Hey Pandas, Vent/Talk Here!

I just feel so conflicted all the damn time. I know I’m the a*****e in a situation yet there’s that small voice who’s trying to tell me that I’m the victim even though I know very well that the other party is the victim. I doubt everything so much all the time and people are getting very irritated with me and I know that what I do is irritating but I only realise that after doing it

Everyone needs to stop responding to trolls and just troll them with memes about trolls. This works because
A) Nothing I say is going to dissuade a *troll from their very vocal opinion
B) If I'm looking at someones hateful comment about how I shouldn't exist and I'm an idiot, it 100% cheers me up to see a meme telling me this is just a troll, its going to be okay and nobody is taking them seriously.
Stop the troll wars, start the meme battle!

Help, My post about gender identity is being overrun by trolls and I am currently crying on the couch, they are even resorting to telling people to kill themselves, I reported them but I doubt it will work and they will just create a new account, what did I do to deserve this?

im partnered up with someone who probs has a crush on me. i told a few of my friends at first because being the idiot i am, i thought the dude was mad at me by the signs he was giving me. now those friends love (lightly, they would stop if I told them to, they r good friends :D) teasing me about it and sometimes i joke along with it too, but I can't help but feel a lil awkward around the dude. I just pretend that I don't suspect anything but its kinda hard. as someone who doesn't like picturing myself in romantic situations, its rlly weird.

am i overthinking it? is it really just that easy to ignore it? if you want me to tell you the signs, just ask, I can tell you in the comments

One of my friends (B) is kind of annoying, I don't really like him that much but also I didn't realize that he's also overprotective. I have had to make it very clear to him that I will never date him before too. Now here's why I tell you this, one of my friends (E) asked me if I was dating B. E then said that I should back off from B because he's ruining my chances with guys because of how he acts. A freshman (J) had asked E if I was dating B, because there's a senior (S) who is interested in me. But why hasn't he made a move? Because B is too overprotective and has scared people off. I don't know who S is but I'm curious because I don't know how J hangs around that would tell him about stuff like that. It also kind of upsets me that the actions of B are having a negative effect on me.

I can't take this anymore, my heart hurts SO GOSH-DARN MUCH because the cute and lovely girl who is my crush doesn't like me back 💔

And on top of that, there's another (different) girl who I think might have fallen for me. And no, I don't like her back.

Nothing will make sense sorry, things will be in no sense of order. There's a lot sitting on my heart right now.

I hate myself. I can't deal with school anymore. I get dizzy when I stand up more frequently. It wasn't that bad before but in the past week it's everytime I stand up. Headaches also started in the past day. I can feel my heart somedays and it just makes it painfully obvious that it's wrong. All of this heart stuff just makes me so tired. I got to my physics class today and immediately just fell asleep on my desk. I couldn't even fight against it, I was just out so fast. The class before, I had laid down on the floor to sleep but only had a few minutes before moving onto the next class. I'm getting tired of people too. Like I don't want to deal with all this drama but somehow I know about stuff going on. Or am directly involved. Like 3 of my friends are all involved in drama and I'm the person who kinda just knows everything happening and having to keep stuff a secret from the others. Like I'm tired of that. It is so hard for me to juggle them and then my own problems. Like how come all the freshman just want to make drama with me in it. NO I am not dating one of my friends, NO I do not like this person, NO I am not talking to anybody, and NO I DONT CARE. It's so hard to act like I care anymore. I be getting these daily updates about one of my friends and it's getting old to care. Like okay you have a kid, almost got arrested, accidentally bought a car...again, almost got arrested again, got 3 tickets the other day, skipped school, somebody thought you liked me, you think that I should dump one of my friends because it's scaring off guys, you beat somebody up, got dumped, entered into a bet where you have to confess to a girl, blacked out while traveling the south, almost got arrested again again, and so much much more. Yes I understand you have this WILD life but sometimes I just cannot take listening to all of it while I'm just trying to sleep ot figure out my stuff. I cannot handle somebody else's life and mine at the same time. It's getting so hard to handle just my life. I don't even wanna go anyway nowadays but at the same time I can't handle staying home. I wanna kill myself again. It's getting bad again guys. I can't take it anymore. But I won't. I won't. I'm forcing myself to stay alive. I know it's weird but the reason I stay alive is because i give myself a reason. More like I have a commitment that I shouldn't let people down for. Usually it leads to me being alive long enough to get to a better place. I've never really talked about the last time I was suicidal, but it was the worst. I slowly got worse and worse until everyday, several times in an hour, I would want to kill myself. I had a plan. I knew exactly how long it would take. I knew where and when. I would've died November 2nd. Just before my birthday, because I couldn't stand getting older. I'm scared to be 18. When I was 12, I was manipulated by dozens of men into sending images of myself. When I was 14, I was sexually harrased on the bus. When I was 16, I was manipulated and raped. It makes sense why I'm scared to turn 18, every 2 years things get worse. Maybe one day I'll realize that it was okay to be scared but I shouldn't let it hold me back, because it does seem that killing myself would be holding me back. Idk, I might be alive by next year. Who knows, definitely not me.

