Hey Pandas, What Is Keeping You Alive?

at this point, i don’t even know.

For a long time, I didn't know why. I think because I still had my cats and I had a little sister who looked up to everything I did.

A close family friend took his own life around the time when my depression was the worst and I had to watch his family go through that agonizing grief, blaming themselves for it and struggling every single day. I knew I could never do that to my family, because no matter how much I hated myself, I could never let them blame themselves and spend the rest of their lives wondering why they "weren't enough".

Now that I have worked past my depression, I wake up every day because I know my value and I know that I am beautiful and that I am creative and I can help other people who are hurting because I have felt their pain. Because I have learned to dream again.

because maybe things can get better

Too tired to do it and it’s too much research to figure out the least painless or quickest way to go