Hey Pandas, What Is The Oddest Comment Anyone Has Said To You That You Just Had No Response For? (Closed)

I don't know what to say when people are sad or grieving. I'm literally not capable of empathy so I just look like a ahole.

For example, a short while ago colleague A had sent a message to colleague B telling them that their (A) mother had died that morning. B told me as I'm the direct manager of A.
When A called me and told me their mum had died, my response was 'So I hear! What's your plan? How long do you want off?'.
I know I need improvement.

I always pee in a bottle because the chemicals in the toilet are taking pictures of my d**k because they can make cameras that small now and Mi15 know that I know and have put snipers in the loft of my house that are going to kill me because I know.

One of many fun conversations I've had whilst working in a mental health hospital. Life hack: Don't ever take monkey dust it's just really bad for you and those around you.

Mine was I was visiting my home country after some years of not being there, and a girl cousin (around 8 yo) says to me about her 16 yo sister: "You know, she once tried to push me out the window." Deadpan expression, no context, nothing. They lived in a high rise building at the time. I said "Oh!... Well...I'm...I'm glad she didn't...do that..." This was in front of said sister AND their mother. Nobody said anything or looked uncomfortable, except for me of course. I quickly changed the subject!

Thank God I always have an answer - even if it is the most stupid or inappropriate one ! LOL

I once had a customer say I look “exactly like her ex wife” This was completely out of the blue. I had no response for it.

"beware of the Easter bunny"

I was working at a prison. The inmates warned the guards and staff that they liked that to warn them Abt a riot that was Abt to happen.

Pretty much everything my mum says. She's a bit nutty. I'll walk in on her talking to herself, singing demented nursery rhymes, and just general muttering. The other day she just out-of-the-blue yells, "SKANK."
Apparently, it was just said in her audiobook and she likes to repeat what she hears.

It was actually a question, but I'm going to count it. I was sitting with a female friend at lunch as well as a male friend who was watching something on his phone. Suddenly he looks up at us and says, "Are you lesbians? I only ever see you talk to girls." We just sat there staring at him. I had told him I was straight (well, sort of straight anyways, but not a lesbian) a few times, my friend had said she was straight before, and also we definitely talked to boys because, well, he's a boy and I talk to him...

Once had a guy ask me if I wanted to f*ck him on the second day of school my sophomore year. I’d been homeschooled my entire life, that was my first year at a public school. Was so confused, i don’t think I answered him. He kept cornering me and asking for my number etc. and I eventually gave him a fake. He never bothered me after that thank goodness.

I had a patient lean over me, inhale deeply through his nose, and comment, "you can just tell the smell of a virgin!" I was like 27 and definitely not (which is beside the point).