Trying to prove my (ex) spouse was (and still is) psychologically abusive to me and our children (ignoring us, withholding the papers and info I needed for my visa, controlling money, being passive-aggressive) in his home country where I (and our children) barely speak the language, and he gaslights me to the social workers.
I've told the exact same story of our life since moving to his homeland to the children's teachers, school psychologists, social workers, the police, more social workers (all of which only became involved because our children were doing so poorly in school-assimilating and making friends). His family (his father and uncle, as he's an only child of divorced parents) got "bored" with me being depressed because I wanted my resident visa but could not get access to the papers I needed that my husband wouldn't give me.
In the 1st 5 years of us moving to his homeland (France), my life revolved around taking care of his ailing parents (divorced, so separate homes, separate towns) and our children to school, home for lunch (we couldn't afford cantine) back to school and pick up at the end of the day. I was driving illegally as I didn't have a French permis de conduire (still dont), and my temporary visa kept expiring, despite my begging my husband to keep it current.
When immigration contacted me by poste and said I needed to submit certain documents immediately or my dossier would be closed, I confronted his father and uncle with the letter and told this that this is one reason why I am always depressed. It embarrassed my husband and he immediately printed off the papers and handed them to me angrily in front of his family.
A month later, my visa for 2 years was approved, but I needed the taux fiscal to pay for my visa. I asked my husband for it, and he got angry and beat the c**p out of me before leaving the house and taking our only atm card.
I didn't know how to call the police, so I contacted the social workers who were assigned to our children to report this (oh, and they didn't speak much English and insisted I spoke French perfectly - yeah, using Google translate).
They contacted him and said he made a complaint against me to the police, but rescinded it.
Meanwhile, I'm covered in bruises, in shock, desperately want to speak to an anglophone, and can't get one. - I had been seeing an anglophone counselor for anxiety for 2 years at this point, but she didn't seem to care. (I dropped her soon after as she wasn't helping me with my anxiety only contributing to it, and charging me).
When I went to open a bank account in my name only, I learned that he had taken all of the money in our joint account (€166,000).
I had €40 in my wallet.
I didn't have any friends as when you can't go out and do stuff as your life revolves around taking care of your husbands family and your kids all the time, and your visa is expired, you're driving illegally, and you've been told there's only enough money for rent and food (we had no TV), it's difficult for others to see you as a person they want to hang around. I met anglophones who kept telling me to get my papers and go to the préfecture for my carte de séjour , but none would tell me how to get these papers from my husband.
My husband had a few friends who told me they were upset by how he was treating me and our children, but he cut them out of our life, and once we separated, they chose not to keep communicating (French, not English) with me. My American family and friends couldn't relate to me as they weren't immigrants, and in order to talk with them, I'd have to be awake well after midnight for the time difference.
It's been a 3 years now and I'm struggling with depression, our kids still suffer, France has been decent with helping me- I couldn't get aide for re-education until I got my 10 year titre de résidence (which I acquired 6 months ago) , which only took me 6 weeks (!) once I had access to the papers required.
I am angry. I feel marginalized.
I've told the exact same story of our life since moving to his homeland to the children's teachers, school psychologists, social workers, the police, more social workers (all of which only became involved because our children were doing so poorly in school-assimilating and making friends). His family (his father and uncle, as he's an only child of divorced parents) got "bored" with me being depressed because I wanted my resident visa but could not get access to the papers I needed that my husband wouldn't give me.
In the 1st 5 years of us moving to his homeland (France), my life revolved around taking care of his ailing parents (divorced, so separate homes, separate towns) and our children to school, home for lunch (we couldn't afford cantine) back to school and pick up at the end of the day. I was driving illegally as I didn't have a French permis de conduire (still dont), and my temporary visa kept expiring, despite my begging my husband to keep it current.
When immigration contacted me by poste and said I needed to submit certain documents immediately or my dossier would be closed, I confronted his father and uncle with the letter and told this that this is one reason why I am always depressed. It embarrassed my husband and he immediately printed off the papers and handed them to me angrily in front of his family.
A month later, my visa for 2 years was approved, but I needed the taux fiscal to pay for my visa. I asked my husband for it, and he got angry and beat the c**p out of me before leaving the house and taking our only atm card.
I didn't know how to call the police, so I contacted the social workers who were assigned to our children to report this (oh, and they didn't speak much English and insisted I spoke French perfectly - yeah, using Google translate).
They contacted him and said he made a complaint against me to the police, but rescinded it.
Meanwhile, I'm covered in bruises, in shock, desperately want to speak to an anglophone, and can't get one. - I had been seeing an anglophone counselor for anxiety for 2 years at this point, but she didn't seem to care. (I dropped her soon after as she wasn't helping me with my anxiety only contributing to it, and charging me).
When I went to open a bank account in my name only, I learned that he had taken all of the money in our joint account (€166,000).
I had €40 in my wallet.
I didn't have any friends as when you can't go out and do stuff as your life revolves around taking care of your husbands family and your kids all the time, and your visa is expired, you're driving illegally, and you've been told there's only enough money for rent and food (we had no TV), it's difficult for others to see you as a person they want to hang around. I met anglophones who kept telling me to get my papers and go to the préfecture for my carte de séjour , but none would tell me how to get these papers from my husband.
My husband had a few friends who told me they were upset by how he was treating me and our children, but he cut them out of our life, and once we separated, they chose not to keep communicating (French, not English) with me. My American family and friends couldn't relate to me as they weren't immigrants, and in order to talk with them, I'd have to be awake well after midnight for the time difference.
It's been a 3 years now and I'm struggling with depression, our kids still suffer, France has been decent with helping me- I couldn't get aide for re-education until I got my 10 year titre de résidence (which I acquired 6 months ago) , which only took me 6 weeks (!) once I had access to the papers required.
I am angry. I feel marginalized.