Hey Pandas, How Did You Get Rid Of Toxic People In Your Life? (Closed)

My personal story is that I had "friends" who would take pictures of me, that I thought I looked good in, but then zoom in so it looked terrible and laughed. Or who when I found out a family friend's baby died, they told me to "stop crying and get over it." Looking back, I have no idea how I was okay with that. But then, my best friend moved to my school. She invited me to do stuff with her, and did random kind things. When I told her I decided that she was my best friend, she told me that she had decided that from the second we met. I was shocked, I was surprised anyone wanted to classify ME as their best friend. But she did, and I realized I felt better being around her then the toxic "friends," so it was very easy to drop them. She got me to audition more, and now I'm into theatre, as a senior in high school. In theatre, I have found so many friends, who truly care about me. I am so much happier with myself. I wear my own unique style (vintage dresses, red lipstick) because I don't have to worry about "friends" making fun of it. I am MUCH happier now, than I was a year ago.

By getting divorced

I just started being more honest about what bothers me and started talking openly about what I think is toxic or cancerous. Those that wanted to work through the problematic stuff stayed, and I stopped communicating with people that didn't want to do anything about it. Sometimes you just have to realize that expecting people to be different is the most hopeless expectation you can have about others, and there's sometimes no way to change them unless they want to themselves. You just have to figure out what they truly want.

When I told my mother I had been suicidal depressive, she did not show an ounce of sympathy. It would have been fine if she had just shut up, but instead, she blamed me for spending too much time on the Internet and on social media. I packed my stuff, left my keys on the counter and took the next train to my best friend's place - I have not talked to my mother in over 2 years.

As a younger man, I would just cut people out and put them in the human discard pile. As a slightly older man, I would hold that pile in my pockets and pull them out when I needed them -- realizing that I was, in fact, that toxicity in my own life at that point. As an older man now, I have learned that you cannot change people, but accept them for who/what they are. It, however, is not my responsibility to fix them, and I cannot help them carry their own weight. Therapy helped a lot, and getting help for myself against the personality disorder that plagued a lot of my teens and twenties was immensely helpful. Now, toxicity can be seen, but not felt, and I have learned that *I* have the choice to take it or leave it. No questions asked, no explanations needed.

I had "friends" who regularly (ab)used my hospitality and tried to belittle me in all respects possible. I was definitely not a cool kid, just a self-conscious introvert with an aversion to open conflict.
So I ghosted them.
Stopped inviting them over, stopped answering their calls, and made all kinds of excuses to avoid any contact altogether. Had no friends at all for a year besides books, but this made me stronger and immensely proud of myself. Best decision in my life!

Just cut them off. Stopped interacting with them. Stopped trying to explain or get them to understand. Stopped trying o fix the relationship. As Lord Humungus said, "Just walk away. I promise you an end to the horror."

By quitting my job.

ctrl
alt
delete them out of my life

I might get downvoted, but that's ok–no one's perfect and I'm interested in hearing opinions. I'll start off by saying that there's really no right or wrong way to deal with it. I'll give a personal example. I serve as a listener on the therapy site "7 Cups of Tea". Once in a blue moon, I will get a rude/racist member blaming me[I'm of Chinese descent] for the cause of Coronavirus/COVID-19. I won't even bother telling them that it was in fact discovered inside bats within a cave in the Wuhan regions of China. I just simply block the connection. In other words, if someone is toxic, in my opinion, it's best to just block them out and not engage. If you believe you can get them to change their mind and work with you, of course, it's your choice to continue talking. In conclusion, I believe the best course of action is to block them out.

I write a letter. I keep that letter for a while, re-read it and re-write if needed. Then I send it. This way there is a clear message. I did that to 2 different people when I moved across the bay from San Francisco. I never heard back from them and I'm glad. The relationships were very one sided and I'm happier without them.

This is a little long... but it's worth the read.

I worked as an automobile technician/mechanic for over 35 years. During that time I've had more than one fellow employee put the move on me... and yes they were all men and I am a woman.

Anyway at this one shop I worked in was a guy who hit on me every day. EVERY DAY! He knew I was married. He knew I would say no. He knew BETTER. But he did anyway.

One day he was hitting on me as usual and he asked me to lunch. Some days it was dinner, some days it was breakfast, today, it was lunch. So without hesitation I said ok. I thought he would fall over backwards with shock but he took it all in stride, although he was speechless for a moment. During that silence I told him I was taking HIM to lunch. He was elated. He walked around for the next hour and a half like he had just won a million bucks.

