Hey Pandas, What's Something You've Told No One, But You've Wanted To Get It Off Your Chest Recently? (Closed)

Okay this is something I’ve told only a few people because I could trust them, but I want to get it off my chest because most of the people who probably SHOULD know so they can help me through it aren’t trustworthy.

Anyways, a month ago now, I had an online friend who committed súicide. I’m definitely healing from it, but occasionally I still think back to it and get pretty emotional. But the occasional bouts of emotion I get now are NOTHING compared to how I felt when my friend had given me their final texts to me. They said they were sorry for being a bad friend.

Goddamnit Midnight why didn’t you just listen when I said you weren’t… 😢

But what’s done is done and I can’t change the fact that they’re dead now. All I can really do is honour them every year on their death date and never forget them, despite them wanting me to.

But I feel even worse because all my online friends always leave me, whether we fall out of contact because I accidentally broke their heart, they got caught by their parents, or they just end it all. I don’t know if I ever want to make another online friend again, because how do I know it’s not just gonna end one day… :/

I want to move to England to be with my boyfriend and have a fresh start. I’ve lived in Canada since I was born, but I’m bored of Canadian stuff, I want more adventure and more amazing experiences. I have a love of England culture, I’m even trying to speak in a British accent, it’s a work in progress.