Hey Pandas, Do You Need To Vent?

got done with my spine appointment where i was supposed to schedule my surgery. long story short we didn't and now i have to wait a whole year for my next appointment. this was supposed to be my way out.

A psychologist at my school said that I needed therapy. I vented to my mom about this and half the stuff that’s been bothering me and now she’s using it all against me. She also mocks me for “believing in science” as her views don’t align with mine. I hate her so much now. I hate my parents. They’ve abused me a lot and they still act as if they never did anything wrong. I get called a fat disgusting boy on my birthday yet I’m not allowed to shout back apparently. If they provoke me and pretend to assault me, I’m not supposed to fight back. Only parents are allowed to hit their kids, not the other way around. I’m going to scream at their faces and land a punch or 2 next time they aggravate me

💔

Buckle up and grab tissues…

So, I had a lease on a horse, or I thought I did, apparently not, a woman who I have trusted for over 5 years sold the horse without me knowing, she was charging me double what she charged everyone else at that barn, majority of my “friends” there knew this horse was for sale, didn’t say a word. This lady only said “it’s part of the business.”
I’m riding at their top competitor barn, I see this lady at shows, and she’s all buddy buddy with me, and she claims it was “an accident” but how does one accidentally sell a horse?

I am so close to the edge I can feel it. I have serious mental health issues, I cant eat, sleep, talk, or even express my feelings like showing face expressions.

all I want to do is see my best friend one more time. but I cant unless i'm dead....

Im so sick and tired. Im a mess. Im behind and anxious and a complete wreck. Im lonely and hate myself and im doing my best but it's not working. everything just sucks, and i have all these intrusive thoughts that wont go away. I feel like im on the verge of panic at any waking moment.

Going through some tough time right now so there is a list of things bothering me right now & every other day something from the list starts bothering me. Brain feels like mush right now. I wish I could get some answers & come to terms with some things but not able to. Everything is jumbled up inside my head right now

I purposely punched an ice covered snow bank and the ice cut my fists, and I secretly enjoyed it, and I think that was my first time doing self harm, and it’s awakening extremely dark thoughts in my mind, and I will give into them. I think I might try to end my life soon, but I’m scared.

I apologize for the rant but why are there so many anti LGBTQ people on here? It’s just really pissing me off, why are people so hateful against the LGBTQ community? I am seriously considering leaving this site and never coming back.

Can I vent about myself? Ok, I am unintentionally toxic!! I hate that about me I try to change it but I do it without noticing.. I've ended some friendships that way and I've never understood why, I know I should talk to someone but it makes me feel bad about myself and I hate talking about this stuff. I always get the same answers, "Just work on being nicer".. blah blah.. "How can you be toxic unintentionally!? Stop lying you're just a toxic person!!" Makes me cry.. "I'm here for you 😊" Never is available when I need you..

So I'm tearing my hair out over friend problems. Let me call my friends "1" "2" and "3". so my 'bestfriend' is very good at getting angry over a tiny thing. She takes it out on me, friend 2 but never friend 3. 1 and 3 are girlfriends . So friend 2 was crying bc 1 did something to her. It was over 1 and 3's relationship. I said " it's getting annoying, she can't hit u bc ur too close to 3 !" . Then, they sorted it but I did not now and 2 + 1 were running away from me , I have no idea why. Friend 2 said some nasty things abt 1 and 3's relationship, and said that I said all those things to 1 . So I told some people, bc I was crying and having a anxiety attack, hyperventilating and all that jazz, when 1 said " WHY DID YOU TELL THE WHOLE CLASS?!" babe it was 2 people. We sorted it , but should I keep on being friends with her?

When you’re not going to work due to illness, or any reason, what do call it when you call the boss?

1. Calling in?
2. Calling out?
3. Calling off?

Just curious if it’s different in other places. Thanks!

I’m gonna punch a wall. I’m pissed. I’m being blamed for Crowspectre leaving BP. I cant do this anymore, this site used to be fun but now it sucks! I can’t go anywhere or do anything without being downvoted or reported. Especially by Loki’s lil butter knife. On Crowspectre’s “goodbye” post I lost my c**p. Completely unloaded. People in that “group” are so dang emotional! I’ve done nothing besides speak my opinion peacefully! I don’t get rageful unless I am directly attacked. And I have been directly attacked. Loki literally got my other account suspended from commenting permanently. I can’t even..ARGH DAMN IT. Of course I’m the bully tho. I need to feel ashamed for my actions, I need to feel remorse. I’m the demon. It’s all my fault. I’m transphobic! I can’t TAkE iT! A joke, a pun, good advice, doesn’t matter what it is gets downvoted. I don’t kno what to do. I’m even considering leaving to damn it. Just because I have opinions I have a huge red target in my back. It’s exhausting. 7/10 times I get off Bp I leave angry. Matt C told me not to be ashamed or not to regret or bend a knee cause they’ll bend it backwards. But am I the @$$hole? I don’t even kno. I don’t think I am cause I’m mostly peaceful. At least I try to be. Like I said I’m not rageful unless people target me directly. But as of now. I guess I’m always rageful!