Hey Pandas, This Is A Safe Space, Go Ahead And Vent (Closed)

WHY DO YOU DOWN VOTE PPL FOR MAKING BAD JOKES?!? THAT CAN GET SOMEONE BANNED

WHY THE HELL IS THERE NO EAST VIRGINIA?!?!? OR OLD YORK, OLD HAMPSHIRE, OR OLD JERSEY?!?!?!?

WHY IS IS NOT AR-KANSAS?!?!??!

AMERICA EXPLAIN!?!?!?

TRIGGER WARNING*** thinking of death, mentioning it**

i just dont know if i want to live anymore. But then i look at my dog and my best friends and think what would happen to them if i left, would they be fine? I'm just so.....tired!!!
And it hurts so much to wake up and live the same day over and over and over again!

I am just sick of the world we live in, where its so hard to grow and start a life, when all some people wanna do is destroy it like whats the point anymore?

im sorry im just...emotinally drained, and i can see the worried looks in my friends faces cause i dont look like me anymore, my face dosent glow anymore, my eyes look dead.

I just need to go away for a while but i cant cause this place is just so DEMANDING.

There are two things bothering me. Firstly, I live on a Caribbean island that's beautiful but it's now riddled with crime and corruption. It's so frustrating to see everything go to sh**. I feel like migrating a lot but the cost would pose an issue. I'm still considering it though but I'll have to include my dad too, can't leave him here (I don't have siblings and he's my only remaining parent). Secondly, it's the usual over-achiever in childhood, anxious adulthood scenario. So much expectations and feeling bad when you disappoint. I'm 34 now and everyone around me are doctors, lawyers, engineers and I'm only now getting my P.G. Dip. I feel like a mountain of failure surrounded by success. I live at home and I have job that's not even in my field but I've got to do it, no family wealth to fall back on. It feels really crappy seeing everyone doing so well knowing I had so much high hopes that all fell to the ground.

Anyways, thanks for the safe space. It helped to say that.

Tw: sh,ed, Su!cid3, mentions of trauma/r@pe
I literally hate myself I wanna kill myself and everyone around me. I have tried to starve myself just to look skinny and honestly I hate that I can’t be like those pretty girls/boys on Pinterest or tt. I have been feeling 10x worse ever since I was r@ped on a f***ing cruise ship.

I'm a survivor of childhood SA and the one time I tried to talk to my dad about it he let me get out one sentence ("dad, I was r@ped as a child"). His reply was "And now that you've told me we never need to talk about it again". Then he changed the subject.

I have these two stepsiblings who I’ve lived with my whole life and love more than anyone else, but because I’m a minor and my mum doesn’t want them staying with us, I haven’t seen them in person for at least two years. I’ve lost track of the time at this point. All three of us have had a pretty rough time, but now they’re together and I can’t be with them, all because of some stupid stuff that happened a long time ago. I went to therapy for it for I think a year and got diagnosed with trauma-related anxiety. I feel like a huge part of me is missing. Anybody I can tell won’t understand, because I look perfect on the outside—perfect grades, perfect behavior, perfect house. I don’t care about any of that. I want to be stupid or something so somebody actually cares about my problems. Because who cares if you cut if you get straight A’s, right? Who am I gonna tell?

I miss them like hell. Texting them isn’t enough. I’ve barely heard their voices or seen their faces. There are more years ahead of me until I MIGHT be able to see them again. I’m so done with all the “it’s for your own good” c**p. I just want my siblings back. I don’t know what the point of living is without them. The one thing keeping me sane is the conversations I have with them, and I get really obsessive over always saying the right thing or coming up with something interesting to talk to them.

I’ve noticed recently that I’m really sensitive to feeling like I’ve done something wrong to the point of breaking down any time somebody asks me to do something differently. Just today, my friend corrected me on somebody’s name and I said “sorry” almost crying. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. It’s never about the criticism, it’s about disappointing people.

Thanks for making a safe space. I really needed to say that.

i know that people grow and change but she's not the same anymore. she's a different person now and i hate it.

i have a crush on someone in my acting class and idk if i should tell her ???

I have a friend, let’s call her E. E and I have known each other since I can remember, and we spent a lot of time together over the summer. She came out to me as cupioromantic asexual over the summer, and I told her I’m bi-ace. We got really close, talking about sexuality, religion, mental health, and even sleeping on each other’s shoulders, but I think I feel a lot closer to her than she feels to me. It’s not in a romantic way at all, I just love her a lot. Anyways, I now see her about once every 1-2 weeks, which hurts like hell. Even when I do get to see her, it’s in-group, so it’s not the closeness that I’m craving. In group, we can’t talk about anything openly because we don’t know who will tell all our parents. I also feel guilty about missing her so much because I know that others have long-distance friendships/relationships that are much harder.

