Hey Pandas, What Would Be The Opening Line Of Your Memoir Or Autobiography?

I was the first in our group to kiss a boy, Louise was the first to get married, and Mary was the first to be murdered by an enraged jealous husband and buried in the back garden under a selection of concrete animal statues

This is the story of how I died.

"For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple–I wanted to be an intergalactic princess."

First things first; f**k you for not paying the full price for my book.

I would like to apologize in advance-

This is the story of all about how my life got flip-turned upside down, And I'd like to take a minute,
just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the hot mess you see here.

Liked by everybody but loved by nobody

This is how I got a felony over a big Mac and a midget stripper.

Don’t let this happen to you

I've been called many things, but I have never been called an author.

So. It has come to this.

I can't believe I lived long enough to have a life story to share.

It's all going to make sense in the end.

Welcome to my long list of embarrassments and regrets.

It was f*****g hot that day, my aunt told me.

No one connected the child's birth to the gypsy woman's curse that was cast last year.

I didn't know it at the time growing up, but i'm pretty sure my life was a shitshow from the start. I once read souls upstairs can pick their next reincarnated life, and know the reason why they want that life with those people. If that's true, someone needed to stop me and slap me upside the head.

It started with a mistake, Avery big mistake.

"Hi. Ya might wanna leave, I'm pretty boring."

To annoy and distract, that was my purpose.