Well lunch time came. We got into my car. First thing he did was put his hand on my knee. I wrenched back so hard on his little finger of that hand that I was afraid he might scream. But he didn't. And he didn't put his hand on my knee again that day.

We got to the restaurant. It was a sushi restaurant. And my toxic wanna be lover was a good ole boy with a handle bar mustache, cowboy boots, twang and all, and I had no doubts that he had never been in a sushi restaurant before.

We sat at the bar and they promptly gave us some hot tea and placed out little platters before us with the ginger and wasabi on it. Mr. Wannabe looked at the little tray, looked at me, looked at the chopsticks.... but never said a thing. After I had ordered for the both of us he couldn't stand it anymore and asked me what the stuff was on the platters. I told him the sliced stuff was ginger, to cleanse the palette. The green stuff was wasabi, a condiment, kinda like horseradish, and that he would probably like it.

I didn't say a word as he grabbed the entire wad of wasabi and popped it into his mouth.

I watched in silence, him not knowing I was watching him, as his face turned every shade of red that a human could possibly turn.

He never asked me out to lunch again... or breakfast, or dinner.

I graduated from high school, and never saw any of those people again.

B was insecure and controlling - tried to separate me from friends (I refused to stop seeing them) and threw tantrums, threatening to hurt himself if I didn't give in (I ignored him. He didn't hurt himself). B had no idea how to manage money and spent what he had on showy stuff, not food. I broke our engagement and ditched him for a mutual friend. Gave B a month to move out of my flat. He moved to Australia.
25 years later, his wife found me and emailed me, wanting to know more about how he'd behaved in the past. He was now an alcoholic, had run up debts buying fancy stuff to impress people, and was on his second mistress, blaming his wife because she didn't fit his fantasy. It was all just extensions of the way he'd tried to treat me, (he told his wife that he admired me for standing up to him.) I told her it was the way he'd always been.
I never heard from her again. I have no idea if she went ahead and divorced him, as she was thinking of doing. I hope so, for her sake.

I didn’t realise she was toxic till I met my new best friend and everyone in class was talking about how she was controlling she was and I realised she wasn’t the best person to be around. She started going off with other people and well I was ignored. It was quite hard to acknowledge it because we had been friends for years and my other friend didn’t want to let her go. Anyway she left the town and we lost contact 😅😕

I'm a sociable happy person but if anyone upsets me they soon know about it. As I say "shake my hand and I will shake yours, otherwise I ain't got time for you!" They soon get the message. Its amazing how many people can make petty complaints.

I was surrounded by so many toxic people in my town as I was part of the group of artists and everyone knew each other's business. Some people acted like total shits and I couldn't stand it any more. I moved to another city, which is far better as a place and even though, there's no escaping from toxic people completely, I feel much better to be here.

She got caught embezzling money from her federal job, went to prison and I divorced her. It's a longer story but that was the straw that broke the camels back.

I told her that I wasnt doing this childish s**t and that I'm done with this kind of behaviour. Told her directly to not contact me again because that s**t doesnt deserve my attention. She later tried again talking like nothing ever happened and then had the audacity to call me childish because I didnt give in to her ignoring the past.

My former best friend was a absolutely self centered prick. Back in school she would say that her father hits her, locks her into her room, you know stuff like that. No matter how much you wanted to help, how many options you looked up for her, she never wanted help. "I'd have to give up my phone and PC, I cant do that!" was er explaination. Priorities, people. She never came around herself, you always had to come visit yourself. Always took the biggest pieces of food, hardly eating anything and then throwing it away because "she didnt like it" besides saying before that she likes that food. No care for relationships or ressources. Even when her Mom died, she didnt cry a single tear. She hated her Mom because she didnt let her do whatever she wanted. Later she came at me (most of her old friends already cut her off I guess), throwing some bad christian comments from a Baptist Church Facebook websites at my head (I had a short kinda religious phase). I tried to differentiate, starting a discussion like adults do, but no way she would do that. She had her opinion and she would never budge. That cut it for me. When her Dad went off to some kind of family friends and "didnt leave money or food" (her saying), I bought her and her brother stuff. I was there when her other friends ignored her, doing everything a good friend does just to be treated like this. You know what? No. Screw her. We all deserve better than THAT.

I divorced him. Someone who cut me off from friends and family, made me lie to them and refused to allow me to visit.