Hey Pandas, What's The Dumbest Way You've Gotten Injured?

running on a treadmill at 3 AM.... I do not recommend

Well I do not actually know if this counts as stupid but when I was like 6 I picked my enemy to go to the bathroom with me and she shut the door on my finger. Cried all the way to the hospital.

Broke my index finger plunging a toilet.

When I was really young me and my friends were camping. We burned sticks for the fun of it, and my tiny brain just went. "Hm. How would it feel if I touch the burnt stick?" Spoiler alert: I got burned.

I fell off of a chair and busted my chin. oof.

I broke 2 ribs, (Displacement fracture), trying to not step on a cat.
It was winter, dark and the silly cat was laying on the sidewalk between my garage and the house. We have a lot of stray cats around this area.
Heard the cat yell, I am just 6'1" and 220 so I jumped back, because stepping on a cat would not be the best for it. I landed on an ice patch, went down face first and cracked them on the curb. Ouch.
It took me almost 10 weeks to be able to return to work, cost several thousand in co pays, and a truly silly amount of pain. For a stray...

Chasing a wildflower. Word of note, they are not difficult to chase down. Fell off a 6’ embankment, bounced off a bunch of boulders and landdd in a huge berry patch.
Had to be cut out of the patch, while the first responders were carrying my fat ass back up the embankment, they tripped over the same thing I did, nearly dropping me.
The fall destroyed my tibial plateau, had to have surgery, surgery unsuccessful, had to have a knee replacement, allergic reaction to the prosthetic or cement destroyed 2/3rds of my patella, had a revision, that surgeon called a severe case of anemia by not following procedure, put in a PICC line to treat an infection I never had and left a drill bit in my tibia….getting another surgeon to clean up this mess has been challenging to say the least.
NOTE: last two surgeons left the state. One was fired for being so bad, the second one quit to move “for family”. All records are under investigation by the State medical board.
***I asked the park to name the area Sue Falls in honor of me😜

I could name at least one per year for every year I have been alive. When I was 10, went to a friend's house with no adult supervision. My friend picked up a pitchfork and pretended to stab me in the foot. No pretense involved. The tine went into the eyelet of my tennis shoe, blood shot up in the air. A neighbor saw what happened and brought over kerosene, poured it over my foot telling me that will clean it out. I am still not sure what hurt worse, the stabbing or the so-called antiseptic. I still have the scar.

Another stupid injury happened in the shower of a ritzy hotel. It had 2 soapdishes, one for a bath, and the other higher for the shower. I dropped the soap, and as bent to pick it up, hit the upper soap dish, almost knocking myself out. Goose egg extraordinaire with a huge bruise accompniant.

When I was in high school my best friend came to our house to give me something. I was doing some exercise so I was a bit amped up and as I ran down the stairs to open the door for him I decided to jump the last step. It was a tiny step, a tiny jump, more of a hop... I felt a tiny pain but didn't pay attention. Soon it turned out I managed to tear some tendons in my ankle. But the funniest bit was that like Chinese whispers the fact that my friend was there turned into some weird gossip in class that eventually reached my favourite teacher as well. He pulled me aside and asked was it true that my friend pushed me down the stairs?! I mean he pulled me aside while I was talking and laughing with said friend. Would I do that if just yesterday he tried to kill me?

I had two memorable falls in my childhood. One when I was about nine and a very good little girl. Mom asked me to bring a very large crystal vase out of one room and as I was walking with it I tripped. I was worried that I'd brake Mom's beloved, expensive vase so I held it way up while getting myself bruised all over without softening the fall at all, and they found me just lying there with my arms still stretched up, holding the precious stuff...

The other time a few years later I was carrying tons of magazines down some concrete stairs and then the top one slipped off the stack and landed on the next step. I couldn't see squat so I stepped on it and slipped like in a cartoon, magazines flying all around me and my head and spine hitting the sharp edge of every single step going down. When I arrived at the bottom I was rather miserable and in a lot of pain. Mom showed up at the top and screamed "Jesus, did you break your leg again?!" (Unrelated injury from when I was really little.) And I'm like "No, that might be the only thing I did not break but my head might be split open..."

I was trying to slide under a chair( knee forward) and bang my face on the back rest thingy

I was about 11 and there was this tree in the neighborhood where we kids had put in a swing. Like a Tarzan swing. We would take turns taking a swing on it. Wouldn't you know, the rope decided to break while I was on it. The next thing I knew, I was looking up at the sky and the others were crowded around me. They said I was out for a couple of minutes. I was okay, but I never rode that swing again after they fixed it.

I was 14 and my friend had a moped. She would let me ride it sometimes. It was a lot of fun. I was riding on this empty lot and suddenly there was this huge hole. I couldn't avoid it. So I got knocked off the bike. I never rode it again. My friend's mother called it "That little putt putt thing."

Right before my Freshman year of high school started, I *successfully* licked my elbow and threw out my back doing so. I've had back problems ever since, and we didn't even catch it on video!

Got hit by a car when i was 13. Dont remember it but i kinda remember waking up in hospital, and sometimes i do feel guilty for surviving, when some dont

Picking up my backpack… dislocated ma thumb.

Broke my right arm (Humerus Bone) in three places playing dodgeball.
third 40 minute game in a row that day. Simply threw the ball, the muscles around the bone contracted and twisted while i was throwing the ball and caused a three part spiral fracture.

Still managed to hit the guy i was aiming at though, Ironically it wasn't very Humorous

I was 5, playing in the back yard and decided to move a 50 pound bar bell because it was in my way. Dropped it on my big toe, smashed it flat. Then,while my mom is on the phone trying to get us a ride to the hospital, I tried to stand up by leaning on the coffee table. Hand slipped & I sliced my ear open. Ear turned out to be worse than the toe! (Did lose the toenail when I was 29, though.)

Then, just last New Years Eve/Day, I woke up hungry and headed downstairs. It was 5 am, so the house was dark. I somehow missed the last step, went flying, hit my head on the corner of the wall, landed on my wrist, and managed to get my feet tangled up in the bar stools at the island. Huge goose egg on head, sore wrist and severely sprained my ankle. Almost a year later and I'm still having trouble with that foot. Oh, I'm 56 now, so I can't blame youth; I'm just graceful like that.

I have a garage door opener. On of the cables that goes around a pully was in a tangle behind a pull. The pull appread to be bent.
I figured I needed to replace the pully so I proceed to remove it.
Apparently the cable around the pully is under very high tension.
In the blink if an eye it snapped free missing my face by centimeters.
Unfortunately it took off about an inch (2.5cm) of my left index fingertip. My father took me to the ER, as I bled profusely.
At the ER my wife shows up 10 minutes later with the tip of my finger on ice.
Doctor looks at it and says there's not much they can do to reattach it and it'd just be a higher risk of infection than it'd be worth. So they toss my fingertip in the trash, patch me up and send me home.
TL;DR - Had the tip of my finger cut off by my garage.

Note: I am a bone breaker by nature and a full time klutzologist. So, here we go.

Broken leg - tripping over dog
Broken ankle - mini golf (now lovingly referred to a full contact putt putt)
Broken nose - Johnny Bench batter up meets wooden bat
Broken toes - curb
Top lip torn open by bottom teeth (the trip over my own little feet that started it all)