Hey Pandas, Need To Vent?

I don't wanna be a big attention seeker but yesterday made me mad because my dad was mad because I wore the same clothes I wore before I took a shower, and I told him not to worry about small stuff like that, and I told him that if it's something bad, then yes, he can worry about it, and then he mentioned my "transgender bs" (I'm Genderfluid), and i told him not to mention that again, and he said he wouldn't as long as i didnt say i wasn't his little girl. And my stepsister said a long time ago during our "church session at home" that boys are supposed to date girls and girls are supposed to date boys, and there are only two genders. I know I'm an AFAB, and I don't want to change that, but at least they should respect my gender and pronouns.

I want to f*****g die there's no point in this s**t and I hate everything about me and I hate the fact that I look so masc and I hate the fact I have a penis and I hate my stupid family and I want to jump off a cliff

I keep submitting AskPandas and they do not get published. Is there a certain time you are supposed to submit them? Doing my head in.

Honestly, I haven't been doing very well lately and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone irl about it. I don't even know how to explain it, I just feel like I have to pretend everything's ok and I know that's not healthy but I'm scared that if I let myself feel all of this I'll fall apart. (I've also been pretty dysphoric lately, and being genderfluid is hard because no matter what I do, there will ALWAYS be times when my body/haircut/name/etc feel wrong because my gender isn't consistent at all)

HAKAKABJWKWKWJEHWKWKW

I AM SEETHING

So in our lunch room there is three tables for my grade. Me and my friends would sit in the back table. Half of the table was boys and half was us girls. Well we were forced to move to another table so the boys could sit in our spots. Wanna know why they needed to sit in our spots?!? BECAUSE THERE WASNT ENOUGH ROOM AT ANOTHER TABLE WHERE ALL THE REST OF BOYS SAT SO SOME BOYS HAD TO SIT AT THE THIRD TABLE WHICH THE OTHER GIRLS SAT AT AND THE BOYS *COULDNT HANDLE SITTING WITH GIRLS*

ME AND MY FRIENDS HAD TO MOVE FROM OUR TABLE BECAUSE THE BOYS HAVE THE MATURITY LEVEL OF A FIVE YEAR OLD.

Why do we have to be punished? How hard is it for the boys to sit with girls? The girls don’t complain when they have to sit at the boys table. I just don’t understand why they are prioritized over us. I’m not saying that we should be prioritized over them, but we had sat at that table for the past two weeks. That was our table. And now there isn’t even enough room at the table we moved at.

My parents dont get it. Anything. My mom lets me get therapy but jokes about them "ruining my pysche" so I need it-which isn't completely wrong. They don't understand my ADHD or anxiety or sexuality-and my dad tries. My mom doesn't, and just tries to make me something she's comfortable with (neurodivergent flannel aqua pickup truck lesbian)

i feel…empty. like there’s no point in doing anything. also, i’ve been daydreaming almost obsessively, and sometimes i feel like i’m the character in my dreams, it’s like an escape from the real world. sh makes me feel better. i’m pretty sure i have depression, anxiety, and bpd, but since my parents won’t take me to a mental health professional, all i can do is rely on online tests from the mental health association of america, and those are never a substitute for a real professional. i’ll probably never get help. i’ll probably just die. there’s no point in living anymore.

someone scribbled over the trans flag i drew and i broke my no self harm streak

this belongs here or doesn’t, either way i just need to get this off my chest

i kinda miss my mom to be honest i know she wasn’t the best person but i miss when i was younger and was cuddled in her soft arms

despite everything she’s done i still love and miss her and i hate it. why can’t i just let go of her just like how she did for me. i used to be her super talented and smart daughter, what happened now???? what happened to me????

I just feel very depressed tonight. I got onto an argument with my dad, and I feel horrible. I have no idea why I'm still here. I feel bad because my dad loves me and I'm always treating him badly, and I probably ruined his life when i was born. I hope someday I can wake up and this can just be a big dream.