Hey Pandas, How Are You Doing Mentally? (Closed)

tw: sh

i can't seem to stop it's getting worse and i've just been feeling not great lately i'm not getting much sleep and school is almost over and i won't see my friends a lot anymore cause i'm leaving the district and i won't be able to go on bp except maybe occasionally during the summer so that's taken a toll on my mental health.

the disassociation is getting so bad that i don’t even think anybody except me exists

I'm honestly not doing great. I'm depressed and probably have some type of anxiety, and I might have adhd but I honestly don't know, and I can't focus on anything and sometimes I'm in the middle of doing something and my brain just decides to quit and I can't do anything. I don't know what to do, and I'm honestly rather concerned about my ability to be a functioning human. I've tried to talk to my mom, but she's honestly not doing well either and I feel bad about putting more stress on her. I've been talking with my therapist some but I've had to cancel therapy a few times because of stuff going on with my parents. I did see a doctor, but once she heard that I'd had covid recently she decided that I must be experience symptoms of long covid and wouldn't listen to what I was trying to say even though this has been going on since before I had covid. Sorry for the rant, I just don't know what to do

I've reached a new weird place with my mood disorder/bipolar/whatever the f**k is wrong with my brain. I'm still in a pride high and I think I'm pretty much perfect, but I don't feel like a person. I feel like I'm doing some sort of act, pretending to be myself. The only things I've actually been feeling lately are scared and angry. I want to kill myself (don't worry, I know I won't get actually suicidal for a bit here) and I'm inches away from snapping at the people I love for not being telepaths. It's like some infernal, cursed seesaw, where I go back and forth between loving myself nearly as much as I love everyone else in this f*****g s****y world and picking myself apart for every flaw and considering how things would be better if I was dead. The upside of this is that I can treat myself the way I treat other people and I've actually been able to stop an anxiety attack by calming myself down the way I try to do for others. It's probably not healthy to see myself as two people but it's probably less healthy to have an anxiety attack and possibly get back into sh. Anyways I'm probably fine I'm just a bit scared

sisters : are you okay
me: mentally or physically?
sisters:both
me:physically yes mentally no

Not amazing. Not horrible, I have a good life, I have friends, I just wish I had an easy life. But I will still be alive, cause people love me.

Sorry in advance I need to rant a little. U can just skip this if u don’t have time but if you wanna hear a story, grab some popcorn and settle in cuz this might be a while. Aaaaanyways, where was I? So basically I am in the midst of a huge gender crisis that no one knows about (this is important at the end of the story so keep it in mind). Yesterday my grandpa picked me up from school cuz he and my grandma live in the same town and we see them once a week. So like, almost every time I see him he asks me the same 2 question: first “did you talk to anyone at school?” Which is like, duh, I don’t have a lot of friends but yes, I have basic human conversations. So I’m like fine, whatever, but for the next question he’s always like “did you talk to any boooyyyyyss?” And I’m super mad cuz it’s like he assumes I’m straight, which I’m not, and also he assumes that any conversation with a boy means I like him. Like, I have regular friends who are boys! So usually I just brush it off, but yesterday I decided to talk back. And I’m like, “why would you separate my classmates by gender like that?” And he acts like I’M the weirdo, as though it’s totally normal for him to inquire about my supposed “crushes” on a daily basis. We get home and I assume he’ll leave it at that. Then, when my parents come to pick me up, he tells them about it, and my parents act as though I’m crazy for saying that. And I’m like, “but you ask it every time I see you!” And he denies me, even though he DOES ask it every time, and it annoys the carp 🐟 outta me. So I try to defend myself and explain to my parents how I don’t like him making his questions revolve around gender. Like, does he really have to make it seem like talking to a boy is suuuper weird and oh I must be in love? And my dad responds with (and I quote) “I don’t know what class is teaching you all this GeNdEr nonsense, but we gotta get you outta there”. The he just laughs like I’m some hypersensitive snowflake. Yep, that hurt my depressed gender questioning heart. Thanks daddy 😖😭

I'm doing pretty cr*ppy. I am very depressed. I feel very left out in school, and people are leaving me out a lot. I have been having almost daily panic attacks, and had a very bad mental breakdown a few days ago. I am very stressed out. My depression has come to a point where i think of commiting. I barely have any friends at school. I barely seen my old friends anymore. I know I am wrong but I feel like many things that are my fault are not my fault. I have pretty high social anxiety and don't know what to say to my parents. I have told my one good friend at my school about my depression, and he is helping me a bit.

So basically, being depressed sucks.

Honestly idk whether I'm good or bad but I'm definitely in love with an amazing person and that makes me happy. Funny because I'm 100% aromantic

My eating disorder is getting worse, and it’s making me cranky, and I literally wanted to off myself earlier, so in other words, not great.

