Hey Pandas, What Screams "I'm A Bad Parent?" (Closed)

Keep having children because you 'LOVE' having a baby, but have no idea to control your children when they get older and neglect them for the baby.

Not knowing how to apologise afterwards when you (inevitably) lose your s**t. We all lose our tempers, parents are no different and parenting is notoriously stressful, but what matters is what we do afterwards, and that we work to make sure we avoid our triggers. My kids know not to bother me for 5 minutes after I get in the door, for example. This is a great help to me so I can be a good mum. I can't do that if I'm feeling icky in my wet raincoat, struggling with shopping and need a wee.

Using physical force. Emotional violence ain't cool either.

Gaslighting. Forgetfulness is one thing, but if the gaslighting is constant, then its a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Giving into a child's every whim, it creates an entitled a*****e. Never disciplining a child's bad behavior.

When you can't talk to them about everyday things e.g. having to lie about how your day at school was, being unable to tell them about mental health problems etc. Kids should be able to express how they're feeling without fear of being scolded or judged. Parents are there to listen and guide us through life, not to judge and critique everything we do.

When nothing is good enough. Fourteen year old taking college classes and you only got a 89%? Basically, you're screwed. Nothing is satisfactory, and everything could have been better. I feel like this is a major flaw in my dad's parenting style. I LOVE my dad, but this drives me crazy.

Forcing religion on your kid.
Genital mutilations.
Not vaccinating.

When I go out to any place and I see someone's kids running around, climbing chairs and tables, bothering other customers, and just generally being uncontrollable while the parent just goes about ordering their food or whatever like their child isn't ruining other people's day.

Teasing. Constantly laughing at, insulting, humiliating, and verballing tormenting your child "as a joke."

- trying to start a fight. there are multiple times where i try to make a discussion with my parents and they start screaming at me. i just wanna have a nice level headed discussion and they start screaming at me if i don't immediately agree with them.

- never being able to apologize. not only are you being a piece of cráp to your kids, they also will grow lack the skills to apologize as well, which is a skill everyone needs. sometimes i struggle with apologizing but ive gotten over it for the most part.

- too many restrictions. yes, there are rules for a reason, but also your kids are supposed to feel a little freedom sometimes. and also parents with a lot of restrictions raise very sneaky children. take me, for example. i probs wouldn't even be on bp if it weren't for my need to rebel against my parents.

Not correcting your rude and naughty little child. Pretending you don't notice.

Your oldest daughter isn’t responsible for taking care of the younger ones, doing the house work or bearing the emotional responsibility of a family.
Overdressing your daughters and don’t allowing them to get dirty they are kids not porcelain dolls.
Sexualising and body shaming your babies for example shirts with slogans like “Does this diaper make my butt look big?” “Look up your daughters.” “My daddy says no dating till 35.” Just disgusting.

Personally, I think it's a balance of of many of the things already said, summarised as, 'Not treating your child like a human being'.

My mammy was my best friend when she needed to be, and a mother when she needed to be.

My father installed a solid work ethic (work hard and do your best, but don't let people take advantage), and sense of responsibility for my actions and belongings. He tried teaching me about consequences but I could never quite grasp it until it was too late.

I think love can sometimes be a barrier in parenting (both when it's too much and when it's not enough). Knowing when to temper love in favour of being reasonable or doing the right thing is a valuable skill. My parents love me and didn't want me to become an in-patient at a mental health facility (they were still very bad places back then), but they knew it was the right thing to do. Had they not tempered their love, I would probably be in prison or the ground.

A bad parent believes that they are a parent to a child. A good parent sees a young human that needs guidance, and struggles with balancing all of the thing that are involved in being a parent.

Conditional love. Or a reminder that your love is unconstitutional, and you should be greatful.

Letting your children run amuck in the store. Its not a playground. I've had children actually run into me while I was shopping. No apology and no parent around ( or if they are near they are on their phone).

Swearing at your kids. Not around your kids. Towards your kids.
Saying you hate your kids and hate being a parent. Why have kids in the first place?
Referring to your minor teen as a "roommate" and treat them like a burden.
Watching porn in the vicinity of your kids, in watching and hearing range.
Being too sexual in front of your kids.
Throwing objects. Punching floors and walls.
Grabbing your kid by the shoulders and shaking them.
Physically, emotionally, verbally, coercively abusing your kids.
Giving babies and toddlers pop in a bottle.
Let kids run around near roads and in between parked cars while just standing around talking to their friends.
Sending preschoolers to the park with siblings not old enough to babysit.
Taking strollers on escalators. Accidents have happened. It's easy to lose your balance as you're having to balance and stroller and not hanging onto the railing. That's what elevators are for.
Parents letting kids steal.
Leaving drugs, cigarettes, weed, edibles laying around in reach of kids.

Treating your biological children better than your step children and then reminding your step children that they are inferior because they don't have your "superior genes".

Spoiling your biological children to the point where they have no survival skills and end up living with you through their thirties while you have to take care of THEIR children.

Teasing and tormenting your kids. Making fun of what they like - favorite movies, favorite TV shows, favorite books, favorite songs, favorite musical artists - as well as their personal art and creative writing.

Recording your child when they are upset instead of consoling them, or recording them being scolded, then putting it in the internet so it can embarass and haunt them forever.

Screaming at your kid in public because they are acting up instead of just removing them from the situation. A screaming, crying child might be annoying, but a screaming adult is worse. Especially when all you're doing is yelling at them and not actually intervening to make them stop whatever the problem behavior is.