Learning is a lifelong process. Every day we absorb, sift, and catalog new information. Unfortunately, not everything we learn is healthy, correct, or optimal. When we're presented with new information that challenges prior knowledge, we have the opportunity to reevaluate our understanding.
Unlearning can take time. Sometimes it's as easy as breaking a benign habit. Other times we may need moral support. And, generally speaking, we can benefit from professional help of some kind.
Fortunately, unlearning is a rollercoaster we all get to experience. No one is immune. So, whether it's driving at 2 and 10, microaggressions, or changing the cycle of abuse, we want to hear about your unlearning process.
#1
All of the horrible things my father used to say to me all the time when I was a child until I was around 22 years old. He told me that I was worthless, a waste of time, stupid, ugly, wouldn't amount to anything or anyone. He told me that I was a mistake and a bad daughter. He said that no one would ever love me. For the longest time, I believed him. I am still working on unlearning all of the abuse he and my mother did but it's tough. When you are told something constantly by the very people who are supposed to protect you, it's really hard to change that way of thinking. I just take it a day at a time.
50points
#2
No need to be available or "on call" 24/7. Don't have to rush shopping to get home, can go outside and stay there. Don't have to answer the phone when I'm away from the house. The guilty feeling when I'm at a neighbour's house having a cuppa. I need to get used to that and unlearn the availability.
30points
#3
self loathing... still working on it
28points
#4
That waking up later than 8 is ok, and doesn't make you less of an adult. I'm a musician and music teacher, I'm home and eating dinner around 9:30-10, sometimes 11. Why in the world would i wake up at 6 the next day
24points
#5
I'm trying to learn to not think about myself in a negative way. It's a work in progress.
23points
#6
Procrastinating.
I'm doing it even by writing this post. 😬
I'm doing it even by writing this post. 😬
23points
#7
Apologizing for things that I am neither responsible or sorry for. That automatic "I'm sorry...." I know y'all know what I'm talking about LOL
23points
#8
That when someone does something that upsets me or hurts me, i don't have to just say "it's fine", or "no worries" with a smile and pretend it's not a big deal. My parents (dad especially) would get mad at me for being "defensive" if anything they said or did made me upset and I said something or wasn't happy about it. It's taking a while to unlearn that one....
20points
#9
Using my wheelchair is not “givingup”
19points
#10
Unhealthy eating habits.
16points
#11
My mom started her "You shouldn't eat that much", "People will always judge you by your weight/image", "You're gaining weight, do something for your body" thing when I was about 8-10yo. When I was 14 I weighted 99 pounds at 5'4" and exercised 6 days a week, my bones showed through my skin, and still she was there telling me "if you keep gaining weight, you'll never get a job when you need one". I learnt my weight defines my worth at a very young age.
Ironically, when I started college at 18 yo, she banned me from sports cuz according to her, I had to study at least 8 hours a day. I never studied those hours but didn't dare to start a sport, despite being in another city, so I put up a lot of weight. Needless to say I've cried countless times about it and, since I haven't been able to drop it despite intense dieting and intense excercise, I still to this day do. I'm unlearning hatred towards myself and my body now. It's a tough ride.
Ironically, when I started college at 18 yo, she banned me from sports cuz according to her, I had to study at least 8 hours a day. I never studied those hours but didn't dare to start a sport, despite being in another city, so I put up a lot of weight. Needless to say I've cried countless times about it and, since I haven't been able to drop it despite intense dieting and intense excercise, I still to this day do. I'm unlearning hatred towards myself and my body now. It's a tough ride.
15points
#12
Asking. Ever since I can remember, my family taught me to not going everybody on the nerves.
14points
#13
I don’t believe in sin. Trying to unlearn 40+ years of biblical Christianity.
13points
#14
Anxiety generated by work. No, I'm not irreplaceable so I can stay home when I'm sick. No, I won't be executed if I make a mistake. No, my bosses have no right of life and death over me. No, if I don't answer a call or email after hours, I won't automatically find myself unemployed the next day, etc...
12points
#15
Holding my fingers automatically over WASD keys even on games that don't use them.
11points
#16
If someone in the classroom is blocking the path, rather than asking them to move for a sec I will walk all the way around the room instead. I hate that I do this but I just can’t not.
10points
#17
Accepting help is a good thing.
My mom was the oldest child, so I grew up with the "take care of everyone else" mentality. And I very often spend my day helping everyone else. Yet when a very good mutual friend reassured me that relying on my fiance for help is a good, natural thing, I cried and had a panic attack.
You gotta remind yourself that, as your own friend, people can be there for you.
My mom was the oldest child, so I grew up with the "take care of everyone else" mentality. And I very often spend my day helping everyone else. Yet when a very good mutual friend reassured me that relying on my fiance for help is a good, natural thing, I cried and had a panic attack.
You gotta remind yourself that, as your own friend, people can be there for you.
10points
#18
Self-hatred.
9points
#19
People pleasing. For the love of god I just cannot seem to stop.
9points
#20
To try and not be loud, still working on it
8points