Keep it PG-friendly though!
#1
what the best type of joke dead baby jokes because they never get's old
10points
#2
"Knock knock?"
"who's there?"
"Not Grandma, she's dead."
I told that joke to my mom when she was bugging out before my grandmother's funeral. My mom has a pretty dark sense of humor so she laughed.
"who's there?"
"Not Grandma, she's dead."
I told that joke to my mom when she was bugging out before my grandmother's funeral. My mom has a pretty dark sense of humor so she laughed.
8points
#3
All of my jokes are so dark they get shot at
7points
#4
Could not say because they are horrific and would get me insta downvoted.
6points
#5
eggs in an incubator for us to dissect the embryos in biology, the incubator beeps, i say, "dinner's ready" (funny thing is we named our embryo dinner)
6points
#6
Ok, going out on a limb right now. You asked for “dark”.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She’s already been told twice.
5points
#7
A man wakes up from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and irritatedly tells him 'I can't depend on you for anything now, can I?'
5points
#8
Three married men die, and are sent to heaven
the angel at the gate says:
"Heaven is a big place, so your ride will be determined by your faithfulness to your wives."
He says to the first man:
"you cheated on your wife but you were always nice to her, so you get a beat-up ford f 150"
To the second man he says:
"you were faithful to your wife, but not nice to her, so you get an SUV"
And he says to the third man:
" you were always nice to your wife and never cheated so you get a Lamborghini"
Later, they all meet up.
The first two men realize that the third man is sad so they ask him:
"Why are you so sad"
he replies:
"My wife just went by on a scooter"
the angel at the gate says:
"Heaven is a big place, so your ride will be determined by your faithfulness to your wives."
He says to the first man:
"you cheated on your wife but you were always nice to her, so you get a beat-up ford f 150"
To the second man he says:
"you were faithful to your wife, but not nice to her, so you get an SUV"
And he says to the third man:
" you were always nice to your wife and never cheated so you get a Lamborghini"
Later, they all meet up.
The first two men realize that the third man is sad so they ask him:
"Why are you so sad"
he replies:
"My wife just went by on a scooter"
4points
#9
I remembered another: If you go skydiving and the chute doesn't open, it's okay. You still have the rest of your life to figure it out.
4points
#10
What's big, yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
4points
#11
I still feel bad about this one but it just sort of slipped out, okay?
so my friend is very short, and angry. like the stereotypical short person, yk, and had been bitten by a dog on her face 3 years ago, needing a lot of stitches. she still has a scar on her lip, though it’s pretty faded now. and so one day she was arguing with me, and it was sort of lighthearted, and she was threatening to beat me up (all jokes)
so then I said (again, very sorry) “Come on, you’re all bark and no bite…. we’ll, you do have one,” and gestured to my lip.
so then I said (again, very sorry) “Come on, you’re all bark and no bite…. we’ll, you do have one,” and gestured to my lip.
3points
#12
what do you call a white person that lost their job?
a fire cracker
(don't cancel me
a fire cracker
(don't cancel me
3points
#13
A man is walking on a wooded trail deep in a forest. Suddenly a little girl jumps out from a thicket crying. "Mister! Mister! My dad had a heart attack and drove the car into a lake with my mommy and brother still inside! You have to help me!" the girl begs. The man sighs and replies, "Today is just not your day" as he unzips his pants.
2points
#14
My friend in school says these racist, homophobic, anti-religious (nobody cares about that cuz they’re all religious) and they’re so funny I never tell him it’s rude. Some are normal like this one:
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a baby? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage. Here’s another one: How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends how thinly you slice them.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a baby? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage. Here’s another one: How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends how thinly you slice them.
2points
#15
person i know said on my bus "My moms an instrument!" me not missing a beat "Because people play her so much?"
2points
#16
what did the blind orphan get for Christmas?
cancer :(
2points
#17
All my jokes r dark and dirty and would prob get downvoted! BOOP!
1point
#18
idk, countless… (if you ask i will tell in da comments)
1point
#19
What’s black and white and red all over? A convict who got shanked.
1point
#20
I was at the seaside, thinking about climate change and there was a man next to me, skimming stones. I thought: ‘Well that isn’t helping.’
1point