Hey Pandas, What Are Some Hilarious Things You Have Heard People Say In Their Sleep?

I playfully tickled my sleeping husband on the cheek and he screamed MOUSE! and punched me

My husband once randomly said, while deep in sleep “ bam bam bam, turn the keeeeeeeey! Oh nooooooo it’s inside they cat, ohhh maaan, all the wings are on fire” then made a very dissatisfied sigh and that was it… I sleep with one eye open

My dad when I was very young: "Gotta plow the fields and water the crops." (I knew he was dreaming, but it still kind of freaked me out)
Me, as overheard by my husband: "And just a little bit of lettuce" (placing a Subway order in my sleep)
My husband, sleepwalking: "I'm not sleeping, I'm surfing!" (immediately followed by a surfing pose)

When my oldest daughter was little, she use to sleep walk quite a bit. One night I got up and I found her in heavy conversation with the bathroom wall... "We can't steal the PIE DAVE, it's not made yet!"

... we did not know anyone named Dave at that time O.o

My brother ran as fast as he could down the stairs and stood at the bottom, and screamed bloody murder while still asleep. Apparently he was dreaming about clowns.

When my son was a toddler, he dreamt about bugs sometimes. One night he had leapt out of his bed and was crying and screaming, “There’s a mosquito!” And I tried to tell him there was nothing there, until I realized he was still asleep. So I played along; “Where is the mosquito, buddy?” He pointed to it, I “squashed” it, asked if there were any more, and he promptly got back in bed, still asleep, and remembered none of it the next day.

My ex woke me up one night shaking me and screamed at me to get out of bed and run cos there are pieces of pig in the fridge!

My dad started screaming in Hindi about too many bunnies.

my son (getting progressively louder) "red, red, red, red RED, RED, RED...oh! I like ketchup "

"The 1996 Honda Civic hatchback in red... The 96 Civic in red..." My husband, sleep-talking.

I tapped my mother because the alarm was ringing and she told me to stop licking her face.

My brother said "eh...put some ice on it".

Apparently once in my sleep, my parents heard me telling myself a story. They still didn’t tell me what the story was about but apparently I was saying it so animatedly that they thought I was awake

When I was around four, I dreamed that my mom asked me if I "wanted the sun or the moon." I responded out loud, "I'll take the moon." It seemed like a good decision.

My dad said oh no don't eat the pickle

I can’t wait to share!!!

A couple of months ago I started making sausages at home - I can’t eat pork sausage, and chicken is hard to come by. It was shortly after I made my first batch.

My partner woke up in the middle of the night and started shuffling items around on the shelf and dresser… this is what I texted my best friend the next day:

Me: what are you doing?!
Him: the sausages are out of order!
Me: What sausages?
Him: Not the ones we made, the PERSONAL sausages!
Me: I have no idea what you are talking about
Him: the PERSONAL sausages!! They're out of order!

He then walks to the bathroom and does his business. When he walks back in I ask “what was that about?”

Him: I have no idea what you're talking about
Me: you were sleep walking and talking about personal sausages

We laugh hysterically

But there’s MORE!

Him: what?! Personal sausages?! Kielbasa was invented by the guy in Poland
Me: yes, kielbasa is from Poland. But what does that matter?
Him: it was in the documentary I watched
Me: what documentary?!
Him: I don't know. I watch a lot of documentaries.

AND at some point after I said I was trying to sleep he did say "everyone sleeps better with a little sausage in them. That's from Beerfest.”

And he has ZERO recollection of ANY of the discussion from that night!!!

And THAT is the funniest thing I have ever heard someone say in their sleep!

I walked into the bedroom one night to my sleeping wife saying, “Me? No, but the dragon onions ate the frog. And I hardly wore any makeup so... “

I really wish I knew what obvious conclusion I was supposed to draw from that set of facts. However, I immediately crept out of the bedroom and wrote it all down. I pull this gem out everyone once in awhile when someone brings up the topic of people talking in their sleep.

I had a pen pal who lived in CA and I lived in CT. We had been writing back and forth for about 8 years when she came to visit for a long weekend. My mom said she came into my room to tell us it was time for bed because it was late, but we were both asleep... having a conversation with each other. I don't remember what it was about, but she said it was perfectly lucid.

My husband was snoring, so I poked him and said “Roll over, you’re snoring”, which usually worked. Except once when he replied “I’m not snoring, Shadow (the dog) is!”. He had no recollection of it the next day.

Okay so my English speaking husband speaks fluent Spanish …..but only in his sleep!