Hey Pandas, Is There Anything You Need To Get Off Your Chest?

My life is just really sucky. My parents are fundemntelist christians and have no resect for me. I have no way to escape from my life they are really picky about who I hang out with. They also don't think any mental health disorders are real or take them seriously, because if anything happens to you it's your fault for sinning or not "following Jesus" closely

I have been experiencing some really dark thoughts lately about cutting myself and starving myself to the brink of death. It’s honestly a miracle that I haven’t actually tried to kill myself yet, but give it time and it’ll happen.

Multiple things :)

1. I’ve never had a crush before so for all I know I have a crush on my friends
2. I had my first suicidal thought 4 years ago, when I was in grade 3
3. I’ve no idea what my religion is, my whole family is christian
4. I keep looking for sharpener blades and I don’t realise that I’m looking for them until I find them or until after around 2 mins

Thanks for reading (or not) to my nonsense

ive never really had interactions with my granpa but about a year or two ago he died yet its only now starting to click that i wont be able to see him again

I just asked a girl I really like to a dance and she said yes. However she never actually said if she likes me back and I don't know how the hell to ask her now unless I ask her out but that'll be weird now

1. Due to past and recent bad experiences in my life, I have a tremendous repulsion towards men, yet, I can still feel sexually attracted to them. I feel, a lot of the time, when reading on lists of things men wish women did or knew about them, they are very hypocritical. For example, men constantly state they cannot read a woman's mind. Fair. Agreed. Yet they wonder why women don't automatically understand how to do things they(men) like. We can't read your minds any better. They say women should lead more and be assertive, yet they feel "emasculated" if a woman is in a high leadership position or makes more money or does not blindly let them lead. They say they are more logical and less emotional but will not admit they are quick to anger and, usually, some form of violence or aggression. I also do not believe I need men in my life on a personal level. Anything (within reason and as an adult woman) I want in life, I have procured myself. A car, a house, material possessions. I did not and do not need a man to pay for me to enjoy life. I certainly don't need them for any emotional needs I can think of. Every time someone tries to give me a reason I would even remotely desire a relationship with a man of any caliber, I can easily replace him in my mind with a beautiful, eternally faithful and loyal dog. Better yet, 10. Yet I find myself attracted to men to a certain degree. I am also attracted to women. I don't completely or remotely hate men, just the thought of trying to share my uncomplicated and comfortably peaceful life with one. I am thoroughly confused, and I don't know how to handle it or be at peace with it. I am polite and kind to the male patrons at my work, as is required, to a certain degree, but that is it. A therapist could not be of any help because I feel on the surface I am protecting myself from further harm.

2. In relation to and not in relation to 1, for the past six months, I have had no desire to further connections with my friends. Aside from wishing them a happy birthday and sending a gift, I have canceled many plans to go out and meet. An anxious feeling grows the closer I get to the date, and I cancel a day or two before. I don't know what is wrong with me, and I feel like c**p every time but also great relief after canceling. I canceled on seeing my coworker's new house and having a lunch date, I canceled on going to a movie with my other coworker. We are pleasant with each other, but the thought of going out makes me feel anxious and panicked. I thought it was just my usual winter depression, but even with the sunny weather this week, I am compelled to cancel or adjust another meeting I made with a woman I am tentative friends with. She is barely 18 whereas I will be 21 in a few months. She is also interested in men and can be almost giddy about them in a way I am not. Otherwise, I like her, but for some reason don't want to get too involved.

3. I don't know what to do about my thoughts, feelings, or anything internally right now. But it does feel a bit better to put them out somewhere. Thanks, to anyone who is somewhat interested.

i hate being in my college! i just wanna take a break from my monotonous suffocating life!!

I'm at a point where I just want to scream. My life has never been easy, but somehow I always managed to pull myself together and stay strong, and in the years before the pandemic it looked like a few things were going to work out: New place to live, job, therapy (OCD, GAD, depression). It seemed to get better. I had to fight really hard, but I was motivated. Then I developed a "Frozen Shoulder", an infection that takes a lot of time to heal and comes with immense pain. I was hardly able to do anything at all for months. Just when my shoulder got better and I wanted to be active again, Covid came along. Everything came to a halt. There was no way to fight my most important issues anymore (my post would get too long if I explained). I also lost my job and couldn't even see my therapist anymore.
Then my aunt (who was also one of my best friends) died. Then my most beloved cat died. To shorten this a bit: Two more cats and all of my four sheep died within 18 months.
When I managed to get back into "fight mode" after having a really hard time I just HAD to catch Covid. That was four weeks ago and it's still not over! I still feel bad. I'm tired and exhausted all the time, still coughing, too. My motivation is completely gone.
I need to get going again, and I know I'll find the strength eventually, but right now I just feel like everything sucks.
(Sorry for whining, it's usually something I don't do.)

my best friend has been treating me like sh!t ever since I started prozac a few weeks ago. They keep expecting me to be perfect and I hate them for it.

I got out of an abusive relationship about 4 years ago. It destroyed me completely. But then I moved to a new place where I didn't know anyone, got lots of help and back on meds for ADHD that also helped with my anxiety. I also returned to college last Fall and for the first time in my life made the Dean's List. I made many great and supportive friends.

I moved across the state to another new place in January. It has taken me a little bit longer to find a job, but now I have two. The people here have been amazing as well. Woke up yesterday morning and discover I have a package arriving at my old address. In fact, several have arrived over the last week, and more are coming. After checking with my family, I arrived at the conclusion that these packages are from my abusive, stalker ex (one package was a dead give away when I saw what store it was purchased from).

