I just got out of the house with my husband and ask what's the problem; they explain so I say "CJ if you really want to eat in the next hour you'd better get in the middle or we're not going anywhere" Grumbling ensued, still saying it was stupid. They had other problems, they didn't last long.

I have a few stories that stand out, but I'll only tell 2, you people probably have lives to get to.

Looking back it's funny, but then it was most certainly not funny at all. My Grandma, Aunt, sister and I were at the park and we had to eat lunch before we could go play. My sister had already finished eating and was playing on the awesome jungle gym. Well I hated the grape juice that had been packed for me. I kept saying that I wouldn't drink the juice, and my Grandma kept saying that she would pour it on my head. I thought she was just making empty threats. She was not. The day ended with my hair sticky and me not getting to play. I still haven't drank juice, I'm a stubborn girl.

My next story also displays my stubborness. I used to be really why about singing, but one day my Grandma made homemade caramel 😋. But, she wanted me to sing to get some, I don't know why. She wanted me to sing that Hanging Tree song. I didn't sing, not a peep, thus I didn't get and caramel while the rest of the family feasted. It had been maybe 6 years. Six years since Grandma made caramel and 6 years since I refuse to sing that song and hush my sister whenever she teasingly sings it.

In case you can't tell, I'm slightly bitter about it. 😒

Anything I did my mother had to put down. (Think Emily Gilmore.) When my then fiancé and I put in an offer on our first home I was buzzing with excitement, telling my parents about it at dinner. I wanted to draw the floor plan to show them and grabbed the only scrap paper around - an envelope - and started drawing. "Oh, well!" says my mother, "It's such a small house!"

I remember the one time when on my Uncle's wedding, there was this little ceremony that they had to do at his house and when everybody reached there, the keys weren't to be found ANYWHERE. They looked up and down and all around but the keys weren't found! (rhyme intended) So finally they broke off the tradition and returned to my Grandparents' house. Four days later, after a duplicate set of keys was made, the keys were discovered in me Uncle's wedding suit.

This one is both sad and funny. My mother was a very bossy but also very humane person. She had end stage cancer and requested euthanasia to ensure her suffering would end soon. Of course we fully supported her, but she did not want us there, so we begged her to let us at least be there until the last moment. She relented. During her time in the cancer ward, she typically befriended many of the staff and volunteers. So, fast forward to the early hours of the day she planned: I am with her as she draws her last breath, a full four hours before the planned time. As the rest of my family arrived, one of us mentioned that on typical fashion, she had things go exactly as she wanted, and when we started to laugh, someone else chimed in that it was good she did not have to smell the dreadful garlic breath of my sibling (she hated that and would get very vocal). Of course, this made us laugh harder. Suddenly, one of the orderlies comes in, sees us all in a fit of laughter beside my mother. A look of horror and disbelief as she takes in the scene, then tears. We all gathered around to console her and thank her for making my mother's end of life as comfortable as possible. It always makes me both sad and smile that my mother could still touch people even in her last days and hours. How I miss her.

My husbands parent was against giving their children toy guns to play with and everybody knew this.
But an uncle gave him a toy riffle on his 7th birthday. His parent wasn't happy but the uncle thought their anger was funny and started to pretend that he was a crocodile and started hunting this 7 year old. I guess because he (the kid/my husband) never had a toy riffle before he didn't try to shoot the "crocodile" but wacked him over the head with the riffle so it broke....
A good example of instant karma.

Another "fun" story from his family is about his little sister. They always suspected her vision was impaired because her pupils are deformed. At about 2-3 years old she started petting and saying "kitty", eeeh, but it wasn't a kitty she was petting. It was a fur hat. They checked her eyesight pretty soon after that.

I went swimming with my family and I noticed my sister’s hands were dry.

“Sis, your hands are dry.”

“No they’re not”

“Yes they are, look!”

“We’re underwater!”

“Not that kind of dry!”

“Then what?!?”

“Your hands need more moisture.”

“But they’re wet!”

“I MEAN LOTION!”

“But my hands are under water.”

And so on. We all probably feel dumb.

Also my swim teacher’s dog once coached my sister and I instead of the teacher

When my daughter was 13 she asked what was for lunch, I told her "invisible rolls". She went hunting for a good half hour for these rolls. Another time she asked what to clean the bath with with, I said "elbow grease" and yep, you guessed it, she spent half an hour under the sink looking for Elbow grease.

I was a teen in the 80's and your clothes mattered. I didn't have any friends but I did everything I could not to look any more poor than I was.
My grandmother bought me a pair of rust coloured corduroy pants from the thrift store. About a week after me, her, my mom and my cat are sitting in the living room and grandma asks, "did you try on those pants?"
Yes
My cat Henry says "lier"
We all look at the cat and of course I say, "I did so." To which my grandma asks me again, "did you try on the pants?"
Yes I did!
Henry once again, "lier"
I Did!
My grandmother "Go try on those pants Now and come out here and let me see."
(I had in fact not tried those ugly pants on and have no idea why he ousted me)

We visited my grandma, who, as usually, packed up us with all things good she could muster. Cookies, homegrown vegetables, dried mushrooms, homemade jam, etc.

At home, we left everything on the kitchen counter, "we can pack them away after showering and having dinner", as we were very tired. When my father came out of the shower, his feet were smelling so badly, that we have sent him back immediately. He was quite upset and hurt as he used to be a very clean and hygienic person in his whole life, but went back to wash his feet.

Then he came again, and the smell was even worse, so we told him to wash his feet again, but specifically with soap this time (yes, we were being sarcastic). He was very upset by this time, but went to wash his feet again, while we kept on complaining how the smell still lingers.

Dad comes back, his feet washed 3 times by now, he used soap, foot spray, whatever... and we STILL FEEL the smell. We wanted to send him again, but this time he stood his ground and said no. (Actually, it was something like that "stop f*****g with me, will ya?!") and began to look for the source of the stench himself.

There it was. On the kitchen counter, sitting in an open paper bag, there were the dried mushrooms we got from my grandma.

Ever since then, we can't eat mushroom soup without remembering that incident. My dad died half a year ago, I miss him so much, but just the other day, this story surfaced again and my mother and I had a good laugh about it, again.