I’m moderately depressed, have social anxiety, ADHD, and suspected high-functioning autism, but I’m only medicated for the ADHD (when my meds are available). I’m trying to get into in-person therapy since online didn’t help and to get an affirmative diagnosis on the ASD, but I live in a relatively rural place with poor access to mental health services. It has been six weeks so far without a single callback from any of the therapists or psychiatrists in my area, so I’m kind of stuck right now unless I want to drive 3 hours to the closest city for treatment. Also stressed about money, which is probably feeding into my anxiety and depression, but hopefully a new union contract later this year will help alleviate that. So I’m not doing great, but not the worst either.

Things are going great! *eye twitch* haha

TW: sh

I just turned 16 today. No need to wish me happy birthday, thanks lol.
I feel like i’m running out of time. Adulthood is two years away. Once I graduate, I’m losing a ton of freedom, gaining a ton of responsibilities, so I should enjoy the time I have now, right?
RIGHT?!
But I can’t!! I’m in a constant state of trying not to lay on the floor and stare at the wall for hours. I’m TIRED
I WANT TO DO NOTHING
I feel like I’m waisting my youth. I don’t have any irl friends that my mom lets me hang out with. The people I do know don’t really consider me their friend. How do adults make friends? Work? People don’t like befriending co workers!!
All this stress built up made me relapse again. I messed up again. My legs fggn hurt. I want to peel off all my skin. I want to scream until my throat bleeds. I want to break my fingers.
but I just sit here. With bloody thighs. Crying quietly.
No one will have noticed by tomorrow.
because I smile.
that’s all it takes to fool these idiots.

Mentally, Im tired. Im a frazzled l, lonely mess. I don’t want to die, I just want it all to be done.

Decent physically however is a different story so if you want to hear about that you can ask

Nah but really crappy. I have relapsed back into cutting and tried to overdose. I haven’t told anyone so u guys are the first ones to know. But anyways how are you guys? If you need to talk you can respond to one of my old comments and we can talk :)

Unstable

Not super great, I have times when I'm doing good! Better than I have been. I decided to stop pressuring myself to write because I didn't have the motivation to anymore- instead, I've been sewing little frogs for my friends. I'm going to the doctor for my mental health in a few days, so hopefully, I'll start to be better sometime soon. The person I see in the mirror doesn't seem like me, but they look like someone I'd like to be if I got the chance.
And the best part is, I think I broke in my Doc Martens! I can dance in them now without feeling like they're going to fall off!

Not too great. Allergies are killing me, I'm tired, I'm on three pills at a time (anxiety, attention, and regular claritan). I need more therapy. I'm scared that there's gonna be a school shooting at my school, my sisters school, my cousins school, and my friends schools. I'm scared that something bad is going to happen.

Story time :) this may take a while so prepare yourselves

So my dad taught me how to play cribbage a few months back and we play often. Sometimes i beat him. However, yesterday i asked him to play and when he eventually agreed, my little sister said she wanted to play even though she didn’t know how to. She wanted to learn. I was mad and really didn’t want her to as it was the only thing i really had between just me and my dad (i have four siblings). Since i cant say a single thing to my sister without getting in trouble (both my parents where right there), i said ‘sure, why not’. So me and my dad taught her and she ACTUALLY FLIPPING WON! I was so mad inside but just went along with it.
Today, me and my mum where at the supermarket. We went down one last isle of toys ect. and my mum saw this game for $5. I had a quick read of the box (its called ‘code breaker’ only two player) and said “yea we should get it”. She said “ok, i think it will be a game that you and dad will like to play together”. We got home and i forgot about the game until two minutes after bringing the groceries in, my mum hands my sister the game and she brings it in to the lounge. She shows my dad as i’m just watching, and he just kinda nods and says ‘cool’. My sister sits on the ground and starts to open it. For some reason this really frustrates me. I tell her not to. “If your not gonna play, don’t open it, i already know how to (the box made it look super simple) and no one else wants to play”. She says “iM nOt AcTuAlLy GoNnA pLaY iT, i JuSt WaNt To SeE hOw It WoRkS.” We have a kind of silent argument and she just ends up opening it. I sit down next to her and just kinda watch as she takes ages to rip off some tape and open it. She didn’t want my help. She takes everything out and reads the instructions. (she is a VERY slow reader btw) I just wait till shes done, quickly read the instructions myself, then sit back up on the couch. She packs it up and leaves it for now. After dinner, She gets it back out shows my dad again. He starts to listen as she gets stuff out and explains the game. Now i’m sitting over here watching the two of them play. She even had the audacity to ask me if i wanted to play- then proceeded to say “oh yea, its only two player aye”. LIKE SHE DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW. SHE READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, OF COURSE SHE KNEW I COULDN’T PLAY.
Anyway the summary of my story is that me and my dad had this thing that was just an ‘us’ thing. My sister recently stole that from me but not all hope was lost. I got a new thing for us to do but before i even tried, she was playing it with my dad. There’s not really a point or moral to this but i just wanted to let my anger and frustration out.

So yea i’m not feeling the greatest rn
Thank you for reading this xx

Ok, here we go... I read some of your post about sh and so I'm going to go out on a limb here and tell you that I ve been hurting myself. Not to bad, I don't want my parents to find out, Its just getting worse to the point that I just want to rip myself apart and I don't know why