Hey Pandas, What’s Your Best One Liner?

Welcome back to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces, and let me just say I am very disappointed in all of you.

I, for one, like Roman numerals.

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, ‘Is this stool taken?’

I don't respect you enough to care about your opinion of me.

i got arrested for downloading the whole wikipedia, i told them i could explain everything

I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.
I M LIVID

If your brains were tnt, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

My friend said the onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.🧅🥥🧅🥥🧅🥥🧅🥥🧅🥥🧅🥥

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what she laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

I always loved one from the TV Series Castle. "This guy's dropped more pills than a three-fingered pharmacist."

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

Everything is better in moderation, even moderation.

The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese

A theatrical performance about puns is a play on words

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again." (Tim Vine)

If brains were elastic, you would not have enough to make garters for a sparrow.

A lady I work with kept complaining about how she always had a bad day when everyone else was having a good day. She said she was stuck in Murphy's law.
I asked her if she knew what Cole's law was. She didn't. My response, "it's lightly sauced cabbage."
Everyone started screaming.