Hey Pandas, Please Tell Me Something Funny Because I'm Sad (Closed)

I am a maintenance man. General stuff. Decided to take the bull by the horns today and fix a urinal that has been causing problems. I dove right in and started to take the flushing assembly apart. I was patting myself on the back Abt how motivated I was. Thinking abt how my boss would praise me for taking care of it.

Pulled the last piece off and BAM. Forgot to turn the water off. High pressure water came shooting out of the wall. No way of stopping it without turning the water off at another point. Flooded damn bathroom out. Great way to start the week. Lol. At least I got a shower out of it

What's gray and can't fly?

A parking lot.

What do you call a little psychic who just escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.

My ex-gf and I were sitting at school at lunch together and I was telling her about the bisexual nikes and the karen who dissed them, and she just out of nowhere said "respect the drop karen" which caused me to snort cruddy school milk out my fricking nose

I told my suitcases that we weren't going on holiday this year.
Now I have emotional baggage.

True story: So when I was a kid my family lived out in the middle of nowhere…which gave us a good amount of leeway with how we could legally spent our time. My mom also, coincidentally, has a great fascination with fireworks. One holiday (can’t remember if it was the 4th or New Years) she decided to end her annual fireworks display with one of those giant 100+ shot rapid fire bottle rocket screamer boxes. About the fourth or fifth shot in, she realized it probably wasn’t a good idea to set it off directly underneath the power lines. Oh well.

Fast forward a few weeks and we are having a great deal of trouble with our internet connection and cable tv reception, and so the company finally decides to send someone out to investigate. After a few hours, the man knocks on our front door and asks if we have a "squirrel problem" because the power lines seemed to have been eaten through. My mom literally responded, "Those darn squirrels!", closed the door, and then proceeded to realize the truth. Needless to say, the "squirrel problem" was resolved, at least, by the next holiday.