Hey Pandas, What's The Hardest Realization You Had To Come To? (Closed)

That my toxic, abusive parents will not change their attitude towards me just because I desperately want them to.

I spent many years doing my absolute best to please them, to achieve things with no help or support from them, praying to hear a word of appreciation. They never bothered. Instead, they'd always find reasons to criticize and belittle me for trifles, even long after I became an adult.

It's sad that I got a lot of praise and appreciation from strangers, but not a word from my own parents. Like I don't matter or don't exist. Now they are "offended" that I refuse to visit or keep in touch with them (I wonder why :))).

That the cancer I've got is probably gonna kill me in the next 12 months..... And I don't really care. Die alone now, die alone in 10 or 20 years...Not much is gonna change in my life....

That nobody liked me, including me. I've spent a lifetime changing that fact, chasing my ideal self. Having people who actually care about you, is more important than wealth, fame or power. I'm lucky to now have a handful of people who love me for being me.

That I'm getting old and unattractive, my body is getting decrepit, and that I most likely will never find a good man to love me who I love as well, and who measures up to my fairly high standards (no, it isn't all about looks). It's even worse for me now because I'm barely 57 yrs old, but my body feels more like it's 70. I've wasted my life in anger and regret. Although to be fair, there was a basis for some of my feelings. But I didn't have to let those feelings drag me down. I should have only looked ahead instead of always looking behind to see who was to blame for my poor self esteem and failures, and how it could have all been different if "such an such" hadn't happened, or if "this and that" had been different.

That I am the only one who can and should be responsible for my happiness, my mental and physical health, my coping with life and people. No one can "make" me do or feel anything - it's all my choice. And also, that that's true of everyone else too.

I depended more on my husband than I thought. I don't mean taking care of me but things like doing jobs around the house, a listener, a hug. Now, my cat has to listen and give me hugs :)

I learned something about myself this year and that is that I am Asexual, I am different from 97% of people and I really think that if I had realized this when I was young I wouldn't have had two failed marriages. I don't know if it's because of childhood sexual abuse or just a trait because I have another sister who also told me she thinks that she is too after I told her about myself. My life's decisions would have led me on a different road and I could have just traveled to different countries working in different restaurants because I wanted to soak up knowledge of different cuisines. I think I have cancer now and will not fight it I have been very ill for so many years that now I just want to rest and go to sleep peacefully and and be pain free, I may change my mind but for now it is going to be DNR.
My advice is to travel and have fun in your youth because if you wait for retirement you might not be in good health so that you can walk and explore things and think of it like this, no matter what kind of job you have they have those kinds of jobs in Belgium, France, Spain, and Italy too just save enough to get you there and work to live don't live to work life is to short so have fun now.

That people will believe a beautiful lie over the ugly truth. Even if there is evidence supporting the truth.

I can't save those who refuse to be saved. All the research, data, work, discussion, treatment means zero if they refuse to even hear us (the medical profession). Or if they take the headline version of a study and don't understand what the study results really *say*, in context, etc. And... yeah, all that.

that my old best friend doesn't care about me. she doesn't give a s h i t about my feelings and how much she messed me up. some people just get everything they want all the time who don't deserve it.

That everything will always change. One person will love one BIG forever because they said nothing would or could ever change that not even that person. It's not true even love changes. Treat your partner well and one should have no worries. Especially if your the only one that they see and they truly do love you and you love them don't hurt them don't lie to them because many years later if they don't leave you the love from them WILL CHANGE!

Knowing our childhood was not normal.

Setting healthy boundaries with my family because of the childhood.

That people can turn on a dime. My husband of 44 years just died & his whole family, mother & 3 brothers have turned their backs on me. It is either for a perceived slight on the day he died or a future money issue, such as cutting me out of the mother's will. I have no family & my husband always said, "you'll have mine". Guess I don't.

that just because they're your parents, it doesn't mean they love or care about you.

That no matter what, I will always be older than someone.

That my dating/boyfriend days are over . . .

People are so easily corrupted. Covid taught me that. How fast we go from disagreement to anger to actual hate. People who loved you can just up and choose not to. Friends will walk away. You will be left behind. That's why it's important to learn grace and to never give up on the people you love.

That I am not suited for close relationships and best to just do the FWB thing or be aroace. It's really too much hassle to deal with people's irrationality and selfishness. People seem to think that once you're "with" them that you must (a) spend all your time with them and (b) that you must never disagree with them and (c) you must do only what they want to do and (d) you must not spend time with anyone else and (e) you must stop your hobbies apart from their hobbies. I guess maybe I only am attracted to narcissists. So sick of it.

That I was in a toxic friendship and a toxic school (around the ages of 9-10)

That nobody likes me and I'm doomed to spend life alone. It's a fact that I will just have to c