At first, my anxiety hit the roof. I was panicking. I dropped all contact with everyone when I left that city behind and no one knew him in my last city. I rarely spoke of him and never gave his name or went in to details about him. And I rarely use social media, and keep all my profiles private. And then I thought about it more. He still doesn't know where I live and still doesn't remember my birthday. Whoever lives at my new address will probably be getting some really questionable items from him. It's been four years and he still can't take a uint. And that made me laugh and more okay, but, it still makes me uneasy that he was able to track my last address. I can only wonder how long it will take him to find my new place. I know I am safe here, but... Without fail, everytime I start to let down my guard and do well, he seems to pop out of the woodwork.

If any of you have an ex that you aren't over (and it ended terribly, and even if it didn't)
and think that a romantic gesture like this will win them back... Don't. Just don't. It is not romantic, it is fricken creepy as hell. This was literally the last thing I wanted or needed in my life. Get help or therapy instead to help you move on and work through why they left you.

Some good news to counteract the bad: I haven't sh in probably months now (but unfortunately I'm not counting) and I haven't had the urge in forever, it gets easier to quit dw :)

My br3asts ._.

Can’t comment and it makes me sad. I have to post to reply to a comment its garbage. Also I’m sad that Leading The Banned got banned. Also DP. But he could just make another account. And so could LTB..Guess I’m mostly sad about me!

I’m a hopeless romantic. I have a crush on my second best friend (my age with a boyfriend), her older sister who’s 17, her ex, and a guy in college. And another guy in 2 of my classes. I’m ace but I’m panromantic and even tho I know I’m not, I feel like such a slüt. I also really like approximately 10 fictional characters. I’m only romantically attracted but I think there’s something wrong with me. It’s not even like “oh so and so is cute” like making eye contact (which I hate) makes my day. I have 5 classes with my friends ex, and he knows I like him, we’re still sorta friends. I have 1 class with my friend but she’s coming to my birthday party. Her older sister I don’t see super often. The college guy I’ll probably never see again until next dress week next April. I just don’t know what to do I feel like such a slüt.

JESUS LOVES YOU!!!! it does not matter who you are or what your going through he is with you and wants to help you he loves you sooooooooooo much and i am praying for you because i love you to ( well not specifically you because i don't know you if you want me to pray for you just comment it i will upvote you to know i saw it because im blocked from commenting because of how many down votes i get from people) he loved you so much he died for you and wants to walk with you forever have a good day!!

I'm not getting better.
I went into wilderness therapy exactly a year ago and for a few months afterward, I was doing so so great. I felt like I could talk to my parents about how I was doing, and I didn't feel like hiding anything. and then about three months later, I self-harmed for the first time since getting out.
After that, it was all downhill. I relapsed into regular self-harm and my eating disorder came back in full force. My depression is back, pressing on my chest, and my anxiety makes it hard to breath. My dysphoria and dysmorphia is making me hate everything about my physical form.
I just am miserable in life and want to end it.
I feel like I cant tell anyone, because my parents would send me back to the woods, and my friends would tell my parents.
I'm so scared

Sometimes I don’t know if I really want to be a mother, I mean I do, but like, aren’t moms supposed to be elated they’re pregnant? I’m 36 and this would be my first, had a miscarriage before, so I haven’t gotten my hopes up yet but yeah. I’m just like, coasting I guess? What if this feeling never changes?

Disabled Air Force veteran here. I'm sick of people "thanking me for my service." At best it's smarmy... at worst, it comes off insincere and patronizing.

I get it moms... you're thankful someone else volunteered so your child wasn't drafted as cannon fodder. But I say, if you're truly thankful you'll help bring back the draft so the load of defending our nation is distributed more evenly. Otherwise, just move on.

That's it. Let it rain down.

I'm in so much more pain than I admit to

Compared to some of the posts I've read on here my rant may seem trivial and believe me I feel for all those that are feeling lost, hopeless and scared in this world.
That being said however this is my rant please be kind.
The other day I read on my news feed an article about a young man named Sam I believe who took to social media to explain and justify his reasoning why his personal goal is to steal around $30 worth of groceries every time he goes shopping.
Yes times are tough money is scarce and the future is not as shiny bright as it once was but in no way imaginable can this be justified. Apparently according to Sam there are various TikTok videos on how to successfully stretch your food budget by stealing food.
Moral implications aside this is not a victimless crime. He did mention his concern on what this would teach his children but he had to put food on the table. At no point did he even seem to consider getting a second job to aid in that. My husband and I both had fairly low wage jobs. He would work 12-14 hour days and I at one point had a full time job and two part-time jobs so we could pay our bills and put food on the table. We went 20 years without a vacation. Our kids wore second hand clothes. Not all baby boomers made out well ( but that's another rant lol )
Sam and so many others like him fail to realize that much like when you have a fender bender big stores do not run their theft losses thru their insurance. The big wigs still get their bonuses but the losses are offset by raising their prices for the honest folk who pay for their purchases. They also cut staff and/or hours so now people who are also trying to put food on their tables will have a harder time. The big one is if the company has a profit sharing program the theft losses are offset on that and now hard working staff will have less money in their pocket.
So Sam and company don't try to justify your criminal and thoughtless activities to me. I'm 68 and still working part time as is my 75 year old husband. We don't work because we like it but because we have to. Times are tough for almost everybody so you get no sympathy from me. And Sam I work in retail and should you ever try stuffing some sandwich meat or granola bars down your shirt in my store be warned that unlike some store employees I will not look the other way or give you that secret club smile..
Thanks for letting me rant Bored Panda