Hey Pandas, What Do You Just Need To Get Off Your Chest? (Closed)

i broke up with sam

i’m so overwhelmed with life

I don't like my brother. He's always gaslighting me to believe somehing he did or wasn't my fault was my fault. He gets randomly mad or cold on me and I don't now why. I try to talk with him about this, but he never takes anything serious. he will start an argument, but when I'm about to win he will turn the argument on me and say "just let it go" . If he's a jerk to me , I will tell him to stop but he always responds with " once yous top being drama queen". ok what does that have to do with the conversation. I will aplogize for times when we are both in the wrong ( ex: He egged me on to start an argument), but he will never apologize back even when it's mostly his fault. I think he thinks that nothing is his fault or apologizing is a sign of weakness. when I make a friend ( which is rare), he steals them from me and I don't like it. He also says the only reason I'm invited to parties is because "I'm his twin" which might be true but it still hurts. I have never heard a sorry, I apologize, or a thank you ever leave his mouth for me ( for other people maybe). he also calls me words like "midget" and "triple threat (vertically ( because i'm short), horizontally ( because my weight percentile was higher then my height even though he ways 150 pounds and he's 14), and mentally ( which isn't even true and I'm actually smater then him) disabled). My mom says it's because were brothers, but I believe it's worse then that. ( he's also taller then me so he always wins fights and threatens me with fighting)

My friends cat. hes been sitting on my chest all day

i hate my life.
i love my life.
i want to die.
i want to live.
i want to be in pain.
i don’t want to be in pain.
i want to come out to my parents.
i don’t want to.
CANT I JUST DECIDE

I’m tired of everything
I’ve haven’t sh’d in a while so ig that’s good…
Idk
I want to come out but
I don’t have the guts to
Idk
What’s life for anyways?

My depression is getting worse but I can't talk about it because I'm the only one holding everything together most days. My health is suffering and I'm not getting any younger but I can't even take time for myself. And then I feel guilty for not taking care of myself, which makes me more depressed. I just jeep plowing through every day, barely holding my sanity together, but it's getting harder to keep myself distracted every day. And his depression and anxiety is far, far worse than mine but I can't fix it. Nobody wants to help an ex addict with PTSD and a whole slew of other problems unless you have connections, so the best he's got is a therapist who barely pays attention and a half-competent doctor who couldn't diagnose her way out of a paper bag.

I feel like I’m the only responsible person in my house (which is saying something because I’m also the youngest). I can’t get any help and things are getting worse everyday. My brother gets away with anything. Bad grades, hitting the dog, blaring music, yelling, etc. My parents blame it on his adhd because they’re too tired of asking him to stop. At this point, I think they forgot what adhd means. Meanwhile I have to do everything perfectly, and they get mad at me at every small mistake that I do. I have to be their ‘perfect cis-straight child with good grades and a lot of friends’, when I’m just not. I’ve told my parents how I feel and they discarded it (like everything else that I tell them). I just need a break from being perfect. I wish I didn’t have to constantly have a smile on my face while I’m crying inside. I really want to tell someone and get help, but how can I do that if no one will listen?

my bewbs (i’m trans)

My boyfriend let me know yesterday while we were cuddling that he used to think I was ugly. He tells that he was an idiot and I’m beautiful and always have been and I should never think I’m anything less than that, but it kinda stings still? It doesn’t hurt too bad, I know I’m not pretty in the same way as most people around me, I don’t like my smile and laugh all that much because I know I just look worse for it. But that my boyfriend used to think I was ugly still feels strange. I’m not surprised even, I kind of expect people to feel that way when they meet me (makes me feel like they’re friends because they like my personality rather than anything else) but it still feels weird that the guy I’ve been with for 1+ years thought I was ugly. I honestly don’t completely know how to react; it’s kind of funny, but also really not