Christmas is coming up soon and it’s a stressful time for me because I’m still dealing with my eating disorder but it’s starting to go away, except for the fact that I have relapsed a few times recently.

Waking up at 6:30am for work and working until 5pm daily is simply too many hours of work.

I have a crush on someone who my friend liked first. idk what to do.

Well my exams are starting soon and I'm a stressed nervous wreck. On top of that I have to bike 5 km to school everyday in -2°C so my neck and back both keep locking up, I have a crush that's in 2 grades higher than me who probably hates me and doesn't like me back, I might have depression, and I have my first appointment with a psychologist tomorrow and my mother keeps guilt tripping me by crying and complaining that I don't want to talk to her but I will talk to a stranger, and I'm on the very verge of telling her its her fault I need a psychologist even though I know that's gonna f*ck everything up, and I just wish I was brave enough to commit suicide because I literally don't have any will to live. Thanks for reading

I know its been a while since I've been on here and I've done all my ranting to my irl friends instead but I might just recap all the stuff that's happened in the last couple of months

Okay so some people here know that I was in the psych ward for a week and a half (third suicide attempt/not eating for a week happened and my friend convinced me to tell my parents about what's been going on) which did help a bit (literally everyone around me is convinced I'm neurodivergent and honestly I probably am AuDHD or at least have ADHD) but not my twitching is way worse cause someone there was screaming a lot and punching stuff and my brain decided that I need to start dissociating and violently twitching whenever I get startled or anxious, and I have anorexia (which I think y'all already know). My depression has also been upgraded form mdd to osdd (basically just mdd+ in my case, mdd with additional bipolar symptoms and also some minor hallucinations and paranoia/delusions) and I'm on anxiety meds (which taste horrible). I've been out of school for like a month, I don't have access to anything that I can use to sh (I've also managed to attempt suicide two more times since that cause I'm creative), and honestly I have no clue what's going on. The only positive thing about this is that my parents are finally realizing that I'm not exaggerating my sensory issues and are allowing me to like. Not have panic attacks daily cause of regular noises. Also one of my friends thinks that I might have seizures which I don't really agree with but I definitely have weird brains stuff going on (my nearly passing out whenever I stand up thing has gotten more noticeable lately and according to the psych ward those are actually blackouts and I do lose consciousness, I just remain standing). I also spent Thanksgiving in the psych ward which was honestly a great excuse to not interact with my entire extended family.

I didn't actually want this one to post :/

My life is an absolute rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes I just want to leave everything, idk if this means dying but I just don’t want to be “here” anymore. Other times I’m perfectly fine. I’m always scared during the times when I’m fine that I’m going to feel bad again, and actually go through with it. And when I feel bad, I really just want to end it all. It doesn’t help that I’m discovering most things I did and believed were normal aren’t. Those “traits” are putting my parents in a bad light, and I’m starting to realize my life was wayyy worse than I thought it was (which is saying a lot). My self esteem is broken, I can’t tell anyone what I’m going through (I’ve tried, I just can’t bring myself to say anything), I can’t imagine a future for me anymore, and I’m tired of everything. It doesn’t help that my parents got rid of my access to the only website that I could talk about my problems (other than here), because I was using it too much. Oh, don’t forget about school taking up my life and the few friends I have not even knowing what I’m going through because I always have a smile on my face around them. Yep, my life is great /s.

I want to jump off a cliff :D my mind is broken

hi