Sorry for the long rant, it felt shorter as I was writing it.

This is a little more personal, but I’m comfortable sharing it so here goes.

I don’t know what’s up with me, but I have like NO self discipline. I tell myself the things I’m going to get done, I give myself a schedule, and I still get distracted and barely finish half the tasks I was hoping to complete that day. I want to have free time, and I have a small enough workload that that SHOULD be possible. If I could discipline myself enough to actually accomplish anything.

For a little bit of context, I’m still in school, and I have been diagnosed with ADHD and am taking medication for it.

I spent this whole last year losing weight. It's been really hard. As a treat I took a vacation to my mom's house in Kauai. I can wear bikini and I feel pretty good about myself. She's always been super thin and I've always been a little on the heavy pudgy side. So losing weight feels like a huge accomplishment. Last night as I was heading to bed I said good night to my mom and she told me that I should put myself to bed because I'm still too fat for the fairies to take me. I've been fuming ever since.

I haven't been doing great mentally. My fish died yesterday and many family members have died this year.

Marching band has been killing me and I haven't gotten a chance to talk to my therapist for a while so mentally I'm on the verge of a breakdown.

Life sucks rn

I feel like all my friends hate me and I care too much about what people think of me. I have this guy i really like and we’re dating but he’s a year younger than me and everyone is making it a big deal out of it.So it takes away from how I feel about him. I also have attachment issues over an ex that I cheated on. It was peer pressure but I still feel like no one understands and I can’t confide in anyone about anything. And I’m in middle school there shouldn’t be this much pressure. Also, I’m sorta popular at my school and someone once called me a b*tch and it really got to my head bc I try my best to be nice to everyone. Ugh life

All my dad does is scold me! I've been having a hard time in school and he scolds me. I already feel guilty enough! I just want him to be proud

There is this one boy in my PE class who has been bullying me daily. Out PE teacher is a PE teacher is horrible, and hasn’t noticed anything. The worst thing is that this guy is younger than me, but still takes advantage of me. He has physically hurt me multiple times, to the point where I am crying on the floor. My friends usually help me afterwards, but they are all shy and don’t talk to him. I haven’t told my parents because it’s embarrassing. I don’t know what to do, any advice? Also, I feel like I should give him sympathy because he has no parents and is raised by his grandma, but still. He can’t do that to me.

Copied and pasted from another post but yk

Had to edit for swearing I apologise

I would not recommend reading this if triggered by mental health things

Everything is a mess atm.

Ok so recently my ex (platonic) boyfriend has broken up with me but tbf we were kinda broken for a little but I thought it was getting better but apparently not. They tried to cheat on me but my friend are the best so they put a stop to that. Um we kinda broke up before that as well because we went poly cause they got a crush on someone else too which I was cool with but then I was completely ignored which tbh sucks and it turned out I was 2nd best and I wasn't dealing with that. And then it turned out they r slightly racist which ik is a red flag but yk I kinda ignored that because ngl I'm extremely stupid. And I'm still friends with them. They're genuinely a good guy too which makes it confusing as hell. Also I have a squish (platonic crush) on someone else at the same time as my ex partner which is fun to deal with... Now I think about it I think I develop squishes on people who develop crushes on me-
....
Lot's of my friends mental health really bad atm. Some suicide attempts and stuff from people... Even the ones who act the most ok which is scary and genuinely luckily I usually know about what's going on cause I'm the person people talk so I get to help.
...
I'm extremely touch starved atm which ain't pleasant.. ik there's more stuff but I can't really think of more atm. Just stressed ig

Ok I have more to add now from just [yesterday] so enjoy that.

Had to help 1 of my friend's bf break up with her while my friend already felt bad and cut herself and was shaking worrying she did something wrong because she was being ignored by him. His mental health was just really really bad and I had to break the news that he needed to break up...

1 of my closest friends tried to kill themself. Again. Had to force the information out of them even tho I already knew but had to pretend I didn't-

I saw a child, younger than me for sure with cuts on her arm and I felt so bad for her

I realised I've been trying to quit sh for almost a year now and am still messing up occasionally

Another one of my friends gad a mini breakdown thing idk what to call it and asked me for a blade which I lied and said I didn't have it...

EVERYONE around me is struggling around me so I have no friends I can talk to atm

Idrk what else to say tbf it's just been a bad couple of days. Probably forgetting something lol